Firm Foundation: Reflection on God's Character

“Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant.  For Your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary.  Give ear, our God, and hear; open Your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears Your Name.  We do not make requests of You because we are righteous, but because of Your great mercy.  Lord, listen!  Lord, forgive!  Lord, hear and act!  For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear Your Name.”  Daniel 9:17-19

God does what He does because of who He is.  Maybe that seems obvious, but I’m not sure any of us really understands it fully, or maybe it’s just that we don’t really believe it deep down.  This is evidenced by the way we live and think.  No, I don’t mean our trained responses in church or our Christian circles, us Church rats know the “right answers” and pretty words that make us sound smart and spiritual; I mean the core belief that informs our actions and habitual thought processes.  Let me give an example.

I know, as a fact, that the bible says God loved the world enough to send His son to die for sins so that we might be drawn near to Him.  I can quote John 3:16 and 1 Peter 3:18 to prove this.  I also know that when I “confess my sins He is faithful and just to forgive [me my] sins and purify [me] from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).  Yet, after I fall into sin (translation from Christianese: pretty much anything stupid) I am stuck with feelings of guilt and frustration long after I’ve confessed it.  Why?  Because even though I know the truth, I don’t always believe it, as is evidenced by my feelings.

As usual, I doubt I’m the only one who struggles with this. 

So what’s the problem?  Why can’t I make this head knowledge heart knowledge?  I think one of the reasons (and there are probably many more) is that another belief is getting in the way.  I think what I really believe is that God’s love for me is based on me!  And why not?  I’ve read in a thousand different fairy tales/romantic movies (etc.) about heroes falling for heroines because of “X”.  They see their lady and are enthralled; first by her beauty and later by her character.  It is because of her that they will slay dragons and face perils, it is because of her that they will risk life and limb, it is because of her that they might die in battle!  Rarely do we read about a hero who fights for a bitter, old hag.  If you can think of such a story let me know, because I sure can’t. 

These stories make sense to our human minds; for, after all, why would anyone fall in love and risk everything for someone ungrateful, someone unworthy?  But God is not human nor does He have a human mind.  God loves His creations because He is a loving, relational, and merciful creator and because He has stamped His image on us.  We’ve marred it, made it ugly, we are ungrateful, unthankful, unfaithful, and give the worship He deserves to other things.  Yet, He sacrifices Himself for us; redeems us; makes us beautiful. 

This is the truth I need to remember, the truth we all need to remember.  It needs to replace our messed up beliefs and work to change the way we live and think. We can’t do this on our own we need the Hold Spirit to invade and uproot the lies in our hearts and help us stand on the firm foundation that is God’s character rather than the weak one that is our own.

Father's and Sons: Reflections on Intentionality

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

 This morning I was greatly encouraged. Often on Friday mornings I will stop by the Starbucks near my apartment to celebrate the coming weekend and on this particular Friday, I saw two people I recognized. Sitting in the corner by a window were a father and son from my Church. The boy, who I believe is about ten years old, was wearing his pajamas and munching on what was probably more of a brownie than anything and sipped chocolate milk while his father, in mesh shorts and a t-shirt, was attempting a healthier meal of pita bread and apples. It was, of course, fairly early in the morning but both were grinning and I got a good wave from the son who saw me first. After a short chat they told me that this was their special breakfast and that they tried to do it every other Friday. On the Fridays the dad did not go with his son, he went with his second oldest, his daughter.



Aside from being uplifted just by seeing good friends (family really as we share the same Heavenly Father) so unexpectedly and so early I was encouraged for a deeper reason. In a society where there are so many physically/spiritually/emotionally absentee fathers, seeing a dad being intentional with his kids literally fills my heart with joy. This man does not just see his duty as a husband and a father to be merely a bread winner, rather, he sees that he needs to be a spiritual provider and trainer, and he acts on that duty.

 I pray that all fathers would have this attitude. I pray this specifically for my future husband, that he would have a heart for our children and the spiritual wellbeing of our family. I pray this for everyone, for you don’t have to be a mother or father to be intentional with those around you; young, old, wise, or foolish. May God give us tender hearts and encouraging words, may we uplift one another, and spur each other on to good deeds.

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A Challenge to Singles on Valentine's Day: Reflections on Love

^“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Mark 10:46

¹ Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 ⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus… Philippians 2:1-5

It’s common around this time of year amongst singles to joke (complain...gripe, add your own verb here___) about Valentine’s Day.  If you’re like me, you try to laugh about the day centered around romantic love and displayed by flowers and chocolate and candlelit dinners, by dubbing it “Singles Awareness Day", proclaiming that you will buy yourself a comfort gift, and spend the evening with the only men who will ever be faithful; Ben and Jerry (for the record, I prefer Blue Bell, but the title did not work for my “clever” and “completely original” joke). 

Quite obviously, such jokes are rarely more than thinly veiled loneliness and, let’s be honest, a bit of narcissistic bitterness.  Maybe that sounds harsh, but if I’m being brutally honest with myself, then it really is the truth.  My heart aches with a longing for marriage and romantic love and quite often becomes jealous of those who have found it.  This entire month, not just the day itself, seems like one big reminder than I am still “alone”, still single, and sometimes it’s hard to deal with.  How easy it becomes to slip into a “woe is me” state of mind, to mumble and grumble about how “nothing ever seems to go my way” and blah, blah, blah.  It looks absurd as I type it now, but appears to be the most solid logic when I think it in my own head, and I sincerely doubt I am the only one tumbling around with these thoughts.

