Always Pray: Refection on Memorial Day

No matter how we feel about wars past and present, no matter how we feel about the military, no matter our political persuasion, we should always pray for our soldiers and their families.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

"I Hate All Your Show": Reflections on Worship

 ²¹"I hate, I despise your feasts,
and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.

²²Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings,

   I will not accept them;

and the peace offerings of your fattened animals,

   I will not look upon them.

²³Take away from me the noise of your songs;

   to the melody of your harps I will not listen.

²⁴But let justice roll down like waters,

   and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Amos 5:21-24

Often times when a particularly convicting passage of scripture is presented to us our first response as recovering sin addicts is to think of someone else.  I find myself doing this all the time.  "Yes," I muse to myself.  "I know of someone who would benefit greatly from reading this passage.  'X' should be convicted by this truth."  I then proceed to go on my own merry, self-righteous way feeling that God is very lucky to have me on His side.
The problem here, of course, is not necessarily that 'X' would not benefit from such convictions, but rather that I often allow myself to be blind to the fact that I am the one who needs to be convicted.  Even if on the surface it seems I am innocent of a particular sin, if I look deeper, allow the Spirit to dig into my deepest motivations and thoughts, I will see with absolute certainty, that there is no sin I am not guilty of.  
Take the passage above as an example.  As a fairly conservative Christian of the Reformed Presbyterian persuasion (frozen chosen we are often, unfortunately called) I might be prone to look at other denominations, particularly the Pentecostals (Pente-crazy as my Pentecostal friend calls herself), and immediately prescribe this verse to them.  I note the emotionalism of their worship, the effects used to create mood and tone (fog machines anyone), and label it a show rather than true worship.  After all, I think, it is often the most emotional worshipers I would see the following Friday or Saturday night participating in extreme versions of partying like it's 1999 (Or May 21, 2011, wait...).  I saw this occasionally in college and of course now as an adult I see it even more.  Clearly these are the types of people Amos would have been talking about, those who put on a show at Church and then going about and living every day as if they had no relationship with their savior whatever. (On a side note, Pentecostals would not be the only denomination my self-righteous judgment would reach but for the sake of time and space I won't list them all.)  The problem with this is not that others are not guilty of sin themselves, but rather that I am guilty as well.  
Often I joke about being an unofficial politician.  Not only am I good at convincing others of my own innocence and perfection, but I can even deceive myself into believing this lie.  My version of this "show" as Jon Foreman calls it, is being a biblical, spiritual nerd.  I know the Bible well, I pride myself on obedience to parents, and on the fact that I avoid 'R' rated movies, and that I don't go partying like those other "sinners" do (Trivia question: who do I sound like?  Hint).  But this is all deception.  My outsides might look good but on the inside sin is embedded deep!  On the hidden underbelly of my motivations are pride, a desire to be worshiped by others for my "good deeds", and a feeling of false superiority.  Yet very often I can barely see it, I am blind because I've had great practice lying to myself and others for a good 25 years... I can't even save myself and must cry out with Paul "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24).
But his cry does not end there.  He continues on with the hope I must cling to myself, that I have a great savior in Christ, who makes the blind see.  "Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  (Romans 7:25)  Because of His sacrifice, I can see through to my own sin and be rid of my own show and fall to my knees before Him with the promise of a righteousness that is not my own and a justification I do not deserve.
May I continue to Hate All My Show, and overflow with justice and mercy.

Sometimes KSBJ Does Good...

Sidewalk Prophets

You Love me Anyway

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly little lie

It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly

But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How you love me

It took all of my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find

The reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And Why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me (x4)

How You love me (x3) 

Missing Peru

Bought the dress and the necklace on the beach two years ago in Peru.
Picture idea totally stolen from my fellow blogger Roxy.  

I Live Because He Lives: Reflection on the Resurrection

"He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed."  1 Peter 2:24

Good Friday: Reflections on the Cross

"The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life - only to take it up again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.  This command I received from my Father."  John 10:17-18

"Put your sword away!  Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"  John 18:11

"My kingdom is not of this world.  If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews.  But now my kingdom is from another place."  John 18:36

"I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise."  Luke 23:43

"It is finished."  John 19:30

By No Means the End: Reflections on Loss

"End?  No, the journey doesn't end here.  Death is just another path...One we all must take.  The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass...And then you see it...White shores...and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."

Sunday night our Sister in Christ, Melanie Sweenie, was relieved of her suffering and taken home to her savior.  It's a hard thing for those of us who are left behind, harder still for her two young sons and her husband, but we can take comfort in knowing that her work was finished.  Right now, she is getting to look upon the face of the savior with perfect vision and hear the words "well done good and faithful servant."  This was no surprise to Him who knows the number of our days and in that I pray we can all find comfort in this time.  God did not look down on Melanie, gasp, and think, "whoops, wasn't paying attention there", rather He was the one calling her home, drawing her into eternal rest.  He is also the One who will comfort her family, and use this to grown and strengthen them as He uses their local church to gather around them.

