Reflections on Valentines

⁶For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— ⁸but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

I am ashamed to admit that around Valentine's Day I get rather grumpy and bitter. It is a sin that I need to confess and flee from, but a habit that tends to be difficult for me to break. It's a sin because I am grumpy and bitter because I desire to be married and yet it hasn't happened yet. It is a sin because I know that I am loved more deeply than I deserve by the God of the Universe and that He showed me this love by suffering the penalty I incurred with my rebellion against Him. Romans 5 says that scarcely will someone die for a righteous or a good man, yet the Lord Jesus suffered and died for me, the worst of sinners. So going against tradition, I'm making a Valentines resolution. With the help of the Holy Spirit I am going to take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5) by reminding myself constantly of all He has done for me and in turn show love to the unloved as best I can. So to all my readers, the few and far between, I wish you a Happy Valentines Day. May you be made deeply aware of the love God has for you.

Verse of the Week

"Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love." Lamentations 3:32

God is faithful, good, and sovereign even when things appear black. His plans are not simply good for us, but the best for us. While we all hold responsibility for our actions, He works all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Like Joseph and his brothers and Christ on the cross, great sin can be used for great good by our omnipotent creator. I am thankful that though I am undeserving, He is merciful and gracious enough to love me and work all things for good. Pray that I will have peace and joy during this desert storm.

Sub Days

I am extremely pampered. I have had two sub days this week and they went wonderfully despite my massive anxiety about both. On the first day there was a student teacher who already knew classroom procedures and was a huge help. On the second day, today, there was a tutor working with the class who also was a wonderful help. Needless to say, my expectations were so wrong. The kids were all very sweet (if not a little chatty) and the first teacher mentioned having me back next week. What a huge blessing!

I realize that not all of my jobs will be like this. Surely there will be classes that I will want to strangle and bury under the basketball court, but thus far I am extremely thankful for the well behaved classes I've had, and pray that I'll be thankful for the classes of another kind. Tomorrow and Friday I am subbing for a band class. Thus far I've assumed that there won't be much teaching and that things will be fairly easy, but I'm trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. Thanks to every one for their prayers, I continue to covet them.

As for my teaching certificate, I have three content exams coming up and I ask for prayer for those as well. Thankfully, God is both good and sovereign and I will end up where He wants me to be, which will always be the best place.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Happy Feet

For the record, I've never been a frequent nail painter, but on occasion (mostly when I have some sort of gift card) I enjoy getting a pedicure. Last week I went with a friend and her mom and I just have to say, I never thought nail polish would make me this happy. It sort of makes me wish for summer so I could wear flip flops... might just have to find this color and use it again!

Help My Unbelief

"17But they continued to sin against Him, rebelling in the desert against the Most High. 18They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved. 19They spoke against God, saying 'Can God spread a table in the desert? 20When He struck the rock, water gushed out, and streams flowed abundantly. But can He also give us food? Can He supply meat for His people?'" Psalm 78:17-20

For the last year or so I feel as if I've been living in sort of a desert period. God saw fit to take away a wonderful job and send me to live under my parents roof once more. Since that time I've searched for a job in youth ministry but was unable to find one. On top of that, the population of the church I volunteer for consists of married couples and youth. I have felt extremely lonely and have often despaired of finding a friend my age or ever finding a husband. Eventually, I decided to pursue teaching and I pray that this will not only open up job opportunities but also a new field of ministry. Yet anxiety grips me constantly. It was so bad one night last week that I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had since college. Worry about exams, substitute teaching, money, ever finding a permanent job, marriage, etc, etc, consumed me so that I was physically affected. It was the first time such an attack had happened so abruptly and violently. By God's grace I was able to calm down and get some sleep, but those thoughts continue to haunt me.

But as I was reading Psalms this morning, this passage all but shouted at me from the page. Each phase of Israel's unfaithful complaining reminded me of something in my own life. As Israel had despaired of finding water in the desert, I despaired of finding a good friend. Yet, just as God brought His beloved people water from a rock, He brought me a friend in one of the young married women of the church. And though I fear the day when she and her husband might leave to join the military, she is an example of God's mercy and faithfulness to me. So rather than say like Israel, "Well, you brought me a friend but I don't trust you to help me find a job or a husband in suburbia where everyone is already married" (verses 19-20) I should be reminding myself that He is not only good but sovereign, that if He was gracious enough to provide a friend for me He can provide all these other things that I need... and that His plans are what's best for me (Romans 8:28).

I guess the hard thing is realizing that what I want may not be God's best for me. That is way my new prayer is for God to help my unbelief. I know that He is good and can do all things, but I need help to believe just like the father of the sick boy (Mark 9:24). And that's one thing I am certain He will give me.

Template

Can someone help me with my template? I'm attempting to change it and now it doesn't look like I want it to. I know very little about html so any help would be appreciated.

Mad Skill

Did I mention that my mom has mad skills? She made me a pretty apron for Christmas that sort of reminds me of I guess 1960's housewife. All I need are some pearls and a vacuum. Tonight I'm staying warm by making quiche lorraine and wearing my second favorite Christmas present (next to the scarf and bought me... oh and the camera my dad got me, which still needs a memory card). I need to learn how to sew the way she does, it's very impressive.