Add to the mix well intentioned friends who want to set you up with “the greatest most perfect guy (girl if I have any male readers)” and things get more complicated.  At first I loved this idea.  (Dude!  He comes with a recommendation!)  Then I discovered that my over analytical mind doesn’t really deal with one on one set ups too well.  So on top of feeling lonely on this day, I then begin to feel guilty!  I’m hurting other people’s feelings by not liking the guys they’ve introduced me to!  I must have a fear of commitment! I’m so ungrateful!  There must be something wrong with me!  Yaddah, yaddah, yaddah…

Again, I don’t believe I’m alone in this black hole of internal dialogue.  What I do believe is that this “Singles Awareness Day” I’m being challenged and majorly convicted.  In the verses I have listed above we are encouraged to have the same attitude as that of Christ.  Jesus, the Word with God from the beginning, through Whom and for Whom all things were made, became flesh to be a servant to those who hated him, to die for those who deserved to die. He didn’t come to be served and loved and pampered, he came to wash stinky feet and suffer His own righteous wrath for evil He did not commit.  His love is so great that He gave dirty, rotten evil doers His righteousness that we might be able to enter into the presence of a holy, holy, holy God and be called co-heirs with Him!

So what the heck does that have to do with Valentine’s Day?  Everything.  Aside from being the most baffling love story in history, it is a challenge and a reminder to all of us, not just singles, to love and serve others above ourselves. It deeply convicts me when I find myself in that black hole of narcissism and focuses my vision first upward and then outward.  It impresses upon me the great love lavished on me (1 John 3:1) and challenges me to lavish similar love on others.

God is challenging me this month.  When I start to think about how lonely and “unloved” I feel, I need to first, remember His love for me, and second, to seek to show others His love as well.  Rather than grumble about “Singles Awareness Day” I am praying to have an attitude the same as that of Christ, and focus on serving and loving those around me.

Even if He does not...: Reflection on Prayer

"Oh Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."  Daniel 3:16-18

In light of certain death, three men from Israel refused to bow before a king and his powerless god.  With confidence, they told him that their God, the one true God, had the ability to save them.  Yet, with an attitude I doubt many of us had today, they were willing to burn to death if He chose not to do so.  How could they do this?  Because they knew they served the mighty and good God of the universe, and that His plans were bigger and farther reaching than their own little lives.  They were willing to suffer and die with the knowledge that God could save them, but might chose not to.

Do we live and pray with this attitude?  Do I live with the knowledge that God could make me happy or comfortable in a situation and praise Him even when He does not?  Do I believe that His plans are better than mine?  Or do are all my pretty words just head knowledge?

What do you really believe?

Shoes I Just Don't Get: Reflection on "Fashion"

Fancy Clown?

Don't you step on my sued shoes?

I really don't even know what to say...

Maybe I'll just stick to my jeans and Toms because clearly I don't know the first thing about fashion, and really, I'm ok with that.

What I Wore to Work Today: "Boothy Tendencies

As you can see, I don't take great pictures, but it gets the point across.

Weakness: A Humbling Reflection

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

I am not a particularly strong person.  One of my new favorite terms for myself is “marshmallow” as I avoid conflict like the plague and do just about everything in my power to make sure no one is ever mad or irritated with me.  My idol is people, plain and simple and looking back over the course of my life I can see it very clearly.  The obedient golden child who rarely got spankings and cringed at disappointed glances really isn’t so golden or perfect; she’s just a self-worshiping narcissist who would generally prefer to take the easy way out.

On a slightly darker note, though most likely a connected one, I have struggled for years with mild depression.  It comes out of nowhere, like a tidal wave crashing into me so hard I feel I can’t breathe or even see past the end of my nose.  Joy is sucked from life and things go gray.  I feel guilty for feeling this way because I have been so, utterly blessed in so many areas, and I hear this voice telling me that I am ungrateful and that a real Christian wouldn’t feel this way. 

No, I’m not a strong person.  I listen to the lies Satan tells me, I worship gods that can neither see, nor hear, nor have hands to create or protect.  I forget the truths I learn from the word God has given us.  I forget to listen to the whisper that instills such truth.  I focus far too much on myself and ignore the plight of others.  I am terribly, terribly weak.

And I am learning to thank God for it.

The helplessness I feel, the gray I am often trapped in, always brings me to my knees, to the conclusion than I have zero power on my own.  And eventually that whisper breaks through all the stupid noise, the guilt, the foolishness and reminds me of Whose I am, what’s been done for me, and that it is in my weakness than He can be strong.  It isn’t when I feel brave and bold and confident that I can be effective, it’s when I am completely aware of my feebleness that I can be used for great things.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t always bring on the rush of endorphins that suddenly pulls me up out of the gloom.  I don’t actually hear a physical voice.  I still have to fight the lies banging around in my head.  But the whisper of truth reminds me of the rock I can rest on; King who stepped down from His throne to live the life I should be living, died the death I should have died, and breathed His spirit into me, replacing my heart of stone with a beating heart of flesh.

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Pride Gut Shot: Reflections on Humility

Have you ever looked back on a conversation and been so embarrassed by what you said you sort of wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out?  I recently had one of those moments.  Looking back I can just imagine what the other people are thinking as I spout out something so inane and stupid that my pride takes a massive shot right to the gut.  This incident benefits me, even though it sure doesn’t feel like it.  It benefits me because of the well-deserved gut shot my pride gets. 