While we mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15), we continue to rejoice that death, eternal death, has been concurred, and say along with Paul, "'O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?'  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:55-57  By the sacrifice of Christ Jesus, Melanie, along with all who believe on Him, is free from the penalty of sin and now she is completely free from its oppression (2 Corinthians 5:21).  May we take hope in this, no matter the tragedies we experience in this life.

Pasta! More Reflections on Food.

Drying pasta

I love food.  And if you read my blog with any regularity you will know that this is quite the understatement.  I also love to cook and one of my all time favorite people to cook with is the great Kandy Steen.  When I was working at Christ EPC in Houston, the youth staff took a cooking class from her during the summer.  She is a cooking ninja.  We learned to make gourmet macaroni, spatzle, cheese cake, and pasta from scratch, just to name a few and every recipe I have tried on my own and shared with others has been a huge hit.  Today, I got to help her cook all of the meals for this week because she hurt her hand and to be quite honest, I made out like a bandit.  We cooked chicken and andouille sausage gumbo, a rotisserie chicken casserole with amazing white sauce, and home made pasta with Italian sausage ragou.  And of course she let me take some home.

As pasta is pretty much my favorite food to cook on my list of things to request for my birthday or Christmas:  a kitchen aide with a pasta attachment.  YUM!

Now tell me:  What's your favorite dish to cook?  

A Plethora of Pictures

Some of the most delicious carrot cake from a cafe in Fulshear!

The sun through the trees

Marcelina helping us make dinner

Backyard flowers

Tree in our backyard.  At one time we thought it would be a fun place for future kiddos to play, then we discovered there might be snakes.

Flowers

One flower

Gossip: Reflections on Murder

"You shall not murder."  Exodus 20:13

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.'  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment...But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matthew 5:21-22

This last Sunday I lead the youth in a discussion about the sixth commandment, 'You shall not murder.'  It seems simple enough in theory.  Most people look at such a command and think, 'I'm doing pretty good, haven't killed anyone recently', and most of the time when confronted with news stories about brutal murders or the issue of abortion, my sense of righteous anger and justice are excited.  How could anyone do x, y, z?  I wonder.  It's so inhuman!

But then, I'm confronted with the words of Christ in Matthew.  He doesn't let me off the hook.  In fact, He digs deeper into the heart and reveals to me just how wickedly sinful I am.  He says that if I am angry with someone, if I call them a name, then I am a murderer in the eyes of God.  Wow!  Hold the phone!  A murderer?  Sweet and innocent Courtney?  (For the record, if you're thinking this you clearly don't know me as well as you think you do.)  The answer to this question of course is a resounding yes.

The fact is, at the heart of my anger and my name calling is a heart that is not valuing human life!  And is that not what murder is?  Devaluing life?  Talk about convicting.

One of the pastor's wives furthered my conviction when she mentioned gossip as a topic heavily addressed in the bible.  I didn't realize this right away, but later on that day I considered the fact that gossip, like hate, is just one more way of devaluating human life!  Gossip has, at its heart, the same sinful attitude as murder.  We cannot escape it.  It puts us first, others second, and maybe God third.  It say, "I am infinitely superior to everyone around me, and I place value on what I will place value."  This leaves absolutely no room for us to think well of ourselves, and that's the point!  That was Jesus' point.  He did not come to the world to raise our self-esteem, He came to the world to give us a new nature, to satisfy the wrath that we deserved, and to grant us a right relationship with God.

It is this kind of grace that knocks the wind out of me and leaves me speechless.  I pray it does you too.

In Tragedy

Amidst tragedy we have a great and good God.  Amidst tragedy we have hope.  Amidst tragedy we can come together as the body of Christ and show the world what it means to be one in Spirit and in truth.  Amidst tragedy the kingdom of God is advanced.  Amidst tragedy we cling less to the things of this world and more to its creator.  Amidst tragedy God is glorified through His people.



http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php

Cowtown Run Photos

These must have been taken near the end of the race because I look pretty wiped, but I'm glad to have some pictures of me running now!

Cant? Or Won't?

Driving home tonight, completely beat and rather wobbily, I could only think of how nice it would be to live less than twenty minutes from Katy. Fulshear really isn't in the middle of nowhere, but often times a twenty minute drive feels that way, especially when you are exhausted. Most of this, admittedly, is my own fault but that realization never improves my attitude and in fact, it typically makes it worse. This of course, was my emotional state when I got behind a five belower. Never heard of one of those? It's a person who insists on driving five below the speed limit when there is no traffic in sight and nothing between them and the open road but some obvious rancor towards you, the exhausted person behind them (you see the problem with my attitude emerging already -- clearly I am the center of the universe and everyone's minds... insert eye roll here___). So I get stuck behind this five belower on a one way road with little opportunity to pass them when a thought enters my mind in the form of a "prayer". It goes something like "Lord, please speed them up, I can't handle this."