Guest Photographer

A little known fact is that my dad is an excellent photographer. Here are some lovely pictures of the sky he took for me recently. I believe they are all from Fulshear but I may ask him to bring us some pictures from Algeria when he heads back next month. Thanks Dad!

"This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations; I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh." Genesis 9:12-15

*As always, thanks to Kiki for the idea. Now go visit her blog.

A Sensitive Subject: Reflections on Abortion

I've done posts about this subject before, and want to start off by saying that I approach this subject humbly and with the realization that, like Paul, I am "the worst of sinners" (1 Timothy 1:15-16). The best way to solve this particular problem, I believe, is most likely prayer and assisting and counseling women individually, but the point that Randy Alcorn makes in my humble opinion, is difficult to argue. Thanks to John Ferguson for posting this on his blog:

I’ll never forget years ago when a pro-life candidate ran television ads showing aborted babies, and people were outraged. A CBS Evening News reporter declared the abortion debate had reached a “new low in tastelessness.” Strangely, there was no outrage that babies were being killed... only that someone had the audacity to show they were being killed.

The question we should ask is not “Why are pro-life people showing these pictures?” but “Why would anyone defend what’s shown in these pictures?” The real concern about pictures of unborn babies isn’t that they’re gory, but that they prove the accuracy of the pro-life position.

The Holocaust was so evil that words alone couldn’t describe it. Descriptions of Nazi death camps had long been published in American newspapers, but when these papers started printing the pictures of slaughtered people, the American public finally woke up. If not for the pictures, even today most of us wouldn’t understand or believe the Holocaust.

I visited a college campus where a pro-life group had set up displays of aborted babies alongside the victims of the Nazi death camps, the killing fields, American slavery, and other historical atrocities. Signs with warnings about the graphic photographs were posted clearly, so all those who looked did so by choice. I witnessed the profound effect on students and faculty, including those who didn’t want to believe what they were seeing.

Animal rights advocates argue that in order to make their case they must show terrible photographs, such as baby seals being clubbed to death. If there’s a place to look at such pictures, isn’t there a place to look at pictures of abortions? And if abortion isn’t killing babies... then why are these pictures so disturbing?

Was the solution to the Holocaust to ban the disgusting pictures? Or was the solution to end the killing?

Is the solution to abortion getting rid of pictures of dead babies? Or is it getting rid of what’s making the babies dead?

Forgive the Girl Moment

I've never liked the idea of a strapless wedding dress, but I love this one. Soft, sophisticated (thanks mom!) and maybe not the exact color I would want, but the long lines are extremely flattering, the bow is romantic, and it's not traditional.

Girl moment over.

P.S.

Did I mention that I started doing Roller Derby? I swear, better than therapy.

Skies from Fulshear

This morning, 7:45... or so.

So, this is supposed to be for Friday, but the pictures were too pretty to wait. I need to go get a memory card for the camera a got for christmas, so for the moment I'm using my camera (hence the not so good quality) but phone camera pictures will have to do for now. What struck me so today as I was driving was the beautiful scene spread before me. I was overwhelmed by God's artistry, by the fact that He not only orders the universe to work as magnificently as it does, but that He makes it breathtaking, beautiful.

This evening around 6PM

"For since the creation of the world god's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:20

Monday Pants!

This is probably a silly post, but the idea amused me, so here it is. Monday is my current day off, the day I don't care so much what I wear and thus, the "Monday pants" were born. Oh they didn't start off that way. At one time they looked fairly presentable, but after years of walking around in (and on) them, they developed many holes and frays. They are the most comfortable jeans I own and I wish I could wear them every day. Alas, this world judges us by what we wear... especially potential employers, therefore, I reserve them for hanging around the house and cooking Tilapia in lemon and caper sauce. I know you're jealous.

More on Living in Fulshear

Ladies and gentlemen, not only do we live in the boonies, but said boonies are low lands. Ever since moving out here my parents have been in an epic battle with the sump pump to try and drain the rain water from our yard. Imagine the scene in Christmas Story where Ralphie's father fights with the furnace... only without all the language and no ugly broken leg lamp. Thus far the score remains sump pump: 2, parents: 0.

This is a picture of our yard this morning after a night of rain. I'm waiting to see the squirrels floating around in little ships reminiscent of Noah's ark with mocking birds, skunks, and snakes lining up two by two. Or maybe even a few of the snails my Jr. High girls harassed the last time they were at my house. Either way, I have thankful for the rain. If anything, it always inspires me to write. More to come on living in the country.

Fulshear Sky

Week two of linking up to Kiki's blog. I took this through my car window (See the little black spot in the corner? Compliments to a pebble I believe) this morning. I love this idea of getting skies from all over. Last week mine was a College Station sky and this week it's from Fulshear. Enjoy!

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Psalm 19:1

Who Was Your Favorite Teacher?

Around November 2011, after months of prayer and quite a bit of foolish worry, I made the decision to pursue my alternative certification in teaching. I had been encouraged to do so in the past, but I wanted to make sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. With the realization that God could impact our schools through me, that this could be another form of youth ministry and not just a tent making job, I began training with Texas Teachers. I've gone back and forth between excitement and nervousness, but typically the positive outweighs the negative. My prayers are that:

• If this is where God wants me, that I would find a job for August
• That God would use me when I do find that job
• That I would be able to continue my work at Cornerstone church

I will start substitute teaching here pretty soon to help pay for school and start saving money for an apartment (and to make myself known in the school district) and so I pray that will go well too. I've heard subbing is fairly hard as most students don't tend to treat subs all that well. Please cover me in your prayers. But as I approach this task and the actual task of teaching my own class, I have two questions to ask my readers (all two, haha). It might inform me to be a better teacher and it might just be a good laugh. But here it is:

• Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?
• (For the mother's out there) What would you expect/appreciate from the teacher of your children?