When I take stock of my day to day thoughts and really consider the attitude behind them, I find that most of the time, they come from a place that honestly believes that I am, in a way, the protagonist of some grand narrative.  I am the center of my own world, my own plot, and really I am better than everyone else.  This makes it ok for me to make fun of others when they say or do stupid things, at least mentally, and more than acceptable for me to distance myself from the socially awkward and/or weird.

The gut shot reminds me that all of these things I sort of subconsciously believe or at least live/think by are complete and total lies.  Yes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14 – a glorious ruin as my Associate Pastor says), but am still a recovering sinner and I am still quite fallible.  These blows to my pride underscore this truth and enable me to show much more compassion on others when they say foolish or embarrassing things. 

I see the same thing happen when God reveals my sin to me.  This conviction makes me far more willing to forgive sin done against me, and far more willing to show mercy to others in general.  Not to excuse sin, or look over it, after all scripture calls us to hate sin and even confront our brothers when they wrong us, but to throw off my prideful self-righteousness amidst those circumstances.

So I am thankful for embarrassment and sin conviction.  I am thankful that God does not allow me to bask in the fake sun of my self pride, and I long for the day when I can throw these things off for good, and rest completely, unhindered, in His righteousness and love. 

Amidst the Yuck: Reflection on God's Sovereignty

“Tell us your God story…”, “It was such a God thing…”, “God was working there…”, “It was amazing how God was guiding us…” 

Blech.

These are a few of the phrases in “Christianese” that just drive me crazy.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being aware of God working in our lives and reflecting on it intentionally, but I feel like nine times out of ten we use these slightly cheesy sayings exclusively in relation to circumstances that have worked out the way we believe they should, circumstances that make us happy or comfortable.  Very rarely do I hear people say, “Yeah, this situation really sucks, I’m not particularly happy, things are not working out /my/ way, and honestly, I’m angry right now, but I know God is good and in control.”

Our view, my view, of the way God works is small and relatively screwed up.

Take Job.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.   The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21

He praises God amidst the yuck and even gives Him the credit for taking the things that made him happy away.  His act of worship is even more striking and insightful when you reflect on the fact that at the beginning of the chapter, God is the one who calls Satan’s attention to His servant in the first place.

⁸ Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” Job 1:8

Maybe I’m the only one who never noticed this until recently, but this sort of shocked me.  Satan, our accuser doesn’t bring Job up in the first place, God does.  Moreover, Satan has to ask God permission to launch his attack and God has to approve.  My conclusion?  God is sovereign over all things, even the yuck.  To put it without the Christian jargon, God is completely in control over the good, the bad, and the ugly that goes on in our lives.

Two reactions can, and inevitably do, follow this realization:

1.       It’s not fair

2.       Awestruck praise

I think I’ve considered this on my blog before, so I may just be rehashing things, but here it is anyway; I am comforted by God’s control over the junk that happens to me.  Sometimes I get mad, often I complain to God, but I would so much rather a powerful God Who works things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose that we might be conformed to the likeness of His Son (Romans 8:28-29) than sort of like a god who is good and loving but has no power at all.
That’s why I get sick of hearing the rainbows and bunnies stories.  Not that I don’t believe them or that I am completely cynical (only a little) or that I don’t want them told, but because I want to hear more of us (myself as well) singing God’s praises when things don’t go /our/ way.  I guess what I want is more authenticity.  Be honest if you’re mad at God, at the world, if things don’t make any sense.  The Psalmists did it, complained to God, so why don’t we?  What do you think?  What holds you back?

Quote of the Day

A conversation between Brooke and Melanie:

Melanie putting super glue on a cut.

Brooke:  You're a freak!

Melanie:  I'm a nurse.


Isn't it amazing what seems odd to some and normal to others?

Happy New Years: Non-Resolutions

The start of this new year was interesting to say the very least.  I find it mildly amusing that while most people set goals to work out more and overpopulate gyms and boot camps within the first few weeks of January I ended up missing a day and a half of work and skipping Camp Gladiator for two weeks.  What happened?  The creeping crud as one of our salesmen calls it.  Started as a dry cough and became a plague that swept through my office and took a few of us down.  Add to that major work stress and this has not been a warm and fuzzy start to 2012.  However, as usual, through even the "creeping crud", or perhaps because of it, God has been teaching me a stinking lot.  I plan to go into more detail in future posts, but I will leave you with this for now; I don't make resolutions as they tend to fail fairly quickly, instead I make Prayer Lists.  This sounds way over-spiritual or hyper religious and I rather cringe to write the phrase but it just makes more sense to me.  Making resolutions is based on my will power, making prayer lists means I'm reminded that I can't do squat on my own.  Hopefully sometime soon (when my brain isn't fried from putting together bids for our salesmen) I am going to sit down and write one out, but for now I will be thankful that God teaches me no matter what, and that He uses the crud for our good and His glory.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Merry Christmas!

Under Authority: Reflections on Sovereignty

But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it."  Matthew 8:8-10

Matthew 8 describes two scenes in which Jesus performs miraculous healings.  The first is a leper, the second, a servant of a Roman centurion, a Gentile.  Both are radical, both reveal faith in the ability of the Christ to heal, and both express a willingness to accept His will in the matter.  What has always confused me, however, was the speech of the centurion in verses 8-10.  Certainly, it makes sense that he might feel unworthy in Jesus' presence, but why on earth does he begin to talk about authority?  In the past, it appeared to me as a sort of random rant that had nothing to do with anything.  Rabbit trail maybe?  In scripture?  Probably not.