Really? Can't handle it? Now in a way, there is some theological truth to this statement. Left to myself, with no outside help, I can't choose to put up with a horrific (read minor) annoyance, and am a slave to my tired emotions. But this, of course, is not the case. As a child of God trusting in the finished work of Christ on my behalf (and on behalf of all those He loves) I am not left to myself. I have a power established inside of me that enables me to do that which my sinful nature would never choose to do! Therefore, when I decide to react badly, sinfully to a certain situation, it isn't that I couldn't act in the right way, it's that I wouldn't. I need to do what Paul encourages in Philippians 1:12-14 and to "work out [my] own salvation in fear and trembling, for it is God who works in [us], both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

It's an odd tension, knowing both that God is the One willing us to do good and that it is our responsibility to work, but it is there very clearly in scripture. Maybe it is a little like eating good food. The nutrients strengthen you to do the work, but if you don't actually get up and run you will never accomplish your goal. All analogies break down at a point but you understand my meaning. Pray for the strength to obey, then go an do it whether you understand it or not.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and how inscrutable His ways! 'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?' For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:33-36

Cowtown Run

This weekend, I headed out to Fort Worth for my first 10K. Around 5:30 in the morning I was up and eating a Cliff bar with little hope of running it in under an hour. For those of you who do not know, a 10K is six miles and as I normal run fairly slow (maybe a 12 minute mile or so) I figured it might take me an hour and a half. Granted, in a race I always run much faster, but I still was not hopeful. This did not depress me of course as I was more than happy to get an 'E' for effort and maybe even enthusiasm, and so I went into the race planning on doing my best and just being glad to finish. By the grace of God I finished in 56 minutes and 2 seconds, just two minutes behind a friend of mine who was running. It was very encouraging and just what I needed to revive my slowly waning running routine.

What was cool was the amount of people of the city who came out to cheer the runners on and it reminded me of a very important Christian truth. One of the reasons why we gather together as Christians, aside from the obvious joy of worshiping together, is so that we can, or at least should, encourage one another. Every time I began to feel as if I could not run much longer, we would pass crowds of cheering people, telling us that we could do it, that there was only a little more to go, and even providing gatorade and water to give us strength. It reminded me that this is what I should be doing for my brothers and sisters in Christ, cheering them on as they press on toward the goal to which God has called them heavenward (Phil 3:14). So I encourage you to encourage others, because we are not in this race alone!

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25

A Night Around the Fire

In the nicer weather we've been having lately, my family has been sitting around our outdoor fireplace to read. The sky was really clear the last time we did this and I practiced a little night photography. Clearly I need to work on it or learn the secrets of the trade or something, but I still think they look pretty cool.

You could see the moon through the trees, but you can't see them in the photos. I'm sure there is some technical way to do it and I'm going to work on figuring it out, but for now I still think it looks pretty neat.

You can kind of see the trees here, but it still doesn't look as cool as it actually was.

A test picture that I thought actually looked interesting.

I love the sunsets out in Fulshear lately, so beautiful.

Food Art

I have never been very visually artistic myself, but I love art in all its forms. Today I went to one of my favorite sushi places and was presented with the coolest shashimi I've personally ever seen. Even the carrots are flowers! They also have the best ginger dressing I've ever tasted, it's even good on the sushi. Shameless plug: Sushi Hana is fabulous.

God Washes Human's Feet: Reflections on Divine Humility

⁵Then he [Jesus] poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him..."Do you understand what I have done to you? ¹³ You call meTeacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. ¹⁴If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet."

John 13:5 and 12-14

It was because He was assured of his divinity that Christ did not demand His rights and that He was able to wash the dirty, stinky feet of his disciples, including Judas His betrayer. How much more should we, then, wash the feet of those around us? We are assured in scripture of our place as co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17), therefore, let us not demand our rights as such, but consider others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

Valentine Sunsets

Through the trees in Fulshear

By the garage, still in Fulshear

After dropping off Amy Simon.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

"A new commandment I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

Reflections on Valentines

⁶For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— ⁸but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

I am ashamed to admit that around Valentine's Day I get rather grumpy and bitter. It is a sin that I need to confess and flee from, but a habit that tends to be difficult for me to break. It's a sin because I am grumpy and bitter because I desire to be married and yet it hasn't happened yet. It is a sin because I know that I am loved more deeply than I deserve by the God of the Universe and that He showed me this love by suffering the penalty I incurred with my rebellion against Him. Romans 5 says that scarcely will someone die for a righteous or a good man, yet the Lord Jesus suffered and died for me, the worst of sinners. So going against tradition, I'm making a Valentines resolution. With the help of the Holy Spirit I am going to take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5) by reminding myself constantly of all He has done for me and in turn show love to the unloved as best I can. So to all my readers, the few and far between, I wish you a Happy Valentines Day. May you be made deeply aware of the love God has for you.

Verse of the Week

"Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love." Lamentations 3:32

God is faithful, good, and sovereign even when things appear black. His plans are not simply good for us, but the best for us. While we all hold responsibility for our actions, He works all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Like Joseph and his brothers and Christ on the cross, great sin can be used for great good by our omnipotent creator. I am thankful that though I am undeserving, He is merciful and gracious enough to love me and work all things for good. Pray that I will have peace and joy during this desert storm.