My favorite teacher in grade school was probably a toss up between my senior English teacher, who not only had mercy on my after getting my wisdom teeth out but bought me crackers and sprite during our final because I had a stomach bug and was also a constant beacon as a Christian in our school, and my Junior Spanish teacher who spent countless mornings trying to teach me the proper use of reflexive verbs and didn't take crap from anybody but always made Spanish very entertaining.

In College I LOVED my British History professor, who also had mercy on me amidst a bad stomach bug (I tend to get those a lot for some reason... ) that occurred right before our first exam, and knew soo much about his subject to make it often sound like a soap opera. All of these teachers and professors made their subjects come alive, had good control of their classes, and had mercy when they knew particular students were in desperate need of it. I want to be like that as a teacher, but more than that I want to be a lamp on a stand, to parents, students, teachers, and staff. Pray for me! And pray for all our teachers! They need it!

Hope in the Lord

How do you deal when tragedy comes? The second that horrific news comes all other smaller problems that have been surrounding you seem to shrink in their significance, and suddenly each joy is tinged with the slightest hesitation. You wonder how this could happen, you feel guilty for any moment of happiness, you may even attempt to ignore it entirely, as per the stages of dealing with loss. But eventually you have to face it, and when that happens, what do you do?

The beginning of 2011 has been darkened by such tragedies, both personal and national. Unless you've been living under a rock you know about the shooting in Tucson, the violence spawned by a disturbed and hysterical mind, but I doubt all of you have heard about the illness of my dear friend Lynn Oliphant. I met Lynn when I was probably eleven years old. My family had just moved to Katy and were looking around for a local church to attend. At the time, Lynn was the wife of the Pastor at Cornerstone, Buck Oliphant, and the moment we walked in the doors it was like coming home.

My memories of both Lynn and Buck, who now work at a church in Houston, were always filled with joy and laughter, and to this day she is the one who comes to mind when I think about what it means to be a woman who fears the Lord. Her quiet and gentle spirit has always been inspiring to me, and one of my constant prayers is that I would grow to be much like her in personality and purpose.

Last week, we were told that she has advanced bone cancer. I could hardly believe it when I read the e-mail and I found myself rebelling against the idea. There had to be a mistake, she couldn't have cancer. I'm not sure it has really hit me yet, I may still be in a bit of shock, but just to see how she and her husband have both been reacting to it has been one of the most encouraging things. I pray that God will continue to give them joy and lift their spirits, and that even if He does not heal her by medicine or by miracle, that He would redeem this entire situation.

We may never get answers on this side of heaven. We may simply be left to simply trust that God is both good and sovereign in the joyful and sorrowful things. Keep the entire Oliphant family in your prayers.

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

First Post of the New Year

Over at I Still Hate Pickles my friend Kiki is doing 365 days of Texas skies. (Pause for shameless plug)Kiki is an excellent writer and always has wonderful and hilarious pictures of her children and family so I highly suggest blog stalking her. Last Friday, just before I headed out to College Station for my friend's wedding, Kiki sent out a message to have us put up sky pictures on our blogs and link back to hers. My picture is not from Fulshear, where I live, but rather from College Station. The quality is not great because it was taken from my phone, but it was beautiful and reveals the last bit of sun we had before it proceeded to rain most of the weekend. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

Pie in the Sky: Reflections on deliciousness

This morning I used my second crust for a Quiche Lorraine. It was fabulous and I've had to exercise an extreme amount of self-control not to eat the whole thing by myself. It's a fabulous recipe and as promised, here it is.

Ingredients:

Pastry for 9-inch pie

8 slices of bacon, chopped

4 green onions + spinach

2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Gruyere or Swiss cheese,

divided

6 large eggs, beaten

1 cup whipping cream

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Dash of red pepper

Dash of ground white pepper

Ground nutmeg

Instructions:

• Fit piecrust into a 9-inch quiche dish; trim excess pastry around the edges. Prick bottom and sides of pie crust with a fork. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 minutes; remove from oven, and gently prick with a fork. Bake pie crust for 5 more minutes.
• Cook bacon in a skillet over medium heat until browned; add chopped green onions and spinach and cook one more minute. Drain well, and sprinkle evenly in pastry shell. Top with 1 cup cheese, set aside.
• Combine eggs, whipping cream, salt, nutmeg, red pepper, and white pepper. Pour mixture into prepared crust and top with remaining cup of cheese. Sprinkle quiche lightly with additional nutmeg.
• Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes or until set. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Shakespeare said it best: A Reflection on Love

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken.