To add to my confusion, just after this little speech, scripture says that Jesus marveled at his words and claimed to have never witnessed such faith in anyone in Israel.  Maybe he was just ignoring the rabbit trail.  Again, not a likely conclusion.  Tonight, however, I began to understand why the centurion begins to speak of authority.  He was not simply going on about his responsibilities or bragging about his power, rather, he was acknowledging Christ's authority over physical ailments.  He likened his own ability to command soldiers to Jesus' ability to command sickness or pain to do His will.  He understood that this man had authority over our very flesh, and this was why Jesus points out his great faith.  If the servant was not healed, it wasn't because the Son of Man did not have the authority to do so, it would have been because He did not will to do so.

What a hard and awesome concept to wrestle with.  We pray for healing, we pray for miracles, we pray for our way and when it doesn't happen our faith is often shaken.  But what if, along with the centurion, we believed deep within ourselves that our good God has the authority to heal, but may simply choose not to on the basis of a wisdom we can't possibly understand?  We might just live our lives differently.  We might realize that our way may not (is probably not) the best way.  We might even find peace amidst physical suffering, knowing that God is good and sovereign and will not with hold His best from us.

How terrifying it would be to worship a god who did not have this authority?  He could be sweet and all that, but completely powerless, sitting by and watching just as helplessly as one of us.  Do we really want to worship a god like that?  The fact is that He does have authority over all things, that He is good, and that His will will be done.  

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 30

Wednesday, November 30, 2011:  That I can't do a dang thing on my own.  "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins..." (Ephesians 2:1)  "What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24).  The older I get, the more I realize that at the center of my being, I am a powerless sinner.  In early years, I thought myself a good person.  Yes, as a good reformed Christian I knew I was am a sinner saved by grace and that my righteous works apart from God were like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) but I know that deep down I really didn't believe that, and my thoughts and emotions about other people proved that.  Hatred of sin is one thing, indignation and animosity towards one created in the image of God is quite another.  But over the years, God in His great mercy has begun to humble me.  Not in a self-focused, degrading, "I suck" sort of way, but in a realization that no matter what I do sin is right there with me (Romans 7:21).  Even my "good" thoughts and prayers are marred with the desire to serve or comfort or worship myself, and I often find myself frustrated with the idea that nothing I do is pure.  I am starting to believe, however, that this may very well be the point.  That realization that I am helpless on my own, that I can never hit the mark of God's perfection, and that I MUST rely on the sacrifice and good works of His son for my salvation and the help of the Holy Spirit for Holy living, is true freedom, is the gospel.  The moment I begin to believe I have no need for Christ's sacrifice and for the empowering work of God's Spirit living within me is exactly when I will fail.  I am so thankful for God's infinite mercy, and I can say along with Paul, "Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord"  (Romans 7:24) and to rejoice that "it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  (Ephesians 2:8-10)  

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 29

Wednesday, December 7, 2011:  Amy Flach.  We are no longer in the month of November (obviously) but   I would still like to finish up my 30 Days of Thankfulness.  The week after Thanksgiving I got "promoted" (?) to Sales Secretary and began training for the position.  This meant overtime and crashing nearly the moment I got home.  Now that training is over and my brain is functioning outside of work again, I am going to write the last two I meant to write on November 29th and 30th.  For the 29th day, I am thankful for our Accounting Assistant Amy Flach.  She has been so helpful to me at TMC, so encouraging, and such a good friend.  I truly don't know what I would do without her there.  God is gracious beyond my imagination.  Thanks Amy for always being there.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 28

Monday, November 28, 2011:  Crystal Gellenthin.  At work, I sit at the font desk.  We joke that I am the door keeper and that no one gets past me without a run down and password.  Ok, I'm kidding about the password, but the point is, someone has to be up there to answer the door and the phones.  Enter Crystal to save the day.  Crystal sits at my desk while I go to lunch.  Thanks Crystal!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 27

Sunday, November 27, 2011: Jessica Meyers and Kristen Novak.  God has blessed me so much in the last few years with wonderful friends, especially in college.  These two girls got me through some hard times, laughed with him, cried with me, and have continued to be blessings in my life.  Jess, thanks so much for speaking logic to my emotionalism and being willing to confront me in my ridiculousness, Kristen, thanks so much for your empathy... and for being my unofficial roommate summer 2007.  I miss watching Stargate with the two of you as well... thanks for getting me sucked into it.  I thank God for you two and I hope you know how much y'all mean to me.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 26

Saturday, November 26, 2011: God's perfect timing.  I am a very impatient person and I don't think that our instant gratification culture has made it any better.  I want what I want when I want it and I get antsy and whiny when I don't get it.  The thing is, God's timing is perfect.  He knows what we need and when we need it, and if we are His children, His plans for us are for our best and for the advancement of His kingdom.  This isn't something I always believe though I know it to be true, but it's a good thing to remember, and to be thankful for.  The hard thing is realizing that it may never be the perfect time for me to have something, and therefore I won't have it, but then I can be thankful that again, God has the best plans in mind for me.  So while I am waiting for things I hope to have, I will thank Him for being both good and sovereign.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 25

Friday, November 25, 2011: My brother.  Sometimes we don't get along, but we can always laugh and I know we will always be there for each other.  Thanks for being there Thomas.  I love you!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 24

Happy Thanksgiving!

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6-7 NIV

Thursday, November 24, 2011: Having all of my family together for Thanksgiving... and apple pie.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 23

Wednesday, November 23, 2011: My job.  After a year of looking and living with my parents I am thankful to have income.  God provides, even if it's not really in the way you expect.  He has taught me a great deal through this situation and I hope to cling to these lessons.  One of my prayers now is that He will help me to seek to do my best where I am and that He will continue to guide my steps.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 22

Tuesday, November 22, 2011:  Kirsten “Kiki” Oliphant.  Starting in Jr. High I entered into out church’s youth group.  After quite a few years of feeling a bit on the outside socially (I have come to terms with the fact that I was a pretty stinkin’ weird kid) it was wonderful to become part of a group… even if a good majority of us were nerdy church rats.  Through those three awkward years I was taught wonderful biblical teaching and my freshman year of high school, our church hired a girls youth worker named Kirsten St. Claire.  I thought she was pretty much the coolest person I’d ever met, and despite that, she took the time to disciple me for the first two and a half years of high school.  She instilled in me a deeper love for God and a passion to work with girls younger than myself.  Thanks Kiki for praying for and challenging me in my faith.  I can’t tell you how much God has done through you!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Days 20-21

Sunday, November 20, 2011: Pastor Carter Sanger (and family).  Thank you Carter for all you do, for persevering through the hard times, for challenging and exhorting us, for working hard to assess the health of our church, and for seeking God's direction for His ministry.

Monday, November 21, 2011: Pastor Nathan Carico (and family).  Thank you Nathan for your hard work, for listening, for praying, for taking on a thousand and one tasks, for preaching the gospel and challenging us, for seeking God's direction and wisdom for His ministry at and through Cornerstone, for picking up my slack.

We are so heartily blessed to have two pastors who care deeply for their flock and for the ministry of the word and I hope we all thank God daily for them.  Keep them in your prayers and do not take them for granted.  And please do not limit your pastor appreciation to one month out of the year!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Days 18 and 19

On the roof of the church in Arevalo

Friday, November 18, 2011: My Daddy.  I guess it's appropriate that I am writing this today as it is his birthday, even though I'm writing it for Friday.  Thank you Daddy for always being there for me, for your prayers, advice, generous spirit, and financial assistance ;-).  I love you and will miss you next month.  Christmas won't be the same without you.  Happy Birthday!

Saturday, November 19, 2011:  My Mommy.  I have to write about them both at the same time, it just seems wrong otherwise.  Thank you mom for your generous spirit, prayers, advice, and logic.  I love our Monday lunches together and am so thankful we are able to meet.

I thank God for both of you every day.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 17

Thursday, November 17, 2011: Learning how to cook.  While working at Christ EPC in Houston, the staff took a cooking class during the summer taught by the great foodie Kandy Steen.  I think I've always enjoyed cooking, but those classes really made me love it.  The fellowship, the stories, the creativity; there is so much more involved in cooking than just food.  I am so thankful for the experiences I've had and the ability to share recipes with others.  Tonight I am attempting to make breakfast pizza a la Kelly Chartier.  The results are pending.  Hopefully it will turn out well.  Thankful for the experience either way!

Whole wheat dough

First cook book from Kandy, next years was called "Nasty Bad"

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 16

Wednesday, November 16, 2011:  Wednesday night music practice.  I've been playing the guitar (fairly badly) since I was about a sophomore in high school inspired by our girls youth director at my church and one of the other girls in my youth group.  I've never really had the opportunity to use it as I'd like, to help lead worship, with any consistency until recently when our associate pastor offered to let me play with the music team.  I'm so often blown away by worship, being given the ability to praise our God and King, but I am especially moved (that's not the right word but I can't find it... convicted, baffled, excited...) when I can play and sing.  By no means am I a great guitarist, often Nathan has to help me with chords that I don't know and I'm hopeless when it comes to bar chords, but it's amidst that weakness that God speaks to me.  I am thankful for the patience of the other worship team members, Nathan's work in overseeing just about everything, the sound guys (Jack Kutzer, Mark Jorgansen)... it's an amazing ministry and I am super blessed to be apart of it.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 15

Tuesday, November 15, 2011: Sleep.  I am so often an insomniac, that I really need to remember to thank God when I am able to sleep.  What a blessing it is to have a few hours for the body to just rest.  Thank you, Lord for sleep!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 14

Monday, November 14, 2011 (yes, I realize it is now technically the 15th, but I'm going to believe I wasn't late):  Heart to Heart.  At my local church there is a woman's ministry called Heart to Heart in which women mentor one another.  I did it for the first time last year and had a wonderful experience with our pastor's wife Rhonda Sanger, in which she counseled me, offered practical ways of helping me, and prayed for me.  I am very thankful for all of the time she spent and for her continued presence in my life.  God has blessed me so much.  This year, my mentor is Janette Cogliandro.  I am so looking forward to what God is going to teach me through her as well.  Thank you ladies for giving sacrificially of your time and thank you Lord for putting them in my life.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 13

Mmm tea

Sunday, November 13, 2011: Chamomile Tea.  Recently, I have become a fan of hot tea, and as an insomniac, chamomile tea has become one of my favorites.  I very much enjoy the fact that it helps me chill out before bedtime, and sometimes it actually helps me sleep.  I am very thankful for this particular tea.

Grilled Goat Cheese, Caramelized Onion, Spinach, and Bell Pepper Sandwich

Yes, I have a goat cheese addiction

Recipe:

• Two slices of bread
• Crumbled goat cheese
• Purple Onion
• Red Bell Pepper
• Spinach
• Olive Oil
• Sugar
• Salt

Add olive oil, sugar, and salt (the secret ingredient to all things tasty) to a pan along with sliced purple onion.  Saute until soft.  Add red bell pepper and continue to saute until the onions are brownish, then add spinach.  When the spinach is wilted, pile veggies onto the bread and add goat cheese.  Add more olive oil to the pan (I burned mine because I forgot to do this) and cook until browned on both sides.  Enjoy!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 12

Saturday, November 12, 2011: Kelly Chartier.  During my senior year of high school, I caught what I'm sure most students catch those last few months of grade school: senioritis.  I got antsy, impatient, and had some of the worst insomnia I'd had up to that point.  Part of me was so irked that I was willing to do anything to get out of my house.  I even thought about going straight into mission work as opposed to going to college, clearly an overemotional decision that probably would not have ended well.  Thankfully, God blessed me with a girls youth director through my youth group, Kelly Chartier.   We met nearly every week I think of that year.  Most of the time she just listened, but her prayers and counsel got me through a difficult time.  To this day she continues to encourage me and I am so thankful for her.  Thanks Kelly!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 11

Friday, November 11, 2011: Antibiotics and Mucinex.  Need I really say more?

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 10

Thursday, November 10, 2011: Sharli Takekawa.  In the fourth grade, my family and I moved back to Texas after three years in Georgia.  Moving is always hard, even when moving back to God's country ( ;-)) and as we moved during summer time, the prospect of making friends was a bit daunting.  But the apartment complex pool is a fabulous place, not only to make a fool of yourself, but also to meet the other children.  That was where I met Sharli, a wonderful friend through whom God has taught me so, so much. Thank you Sharli for being such a good friend, for praying with and for me, for sharing your creativity, for challenging me constantly.  Love ya girl!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 9

Wednesday, November 9, 2011:  Megan Wilkins.  In August 2010, my job at Christ EPC ended.  I was very sad to be leaving, had yet to find a job, and was moving back in with my parents.  While I had already mourned the loss of this job for months, the sadness really hadn't gone away.  However, amidst all this, God brought me a new friend in Megan Wilkins.  I am so thankful for her friendship, counsel, prayers and help with the youth and when I realize that I might not have become her friend had I not lost my job at CEPC, I find myself comforted.

Thanks Megan for being a wonderful friend!

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 8

Tuesday, November 8, 2011:  Obedience.

⁵ Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

 ⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God, 

   did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 

⁷ but made himself nothing, 

   taking the very nature^[b] of a servant, 

   being made in human likeness. 

⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, 

   he humbled himself 

   and became obedient to death— 

      even death on a cross! 

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place 

   and gave him the name that is above every name, 

¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, 

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 

¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, 

   to the glory of God the Father.

Christ became obedient for the disobedient, for me.  How I need to remind myself of this constantly.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Days 6-7

Late again, but still thankful!  Here goes!

• Sunday, November 6, 2011: Yesterday I was exceedingly thankful for many things including but not limited to excellent preaching, communion with my local church, and a great church luncheon.  The thing I want to focus on though was my prayer/accountability partner Marcelina.  I texted her last night for prayer and she called soon after to pray with me.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.  Go stalk her at  My Cup of Tea!
• Monday, November 7, 2011: Small compliments.  This morning, a Monday (everyone's "favorite" day of the week) a gentleman who came into the office told me I looked "lovely" today (he has the coolest accent).  It was small and simple but made me smile none the less.  I often get irritated by minor things, therefore, I am trying my upmost to instead take stock of the little things I am thankful for, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Day 5

Saturday, November 5, 2011: Vibram running shoes.  A little expensive, but my knees feel better, my calves are stronger, and my race time is faster.  They look ridiculous, but I absolutely love them.

Thanksgiving Countdown: Reflections on Thankfulness

Ever plan to do one of those challenges, then forget to start on the right day?  That's pretty much what I did, but rather than give up, I'm going to play catch up!  The goal?  Thirty days of things I'm thankful for.  Go has been teaching me A LOT about attitude among less than desirable circumstances, and as meditating on what you're thankful for typically helps in having a joyful attitude, I decided to take a little challenge... too bad I missed the first four days of the month.  Doh!

Thankfully (see how I did that there), I remembered today.  So here it comes in warp speed, my first four days of thankfulness wrapped up in one post:

1. Tuesday, November 1, 2011:  Tuesday night bible study.  I love my local church in Katy, but as there are very few people there my age (and none that aren't married) it's sometimes nice to hang out with some single people.  The studies and discussions are always good, and the fellowship is always refreshing.
2. Wednesday, November 2, 2011: Lunch with my mommy.  Since I moved back to the states from Peru, my mom and I try and have lunch at least once a week.  I love that time with her and hope we can continue doing it for a long time.
3. Thursday, November 3, 2011:  Vietnamese Noodle Houses.  Kind of a silly one, but these have become my new obsession.  I visited one for the first time on our mission trip into Houston this summer and was hooked. 
4. And today, Friday, November 4:  My job.  Not my dream job by any means, but an amazing provision from the Lord after over a year of hunting.  God has taught me so much already, and I am so thankful that this job has allowed me to continue working with the girls at my local church.

So what about you?  Anything you're specifically thankful for today? 

Sunday Dinner

Sauce a la Kiki.  Check out her blog over at I Still Hate Pickles.  She has lots of amazing recipes and great insight into parenting, among other things!

MIA: Reflections on Lessons at Work

Whew!  Have things ever been crazy.  Since starting this job and trying to continue meeting with the girls on the weekends I feel like I have no time.  It makes me appreciate the moments I do have to myself, and long for just a little bit of solitude.  But God has been teaching me a lot and I am so thankful to have income, even though I don't particularly enjoy my work.  He's reminding me that His greatest desire for me is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, and that some times you have to experience difficult or uncomfortable things in order for that to happen.  This job often makes me uncomfortable, sometimes it's even made me cry (I'm a bit of a marshmallow), but I'm starting to look at it like a workout: if it's not hard you're not going to see any change.

I'm also learning a lot about my attitude.  This lesson is two fold really.  The first part came with the realization that joy and even happiness are entirely based on attitude.  Romans 12:2 talks about how we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that if we do so we will be able to test and approve of God's will.  I doubt I could do a great job of really fleshing this verse out, but what it's taught me lately is that I need to allow God to renew and change my mind that I might view the world through His eyes.  When He does this, by teaching me about Who He is and what His purpose is, I will begin to understand that His plan is a) for His glory, b) for my good (read, being conformed to the likeness of His Son), and c) much bigger than my little story.  When I begin to understand this, how can I possibly be anything but joyful?  A hard circumstance comes along and rather than moan and complain I can thank God because I know He is good and sovereign and that there is purpose in it.  Of course, I don't always remember this and find myself grumbling and complaining way more often than I should, but when I do I find my emotions set above my circumstances, I find myself joyful.

The second part of this lesson in attitude has come with the realization that I love to believe myself the victim.  It's always someone else's fault, people are always against me, and I am always in the right.  Sound ego-centric and insane?  Of course it is, but then our thoughts, or at least mine are very subtle, they trick me into believing that they are true when they are really absurd!  For example, I make a mistake at work and I'm chewed out for it.  My automatic response is to make excuses and grumble about the unfairness of the reaction dumped on me.  "I'm still new"... "I wasn't really trained that well"... "He/she's just a bitter jerk".  See that?  Rather than taking responsibility for my mistake I make myself a victim and the other person a criminal.  Rather than using the situation to improve, I use it to throw a pity party.  The worst part of this is that I murder the one who reacted to my mistake by turning them into the antagonist in my plot by ripping them to shreds in my mind.  Even if the way they handled the situation was unfair, my response is equally so!  Did they yell at me?  Were they sarcastic?  Were they unfair?  So what!?  How many excuses did I just make for myself when I screwed up?  How can I not offer them the same leeway I offer myself?  I am now the one being unfair and unjust.

Don't read this wrong.  The idea could certainly be misunderstood and misused very easily.  I'm not learning that I should excuse sin or that I should never be bothered when someone does me wrong, nor am I saying that I'm right in excusing my mistakes or sins in the first place.  Rather, I'm learning that I need to show a little mercy on others by seeing my own sinfulness more clearly.  I need to stop seeing myself as a victim pitted against this other person and start seeing myself as this persons fellow criminal.  I know I'm not explaining this well.  After reading anything by C.S. Lewis (lately I've been trying to finish The Weight of Glory) I typically feel like my prose and logic are clumsy at best.  But let me try and end this post with an explanation of what I mean.  Like this other person, I rebelled against the God of creation, the One by Whom and for Whom all things were made.  Like this other person, whoever they are, I fall painfully short of the standard of God's perfection and deserve nothing but condemnation. And like this other person, I am in desperate need of grace.  Furthermore, because I have received grace by means of Christ's sacrifice on the cross, how dare I not offer grace to those I perceive as my enemies? That is a great sin indeed.

So though I struggle with being a receptionist, though I often find it uncomfortable and difficult to be in this particular circumstance, God is teaching me a LOT and I am incredibly thankful.  Pray that He will continue to conform me to the likeness of His Son and that rather than always play the victim, I will see my own sin in stark contrast to His perfection.

New Breakfast

I have never been a big fan of breakfast.  Breakfast food in general has never been my favorite thing to eat in the world, and I've always looked more forward to lunch or dinner far more than my first meal of the day.  Add to it the fact that I've always tried to find something healthy that will keep me full for much longer than an hour and I never really wanted to put much effort into it.  In college I often resorted to a diet coke and peanut butter crackers or an Ottis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chocolate Chip muffin... hardly healthy or long lasting (though tasty).  Recently, however, my attitude toward breakfast has changed, mostly due to my discovery of turkey bacon, goat cheese, and cocoanut milk (excellent in coffee), and I'm always looking for new recipes.  This weekend, I was told about a delicious recipe a friend of mine had eaten at a farmers market in Houston.  Tried it this morning and fell in love.

Recipe:

1/4 cup of Quinoa
Handful of spinach, chopped
Sauteed veggies (I used green peppers and purple onions though I think red peppers would have been better, and you can, of course, use any kind you want)
1 poached egg
Goat cheese (I just sprinkled it on without measuring)

Anybody else have interesting breakfast recipes?

Driven to Prayer: Reflection on Hard Times

‎"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." Psalm 119:67 & 71


I couldn't bring myself to call what I'm going through suffering, the word almost seems presumptuous especially in light of what I consider real suffering, but I will say that I am not going through an easy time.  Why God has me where He does is a mystery to me and I often believe lies that I am somehow inadequate and that is why I am amidst these circumstances.  But I had a great conversation today with my pastor that truly uplifted my spirit.  God has been showing me lately that the most important thing in life is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son and to run to Him constantly.  What conforms us to the likeness of His Son and what makes us run to Him most?  Difficulty, tears, longing, sorrow... in comfort we often grow lazy, in good times we are prone to lose sight of Him, and in success we take the credit, but when things suck (sorry Mom and Dad), we are driven to our knees.  


Don't get me wrong, this realization, this lesson is not making me skip through the daisies and smile like some sort of deranged Easter Bunny (Yes, I'm very much looking forward to Christmas and Christmas Story), in fact I've had a pretty rotten attitude lately and I definitely cried to my mommy tonight, but there is that strange peaceful joy in my heart, a closeness to my savior that reassures me that He had the best in mind, that His suffering for me was far greater than mine ever could be, and that He will be right beside me all the way through.  Right now I'm amidst a tapestry; God sees the whole picture and all I can see are the threads.  One day I'll look back and rejoice on the mercy and grace I didn't see before, and for now I will remind myself of the grace and mercy of the cross.

Daily Logic Lesson: Reflections on Fallacies

I've noticed lately that when people argue, especially on social media such as Facebook or comment seconds under news articles, they generally use horrific logic and emotionalism to try and get their point across.  This usually leads to pathetic name calling and no decent discussion gets done.  I've noticed this verbally as well, if any discussion happens at all, and so I decided to begin daily logic lessons.  I find logical fallacies interesting and unfortunately we are so undereducated in the art of discussion and argument that pretty much all of us use them.  So today, I looked up the Straw Man Argument.

"A straw man is a component of an argument and is an informal fallacy based on misrepresentation of an opponent's position.  To 'attack a straw man' is to create the illusion of having refuted a proposition by replacing it with a superficially similar yet unequivalent proposition (the 'straw man'), and refuting it, without ever having actually refuted the original position."

It would benefit our society to be better at supporting our opinions, especially as Christians.  Christ warned His disciples to be shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16), and I think that learning to argue well is probably part of this.  So the next time you find yourself in a discussion with anyone really, step back, keep your emotions in check, and avoid using this fallacy.

Short Update: Reflections on God's Plan and Timing

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I did not get the job in North Carolina.  It makes me sad, discouraged, and frustrated, but I rejoice because I know that is clearly not where God wants me, and I know that He does have a plan for my life.  At the moment all I can see are the threads of the tapestry, the brush strokes of the painting.  Cheesy metaphors, but I rather like them.  This rejection is another part of God's conforming me to the likeness of His Son, of bringing glory to His name.  "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those He predestined, He also called, those He called, He also justified, those He justified, He also glorified."(Romans 8:28-30)  We often find comfort in that first verse, but forget to look on to the next two verses.  His plans for us are meant to conform us to the likeness of Christ, who justified us by the spilling of His blood, making us His coheirs.  Coheirs!  We are called coheirs of Christ, His brothers and sisters, God's children.  We by no means deserve this.  We rebelled against our great Creator who gave us paradise to live in, we rejected Him, despised Him, and then we nailed Him to a tree... yet he makes us His sons and daughters and promises to work our circumstances for good, not just good but best.  I will continue to remind myself of these things and hope in His promises.  One day I will look back and see how He has guided my steps, but for now I will hold tight to His truths and hope that these words might encourage someone else.

A Post for My Vegetarian Pals

Looks kind of gross, but is delicious!

Sometimes, it's cheaper to be a vegetarian.  Occasionally, I will go meatless simply to save a few bucks and to give my colon a break and it's in these times that I get creative.  Last night I was trying to come up with a healthy dinner to eat that didn't require too many ingredients and involved black beans.  It was then that I came across black bean burgers.  I had to search for a simple recipe for a while but eventually stumbled across this one:


Ingredients:

• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 can black beans, well drained
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 slices bread, crumbled
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp seasoned salt
• salt and pepper to taste
• oil for frying

Preparation:

Sautee the onions till soft, about 3-5 minutes.  

In a large bowl, mash the beans until almost smooth.  Add sauteed onions and the rest of the ingredients, except the oil, adding the flour a few tablespoons at a time to combine well.  Form bean mixture into patties and fry patties in a small amount of oil until slightly firm.

Because I love guacamole, I topped it with that and made kale chips, which are so simple it's amazing.  

Kale chips:

Ingredients:

1 bunch of kale

1 tablespoon of olive oil

Salt!

Directions:

1. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees.  Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (I skipped the parchment paper).
2. Pull off leaves from the thick stems in bite sized pieces and drizzle with oil and sprinkle with salt.
3. Back until brown or about 10-15 minutes.  It only took mine about nine because I didn't use the whole head.

I thought they were going to be soggy at first but on my first bite I knew I was wrong.  Crunchy and light and delicious!  Certainly not the same as regular chips but still very good!

Red, White, and Blue! Reflection on Freedom

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."  Franklin

star spangled cupcake!  yum!

More importantly than a free nation, however, is a soul freed from the bondage of sin and given peace with its Creator.  The price was high; the wrath of God was poured out on His own Son as an atonement for our sin, so that we might be freed from sin and brought into a relationship with God.  Today, let's celebrate our freedom in Christ as well as a nation.  Take neither for granted.


"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1