Shakespeare, Sonnet CXVI

What true and beautiful words. I've been in romantic love, I think, three times and none of them have ever come to fruition. But one thing I know for certain, that after the initial sparks of fireworks and light and pounding hearts caused mostly by endorphins, a different sort of love must take over if the relationship is to be long lasting, 'til death do you part. This sort of love is not the all consuming flame, but the burning, constant embers. It is a decision, a choice that says, "I am tied to you and you to me, no matter the consequences." To give up and give in when passion has cooled is a sad, sad thing indeed, but to persevere through toil and turmoil from without and within is unconditional, divine. It's a love we tend to share more with our friends and family than with those we have made lifetime commitments to, though we should have it amidst that circumstance as well. It is agape love, the kind of love God alone is perfect at. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:7-8. This kind of love is completely dependent on a decision, rather than emotion. If God can love us in this way, while we were still scoffing and spitting at Him, how much more should we love others. I realize I may be off point a little here, starting with the love a man and woman share in marriage, but I think that in the end it is God's agape love that makes it possible for marriage to last. It is His love for the couple, their love for Him, and their agape love for each other. The sparks of romantic love might fade away, but true and lasting love, agape love, stands forever.

Pie in the Sky: Reflections on the Power of Food

One of my favorite things to do in the world is cook. When I worked at a church in Houston, our staff took a cooking class with our very own local foodie and the bonding time was incredible. I have so many great recipes and stories from our time together... and maybe a few extra pounds. The point is, cooking brings people together. It's history, relationship, learning, making mistakes, and of course creativity and delicious food. Yesterday, having heard for a long time that a good family friend made the best pies ever, I went to learn her ways. And here are the results.

Working on her own apple pie after helping me with mine.

Cutting around the edge of the pan.

My left over dough that will be made (hopefully) into a quiche.

The finished product!

S.W.I.N.O.'s

You've heard of R.I.N.O.s, Republicans In Name Only, well, here I'm going to talk about S.W.I.N.O.s, Star Wars In Name Only. For the past few days my dad and I have been watching some of the original Star Wars series, starting with Empire Strikes Back and ending with Return of the Jedi, and, as usual, this sparked much discussion about episodes 1, 2, and 3 (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith). In my opinion, the best thing to come out of these movies, aside from some cool fight sequences and CGI, was the scathing reviews and a whole slew of jokes surrounding bad dialogue and inconsistencies. These movies are what my family refer to as S.W.I.N.O.s. The main problem with these movies was that George Lucas directed them. True, he directed the original Star Wars, but afterwards gave that role to Irvin Kershner and later Richard Marquand. How can I blame Lucas? Well, consider the fact that both Ewan McGreggor and Liam Neeson are wonderful actors, then watch them as Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn (Yeah, bet you didn't realize that was Liam Neeson's name in the movie. I had to look it up). Both are fairly stiff and lame. Don't even get me started on Natalie Portman and Hayden Christiansen. Painful at best.

But as I was saying, one of the best parts about the movies were the scathing reviews and jokes that developed after each movie premiered. I wish that I still had some of the articles that I read during that time, but suffice it to say I've never laughed so much in my life. What I can share is one of the jokes my family shares in regards to this movie. My personal favorite is a particular phrase that is repeated often in our house hold. After explaining to young Anakan Skywalker about midi-chlorians, we discussed how a normal child would have reacted to this idea. In my mind, I always saw a terrified expression crossing his face as he sprinted back into the house yelling, "Mom, this guys says I got bugs in my blood!" Seriously, what kid would think it was cool to be told that there were critters inside of him that connected him to some strange force. Think about it. Maybe it sounds much more entertaining in person (after all, intonation is rather difficult to get across in writing) but you get the idea.

I hate to be cynical, after all, the original movies are so fun, and I know that if you're looking for logic in sci-fi you're probably barking up the wrong tree, but they are just so fun to poke fun at. So what did you think of episodes 1, 2, and 3? Good? Bad? Ugly? Any funny stories? I'd love to hear them!

Friday Laughs

For the record, I believe this would probably be a great waste of resources and not particularly nice, but the picture still made me laugh. Please, no one take offense. =P

Foundations

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,^[72] that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from theconsent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absoluteDespotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

Remember to vote!

Reflection on Suffering: Elisabeth Elliot Rocks my Socks Off

"Nothing can reach us, from any source in earth or hell, no matter how evil, which God cannot turn to His own redemptive purpose. Let us be glad that the way is not a game of chance, a mere roll of dice which determines our fortune or calamity-it is a way appointed, and it is appointed for God's eternal glory and our final good."

How good is it to know that the Lord is sovereign, that the suffering we face is not random and pointless, but part of a good God's plan. I could not worship a god who was not responsible for the pain I often face, a god who looks down and weeps because he wanted to stop the hurt in my life but can't. That is a weak and powerless god, one that I would even call pathetic, and he would deserve no one's praise. The God of the bible is both omnipotent and good, therefore we know that there is method behind what seems to be the madness of this world. Our job, then, is to seek His guidance through our own trouble, and to be there for our friends in the midst of theirs. "Mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15) which generally means simply being silent and listening (not to respond as Job's friends, who spent more of their time accusing him of sin than they did listening to his frustrated questions). The last thing we should do is to try and "defend" God by saying that He did not want a certain trial to happen. This robs Him of His power and leaves us suffering pointlessly. Rather, praise God that He has a plan though we may not see it now, and run to Him when everything seems to be falling apart.

A Funny Post: Living in "the Country"

There are many perks of living in "the country" (a.k.a. Fulshear). It's pretty quiet, there's not a whole lot of traffic, you can see the stars with a startling clarity at night, and it's absolutely beautiful. But sometimes, every so often, nature gets just a little bit too close. Like last night. I can't say that my perspective is the best, after all this story is really second hand, but I think you will appreciate it none the less.

Considering the wonderfully cool weather we have been experiencing in the Houston area for the past week or so, my parents have been leaving their windows open at night to let in the breeze. Great idea, right? Well... around one in the morning I awoke to the faint smell of... skunk. I was still partially asleep and could not decide whether or not I was dreaming so I decided to roll over and ignore it. Little did I know, things were not quiet as simple as that for my parents down stairs. This morning when I got up I went to eat breakfast with my mom in her room and noticed it was much cooler than the rest of the house. With a smile she informed me that they'd left the windows open again last night, but that things had not ended well. Apparently, that faint smell of skunk that slipped up stairs came from their room. Sometime in the middle of the night, around one I expect, my parents had been shocked from sleep by a skunk attack so bad that they had to shut the windows and fumigate. Ok, maybe not, but it was bad. Neither of my parents got much sleep after that.

Now I don't know if this kind of attack was initiated by a single disgruntled skunk, or a band of terrorist skunks, but either way I seriously doubt there will be many more nights of open windows for my parents. Unfortunately, while closed windows will guard against such stink bombs, I highly doubt it will save my mother from the chorus of frogs that have been keeping her up these past few months.

Dear nature, please allow my parents a good night sleep tonight, and register all complaints with my department of animal/human relations.

signed,

Courtney Lott

How He Loves Us: Reflections on Suffering

David Crowder does a version of this song, but today I was informed that John Mark Mcmillan is the original writer. I looked up the lyrics and listened to his original recording and it completely changed the meaning of the song to me. This song is a declaration of God's goodness and love amidst the trial of losing a loved one. I am in tears as I write this and I think it is because of how much I need to be reminded that trials and suffering do not happen because God is apathetic towards our cause, but rather because of His great love for us. Like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17), so the trials we face sharpen us to be better tools for the kingdom. In a society where we are addicted to comfort, we all need to be reminded that it is actually good for us to suffer. As Downhere says in their song 'Last Amen,' "Somewhere in the grand design, it's good to be unsatisfied, it keeps the faith and hope a little more alive."

How He Love Us

Verse 1

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Chorus 2:
He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...

Chorus 3:
Cause He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

The Winds of Change

I love the change of seasons. Now before you crack a joke about how Texas doesn't actually have seasons, realize that to me, a girl who has lived in Texas most of her life, even the slightest drop in temperature is quite an event. There is something comforting and exciting about new weather, especially the sort of weather that anticipates the best holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's that warm fuzzy feeling, the rush of excitement that comes in knowing that good food, friends, and family are soon to come. I even rather like Halloween when I can avoid the more demonic points of the candy filled celebration, and love learning the history of the reformation. But there is a kind of change that I tend to rebel against, change I did not ask for, change that rips me from my comfortable little spot rather than warming my insides. This sort of change, while unpleasant, is most likely far better for me that the more enjoyable kind, though I despise to admit it. This sort of change tests my faith in God. It asks me if all of my talk about knowing that He is both good and sovereign is really my core belief or just a lot of head knowledge. It is so easy for me to explain to my students that the God of the universe is wise, that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) when I am happy and comfortable, but the true test comes when I lose security like a job, find myself feeling a little lost and directionless. These are the times where God asks me to live out my own words, to die to myself. So though I may feel that this uncomfortable change is some form of torture, and that I am a victim, what I know is that it is because God has the best plan for me that I might be stretched. "O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promises these good things to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:28 God has promised His children good things. This does not necessarily mean financial wealth, health, and happiness. In fact, it means something much better than all of that, a life that will be shaped by the good God of the Universe. And when the shadows of this life have been lifted, we will see His great plan woven like a tapestry before us, the whole picture quite clear, and we will rejoice together as the body of Christ, made beautiful by Him and for Him.

Sister Site!

In hopes of actually pursuing private dance instruction and a means of income, I built a website! It's not very pretty right now, but then I'm not much of a web designer, but it does have a really cool application where you can book appointments online. Yes, I am quite easily amused. Check it out! I am working on getting pictures and more info up but for now, here it is!

http://CourtneysPrivateBallet.yolasite.com/

Belated: Reflections on September 11

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Our prayers should remain with those who lost and our eyes should remain on the One in whom we put our trust. Whatever we do, we should not forget.

Comments

I want to take this time to thank everyone for their encouraging comments. However, there is one thing I would like to request: please write them in English or Spanish if you can, otherwise I don't know what you're saying! Again, thanks for reading!

Courtney out

More on Ballet Instruction

For anyone interested, I am prayerfully considering getting certified to teach dance. At the moment I'm not entirely sure of the best place to get said certification, but I know it will at the very least give those paying me to teach their kids peace of mind. If anyone has any advice I definitely welcome it, and I always appreciate prayer. It's not something I ever thought I do but after teaching my first class on Wednesday morning I fell in love with it! Feel free to leave comments or shoot me an e-mail if you're interested!

Three Posts in One Day? Now That's Excessive...

Ok, so it's been a little ridiculous today with my ridiculous amount of posting, but I keep thinking of things to write. Heck, I don't even know if anyone is reading today! But it seems that the rain, as usual, has sparked my creative juices. This particular post isn't exactly creative, it's more asking for advice/advertising...sort of. As I think most of my readers know, I lost my paying job about a month ago and have since been volunteering for my church in Katy. As much as I love what I'm doing the lack of income has forced me to move back in with my parents and watch my money like a hawk whilst looking for a paying job. My heart is torn as I want to do the work here, but know that survival requires money, at least this side of heaven. One thing I've thought about more than once is the idea of tent making. Yes, I want to make tents to support myself. (Pause for effect) What? You don't believe me? Ok, so I don't actually want to build tents, but the idea comes from Paul. You know, the dude blinded in the road by his experience with Christ? Anyway, one of the way Paul supported his ministry, aside from the support he got from the church, was to make tents (Acts 18:1-3). The problem I have is my oh so marketable degree in Creative Writing. Yes, I would love to write a book and get published, but let's face it, that's not something I can bank on at the moment. However, because of this degree I have a very good eye for editing and so here is my semi-advertisement: if you need something edited send it my way. I have no idea what I should charge for this service and might just resolve to say 'donations appreciated' but perhaps in future I'll have a price. My second form of tent making came as a bit of a surprise. One of the moms at the church was taking her kids out of their ballet company and wanted me to teach them. So over 17 years of dance has paid off! I'll need to study up as it's been a while since I learned the terms, but that will keep me busy, and idle hands are never good. In the meantime, I'll probably be looking for other ways of supporting myself and I am always looking for suggestions! So tell your friends and neighbors that if they'd like to support a poor youth worker and they need someone to edit their writing, the writing of their children/dog/cat whatever to send it to lott.courtneyinator@gmail.com. Donations greatly appreciated. :-D

The Burning of the Quran: Reflections on Matthew 5 and Romans 5:8

I don't claim to know the true intentions of this church and I don't claim to never act foolishly myself, but the folly of this action makes me very, very sad. If our purpose is to advance the kingdom of God then we would be wise to show love to the world around us and not stir up pointless trouble. The truth is offensive enough in itself without our help.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:43-48

We have to earn the right to be heard, and this is really not doing the trick. In all things we have to remember that "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

1 Corinthians 8:9 and Acts 16:3: Reflections on Freedom

"Paul wanted to take [Timothy] along on the journey, so he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in the area, for they all knew that his father was a Greek." Acts 16:3

For the past month or so, I have been doing a study of Acts. This was very exciting for me because I am trying to read all the way through the bible and finally finished going through all the gospels. Acts is such a neat book because it chronicles the beginnings of what we would call the Christian church. Through out we see God building up His church, and that He uses very flawed people to advance His kingdom, which is quite a relief for me the more I understand how truly flawed I am! In one of the recent passages I read (Acts 15) the apostles were dealing with the question of circumcision and whether or not they should require Gentile Christians to have the ritual performed. Their conclusion was that there was no reason to burden their new brothers in this way because it was not necessary for salvation. In fact, Paul goes into great detail in Galatians and his other letters about how salvation is based on faith and not works. So when I got to Acts 16 where Timothy (a Gentile/Jewish believer) gets circumcised I was initially confused. Why, after all of that discussion about not requiring Gentile believers to have this done, does this young man get circumcised? Is this just a contradiction? A typo? In light of 1 Corinthians 8 I would say none of the above.

What first clued me into their (Timothy, Paul, and Barnabas) reasoning was the context: "because of the Jews who lived in the area." On their journey, these men would encounter a great majority of Jews who they would be witnessing to. At first I thought about how very little Paul seemed to care about what others thought and how he even reprimanded Peter for avoiding his Gentile brothers at one point because they hadn't been circumcised, but then I remembered 1 Corinthians 8. This particular passage deals with eating food sacrificed to idols, something Jewish law would have condemned. Paul tells the church in Corinth that "food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do." Moreover, he reminds them that "an idol is nothing at all in the world, and that there is no God but one." Therefore, eating such food would have no true, eternal condemnation for them. But then he adds a stipulation, which I believe answers my question regarding Acts 16. Paul says, "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols?...Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall."

Rather than looking at Acts 16 and claiming some sort of hypocrisy or contradiction, I see it as a fleshing out of Paul's belief that though we have freedom in Christ we must exercise it carefully. He knew that if Timothy remained uncircumcised it would be a stumbling block to the Jews they witnessed to, and found it far better to defer to their weakness then flaunt their freedom. So often we sit in judgement of those around us, including our Christian brothers and sisters. I do this myself on a daily basis and lately God has really been convicting me about it. I've come to the conclusion that we should always err on the side of grace, remembering what we've been forgiven and chose to forgive others. I don't mean to say that we shouldn't call sin sin or that we should live in chains; there is absolutely a time and a place to humbly confront our Christian brothers and sisters about sin and we should always remember that we are free from the bondage of the law, but our lives should always be about living in love toward one another, even if it means we have to give up some of our freedoms.

Title Change

In the past year or so most of my blog posts have been entitled 'reflections' of some sort and I came to the conclusion that the title of my blog needed a change. It's not anymore creative than my original name, but I tend to like it better. Maybe it's less cheesy? I don't know, but I hope that with this new more specific title I might be a bit more consistent. Hopefully? Maybe?

Generous Spirit: A Somewhat Political Reflection

"Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God." Acts 10:4

Some weeks ago in my bible study, we discussed giving to the poor. The leader of the study talked about two groups of people, one that cared for the poor but did not care about scriptural reasoning behind it, and one group that tended to believe the poor were in their position because of laziness alone and did not deserve help. I found, and have always found, myself a bit at odds with this dilemma and struggling with the question of whether or not to give to the man with the sign on the side of the road. Often I'm told by my liberal friends that conservatives do not care about the poor at all, that they are stingy and far too individualistic and down right selfish. On my end I've always said that the liberal side is way too idealistic and and a bit self righteous themselves. But recently, I've discovered a far better solution to my own judgmental reactions and my dilemma regarding the poor. It most certainly is not an easy solution, nor one that I have all the answers to, and quite honestly I don't even know how to begin except on a small scale and through prayer.

My solution came with the realization that my main problem with wellfare is the fact that all it is is another form of slavery. The big government sitting on its high throne in Washington is convinced that the only way to solve poverty is to throw money at the problem, enslaving the poor by keeping them in thrall to their new slave masters. Having gone in to politics possibly with good intentions to help people (I am being perhaps overly optimistic here) these politicians are too far removed from the actual problems to do anything productive about it. (I could got into a spiel about how they are really in politics in order to gain power but I would prefer to remain somewhat naive.) The result, unfortunately, is that at the local level, the level where action could truly bring about change, people have become lazy, believing that the big government is some sort of magic genie and that if we give them enough money they can make all of our problems (including having to look at the hurting people around us on the street) go away.

Change is absolutely necessary, but the government in Washington is not the place for it. In fact, it is the Church and local charities that really need to step up. Instead of trusting those too far removed to really do anything good, we should be working to find the hopeless and the hurting, train them for jobs, feed them, clothing them, helping them physically, emotionally, spiritually, and not just assume that money will solve all of their problems (Matthew 9:36). It is a tough, painful job that will require the sacrifice of time and money and sometimes our own mental stability, but it is something we are called to do, especially as the church.

³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

³⁷"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

⁴⁰"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:34-40

If for no other reason, we should be reaching out to serve others because in doing so we are serving God. I see it starting in my church here in Katy, and I pray it will continue. I pray that God's kingdom will be advanced so that the world sees change, sees that we care about the whole person and not just their financial situation. But it has to start locally, and I don't just mean our hometown, it has to start in our hearts. Pray to the Lord, as I will pray, for generous hands and a gracious heart.

Reflections on Grace

Being a church rat and having wonderful, Christian parents, I have lived what the world would consider a “good life”. As a people pleaser, I avoid conflict and prefer to be the doormat or the peacemaker quite often and so have been labeled a “good kid”. Though I spent most of my life learning that I was a sinner who fell short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23) and that grace was what saved me (Ephesians 2:8-9), I did not live my life as if I really understood this. The way I viewed others, especially in comparison to myself, was harsh, unfair, and unjust. But then, the Lord began to do a painful but important work in my life. I am quite certain the root of the sin that humbled me existed long before the fruit was born, but I of course made excuses for it, thinking it was quite harmless. But as the Lord would have it, that tiny seed I glossed over became a plant, humbling me painfully, showing me that apart from God’s grace I would be just as sinful as those I judged. It amazed me that sin could be used in such a way, to reveal something so essential to God’s character, but it most certainly did. It made my salvation that much sweeter, God’s mercy that much more clear, and His grace quite evident. Getting a taste of the depth of my sin did not only deepen my view of God, however, it also began to grow my sense of grace towards others. Whereas before I could not understand or sympathize with a great majority of the “sinners” around me, it suddenly became so clear that I was as in much need of grace as they were. The stories of the Pharisees not getting it when Christ told them it was the sick that needed a doctor finally broke through to me and I understood that I was alive in Christ but ill because I still needed His gracious work in my life as I worked out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

Of course, that does not give me the excuse to go on sinning, rather, the grace is constantly motivating me to flee from the sin that steals my joy and interferes with my relationship with God. Because I know that through grace Christ has set my relationship right with the Father, and that He saved me to do good works (Ephesians 2:10), I want to sow to the Spirit so that I can live by the Spirit. While this is by no means easy, I know that even when I do make mistakes, that God promises to forgive us of our sins. And so as I continue to run the race, my prayer is that I will understand grace more and more daily, trusting that the Lord is good and faithful, and will continue to extend it to me until the good work He began in me is carried out into completion.

Your kingdom come, Your will be done

1 Kings 6:38 - 7:1

"He took seven years building [the temple]. It took Solomon thirteen years, however, to complete the construction of his palace."

In the Lord's prayer, Christ taught us to pray that God the Father's kingdom would come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. We pray it every week at my church and I attempt to pray a variation of the prayer every night before I go to bed, at least to remind myself that God has chosen me, along with the rest of His people, to be part of His advancing kingdom. But as I read about Solomon, wise King Solomon whose splendor is legendary, I am reminded of how easily I fall into placing my kingdom above Gods. Certainly I pray and I speak of God's glory, praising Him for the things He has given me, but I am so often side tracked by yearning for praise that my efforts are soiled. Motivation is as important as action, and I find myself wanting to be godly because it will earn the praise of those around me, rather than earning praise for the One who is refining me, the One who died so that I could be redeemed in the first place. I am just like Solomon and his palace, building up that which is for me rather than using all of my efforts for that which will glorify God. I am so thankful for this story, for the warning to flee from such frivolous pursuits. Like Solomon's palace, the kingdom I build will vanish one day, blown away never to be remembered, but God's kingdom is eternal, God's kingdom will carry on. My prayer is that I will work to advance His kingdom and not my own, and by His mercy and grace my motivation will begin to change.

Still Here

It's been a while since I've posted but I'm still here! The summer is in full swing and things have been quite busy. Once all the kids are out of school allowing the teachers a break our days are mostly spent with them, either going to lunch or coffee or ice cream or ridiculous midnight showings. Very little office works gets done and the days get longer. I enjoy the summer because I get to hang with kids who are often to busy to hang during the school year and even though it wipes me out and often feel I have more energy. Right now we are in the middle of a feisty game of assassins and on Monday we have to be at the airport bright and early (5:30 AM) to head to Georgia for our Jr High mission trip. My prayer is for a summer that glorifies God and wisdom for the future, my future in particular. Thanks to anyone who's been reading and hopefully I will be a little more consistent.

For the Good

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Why is this so hard to remember in times of trouble? Anger, bitterness, sadness, confusion all cloud our minds to the truth of God and we give into them so very easily. It doesn't matter what He has done for us in the past, how many times He has saved us from desperate situations, our emotions and our self worship blind us to the lessons we've learned time and again. As His children He will always bring us back, open our eyes to the truth, but for a little while we tend to forget. The only way to combat this emotional fog is to immerse ourselves into His word, to speak His truth, the truth, into our lives. The moment a bitter or angry thought threatens to govern us, our first reaction should be to speak His word. Hebrews 4:11 says, "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." It has power to bring about change in our lives as the Holy Spirit brings us to understand what the Father is saying, but we must use it.

At Any Cost

A prayer written by Betty Stam, missionary to China, beheaded in 1934 by Chinese communists:

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept they will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

To Glorify God and Enjoy Him Forever

"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him." Colossians 1:16

For years I have struggled with the idea that I might never get married. I've dealt with loneliness, the lie that there is something undesirable in my make up, with bitterness, even anger. There have been times were I've "decided" that I was meant to be abstinent, times when I've feared this may actually be the case, times when I've been content, times when I've been miserable. The last few years have been particularly difficult living alone and watching nearly all of my friends get married and have babies. I've wondered if I'm being punished, as silly as it sounds, for some sin I didn't know I was committing, I've wondered if peace would ever come, or if I just had to get to a certain level of holiness before God "let" me have some great kind of love. On the other hand, I've also dealt with fear of the very thing I so desperately want. I've never been in a relationship of that sort before and frankly the idea is a little scary.

But through all of this God has revealed to me a valuable truth. My purpose in this life is not to get a husband. Shocking isn't it? Growing up in a semi-southern state it almost seems as if lots of women go to college to get their MRS degree ("Mrs." for those of you have just gotten lunch and are feeling the desperate need for a nap). As I said before, nearly all of my friends (from college and high school) have gotten married and a few are having children, and while it is doubtful that any of them actually went to school to get married, those of us who did not ended up feeling left out and secretly (sometimes not so secretly) bitter. Moreover, almost every movie or TV show that comes out touts the idea that finding your "soul mate" is the most important thing. Even in action movies there is quite often some little romance going on. It's no wonder we single women believe the lie that the most important thing is to find romantic love and be loved in return (no offense to Mulan Rouge).

So what is our purpose in life? Colossians tells us pretty clearly. We were created to serve the God who created us! Now this may mean marriage for some. He may be the most glorified by two people coming together and creating a family... but He may not. This isn't just a lesson for women but men as well. If we are not doing what we are created to do, then no romance, not even a great one, will ever fill us up. Augustine said it best: "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." Even as Christians we struggle with the restlessness. Let us seek satisfaction in our created purpose, only then will we find our rest.

Just for a Laugh

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Ever since I was a little kid I have enjoyed running. I distinctly remember going to the high school track with my dad and jogging around it just for fun and in the second grade I even won the high honor of beating everyone in the half mile race. Throughout Jr. High, High School, and College I continued to run off and on, sometimes favoring the machines at the gym, walking, or even jumping rope. In the end, I always returned to running. As much as I enjoy running, however, I have found that having a goal,whether big or small, helps to spur me on, especially when I'm not feeling like dragging myself out of bed. My current goal is to be able to run a half marathon, but having smaller goals helps me to eventually reach my 13.2 miles. One of the biggest mistakes new runners make is looking at the ground while they run. Instead, it's good to keep your eyes straight ahead, focusing on what is in front of you and how you are getting closer and closer to the finish line. The Christian life is no different. When we focus too much on the things around us, the little troubles and trials beneath our feet, we lose our stamina and lose focus on the most important thing. Christ has gone on ahead to prepare a place for us in His Father's house (John 14:2), and that is our destination. Moreover, once we enter into eternity, we enter into the perfection he has already achieved for us. Above all we should not be disheartened by the sins we struggle with and the trials we face now, rather, we should press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward.