Short Update: Reflections on God's Plan and Timing

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I did not get the job in North Carolina.  It makes me sad, discouraged, and frustrated, but I rejoice because I know that is clearly not where God wants me, and I know that He does have a plan for my life.  At the moment all I can see are the threads of the tapestry, the brush strokes of the painting.  Cheesy metaphors, but I rather like them.  This rejection is another part of God's conforming me to the likeness of His Son, of bringing glory to His name.  "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those He predestined, He also called, those He called, He also justified, those He justified, He also glorified."(Romans 8:28-30)  We often find comfort in that first verse, but forget to look on to the next two verses.  His plans for us are meant to conform us to the likeness of Christ, who justified us by the spilling of His blood, making us His coheirs.  Coheirs!  We are called coheirs of Christ, His brothers and sisters, God's children.  We by no means deserve this.  We rebelled against our great Creator who gave us paradise to live in, we rejected Him, despised Him, and then we nailed Him to a tree... yet he makes us His sons and daughters and promises to work our circumstances for good, not just good but best.  I will continue to remind myself of these things and hope in His promises.  One day I will look back and see how He has guided my steps, but for now I will hold tight to His truths and hope that these words might encourage someone else.

A Post for My Vegetarian Pals

Looks kind of gross, but is delicious!

Sometimes, it's cheaper to be a vegetarian.  Occasionally, I will go meatless simply to save a few bucks and to give my colon a break and it's in these times that I get creative.  Last night I was trying to come up with a healthy dinner to eat that didn't require too many ingredients and involved black beans.  It was then that I came across black bean burgers.  I had to search for a simple recipe for a while but eventually stumbled across this one:


Ingredients:

• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 can black beans, well drained
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 slices bread, crumbled
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp seasoned salt
• salt and pepper to taste
• oil for frying

Preparation:

Sautee the onions till soft, about 3-5 minutes.  

In a large bowl, mash the beans until almost smooth.  Add sauteed onions and the rest of the ingredients, except the oil, adding the flour a few tablespoons at a time to combine well.  Form bean mixture into patties and fry patties in a small amount of oil until slightly firm.

Because I love guacamole, I topped it with that and made kale chips, which are so simple it's amazing.  

Kale chips:

Ingredients:

1 bunch of kale

1 tablespoon of olive oil

Salt!

Directions:

1. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees.  Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (I skipped the parchment paper).
2. Pull off leaves from the thick stems in bite sized pieces and drizzle with oil and sprinkle with salt.
3. Back until brown or about 10-15 minutes.  It only took mine about nine because I didn't use the whole head.

I thought they were going to be soggy at first but on my first bite I knew I was wrong.  Crunchy and light and delicious!  Certainly not the same as regular chips but still very good!

Red, White, and Blue! Reflection on Freedom

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."  Franklin

star spangled cupcake!  yum!

More importantly than a free nation, however, is a soul freed from the bondage of sin and given peace with its Creator.  The price was high; the wrath of God was poured out on His own Son as an atonement for our sin, so that we might be freed from sin and brought into a relationship with God.  Today, let's celebrate our freedom in Christ as well as a nation.  Take neither for granted.


"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1

Cooking Escapades! Patriotic Style

One of the best ways to bond with others, in my humble opinion, is to cook with them.  Today, one of my Jr. High girls and I made fruit pizza together.  Here are pictures and the recipe:

Step 1: Mix 1 cup of sugar, 8oz of cream cheese, and a tub of  Cool Whip.

Step 1B: Enjoy yourself while sugar cookie cooks whilst sharing embarrassing moments.

Step 2: After cookie has cooled dump frosting on top... then spread.

Step 3: Decorate with fruit.

Step 4: Enjoy!

Book List

Book list as of June 2011:

When I first began Les Miserables, I was a bit overwhelmed.  1194 pages long, tons of French history, and the first 54 pages or so gave great detail to the priest.  Yikes.  But when I began reading it again today I finally met Jean Valjean and the story began to pick up.  Maybe after I finish this one I can try and tackle War and Peace... but we'll have to see.

As always, Lewis is a wonderful, if not challenging, read.  He addresses things in such a way that I never would have thought to, and explains things so well.  I am having to read it a little at a time, but I look forward to discovering what he has to say.

Nero Wolfe is my literary junk food, but it's not actually junk food.  The mysteries are fairly easy reads but the writing really is very good and he always keeps me guessing and laughing.  I read this to give my brain a break from Les Miserables and Weight of Glory.  I highly recommend Nero Wolfe to anyone who likes a good mystery.

Another Shameless Plug

Kiki over at I Still Hate Pickles is one of the best bloggers out there.  A bold statement, but then her posts are informative, insightful, and often hilarious... and she's my friend.  Right now she has a goal of reaching 200 followers so here is my shameless plug of the week: go check out her blog!  Really, you should follow her.  Her kiddos always give you a good laugh (as well as her daily disasters), her coupon advice brilliant, her recipes divine, and she's an excellent photographer and artist.  So go follow her!  You won't regret it.

Shameless plug ended.

New Shoes

My new favorite shoes.

When most girls begin gabbing about new shoes, they are typically referring to super cute heels with some sort of amazing bedazzle that they either got on sale or for some price they refuse to divulge, when I talk about new shoes, I normally mean one of two things: a) something under $12 from Target, b) awesome new running shoes whose price I do not care to divulge.  Today, I'm gushing about the latter.

When I first heard about "barefoot running" I was torn between skepticism and excitement.  For most of my life I have preferred to tramp around barefoot and if it was socially acceptable (and safe) I would probably never wear shoes again, but I had been so trained into believing that I needed tennis shoes to run that I wasn't immediately sold on the idea.  I had played Ultimate Frisbee barefoot for a long time and love it, but that was on the grass, grass I knew to be at least somewhat safe.  Then, I had two guys tell me that "the rumors were true", that ever since they began running either barefoot or in the Vibram Five Finger shoes they had been injury free.  Finally, I decided to take the plunge myself.

I'd been having trouble with my left knee for a while, so much so that I'd given up on the idea of ever running anything more than a 10K, but when I began training in my Vibrams the knee pain slowly but surely went away.  Where as I used to wake up in the middle of the night with an aching knee, now I could run without any of that horrible, pounding pressure under my knee cap.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not tried it, but I'm totally sold on the shoes.  They protect the bottoms of my feet and help me run more on the balls of my feet.  I don't really care how ridiculous they look, if they will help me avoid pain, I'm sold.  Anyone else tried these?  Got another brand you prefer?  I hear they also get rid of shin splints and pretty much change your running form entirely.

Early Post of the Week: Reflections on Singleness

"Singleness is never carte blanche for selfishness.  A spouse is not a sufficient countermeasure for self.  The gospel is the only antidote for egocentricity.  Christ did not come simply to save us from our sings, He came to save us from our selves.  And He most often rescues us from us through relationships, all kings of relationships."  Paige Benton

Unintentionally Funny Signs

Get vaccinated against singles!

It's not so much that the sign is unintentionally funny as it is the fact that I misread it.  On first look, more than once mind you, I read "Protect Against Singles".  For about a nanosecond I was very offended.  Haha!  Anyone else misread a sign that made you laugh?  And or get offended?

Hesitant Update

^"13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil."  James 4: 13-16


I always shy away from talking too much about my job search on Facebook and my blog mostly because it's been over a year since I've been looking for one.  Add to that the verse above and the fact that if I find a job I will in many ways be abandoning the ministry I am currently volunteering at and I become all the more hesitant.  Moreover, when you have been turned down for at least five jobs you start to grow a bit fearful, especially when it comes to ministry.  I start to worry that maybe I misunderstood what God is calling me to do, that I'm being too picky, too specific, too bullheaded, not willing to try something different.  I also struggle with the fear that the reason my last job ended was because of something I did wrong, that I stink at what I love to do.  I've lost night's of sleep spent in worry (and in prayer) over all of these things, including the fear that I will disappoint someone no matter what I do.


And so I find myself hesitantly excited about my job interview tomorrow.  I had all but given up my search for youth ministry positions when Richard Harris, the Young Adults Pastor at Christ EPC, found one that I had missed.  A PCA church in Matthews, North Carolina, a place I'd never heard of, is hiring a full time Middle School Girls Youth Director ASAP.  ASAP.  As in July.  Unlike the other times I've applied for various youth positions I applied for this one with very little hope.  When I got an e-mail back with the application I struggled through the answers, feeling like I was hitting a wall, like I was brain dead, and I ended up sending it in feeling even more dismal than before.


But God never ceases to surprise me.  Two weeks ago I get a call from the Youth Pastor and have a little mini interview, then yesterday he calls again to set up a Skype interview with the staff.  I'm excited... but still hesitant.  A church in Mississippi flew me down for an interview a few months ago only to turn me down later, and the prospect of such a large church is a little overwhelming, but I know that even if I don't get the job it's all part of God's good and sovereign plan.  It's been painful.  It's been exhausting.  But God has shown me so much about Himself and I am learning to trust Him while I wait.


So please pray for me as I prepare to interview tomorrow.  Pray that I would have wisdom, a clear mind, and that I would rejoice no matter the outcome.

Quote of the Week: C.S. Lewis

"...poetry replaces grammar, gospel replaces law, longing transforms obedience, as gradually the tide lifts a grounded ship."  

Battle with a Door Knob: Reflections on Clumsiness

First black eye

Every since I was a little kid I've been a bit clumsy.  Most of my childhood pictures have me sporting giant goose eggs on my head.  I was much like Maggie from the Simpsons, falling face first into whatever was in front of me.  For some reason I couldn't figure out that throwing my hands down to brace my fall would save me some brain cells one day.  Even in high school, after years of dance I still had issues with falling.  My dance team even gave me a fall limit per class period.  Once in college I fell in front of an entire History class, getting myself trapped between two chairs that had been screwed to the floor.  Not my most shining moment.  But believe it or not with all this falling I have never broken anything (except a few toes) and I had never gotten a black eye... until now.

You would think this incident would start off with something like "Last week at roller derby..." but instead it begins in the bathroom.  Yeah, seriously.  Don't worry, this will not be a TMI post, I was actually just bending down to pick something up.  It was when I straightened that it happened.  I must have straightened up way too quickly because all of a sudden there were stars exploding in front of my eyes and ringing in my ears.  With my hand to my head I literally felt the bump grow... very weird.  I figured the worst I had to worry about was headaches, which I've had for a few days, and missing at least one day of Camp Gladiator (Patrick did not, in fact, let me work out the next day) but I didn't think I'd end up with a black eye.  It's not painfully obvious, but the bruise that is still mostly on my forehead has moved down around my eye just in time for a wedding.  The space between my eyes is also swollen, but the goose egg is pretty much gone.  I would like to say "Yeah, I look bad but you should see the other guy..." but the door knob pretty much looks the same.  Maybe next time I'll win.

So what's your story?  Any epic bruises to tell about?

Burn Away the Dross: Birthday Reflection

Grace, grace for all who love the Lord Jesus Christ, with an undying love,

Grace, grace to all who love the Lord Jesus Christ, with an undying love!

Give me an undying love for You,

Lord won't you set my heart aflame with passion for Your name.

Give me an undying love for You,

Lord won't you take me to the cross,

I count it all as loss,

please burn away the dross so that nothing else remains,

but an undying love.

 "Remove the dross from the silver, 
   and out comes material for the silversmith."  

Proverbs 25:4

Dross must be removed from silver in order to increase its purity, its value.  In order to do so, the silver must be placed where the fire is the hottest so that all the impurities will be burnt away.  No doubt if silver had nerve endings this would not be a pleasant experience.  But what is also interesting is that the silversmith doing his work must sit holding the silver until it is done.  He can’t simply leave it and go about his other business.  If the silver is left too long in the flames it would be destroyed therefore he must keep his eyes on it the entire time.  And how does he know when it is completely refined?  When he can see his reflection in it.

Trials to us are like flames to silver, refining us, making us pure and holy.  Yet amidst the flames we often forget that God is also like the silversmith, sitting with us, not a passive observer but an active refiner.  Every second has purpose and He will not allow us to be destroyed.  My prayer for this new year of my life (year 26) would be that I would remember my refiner while I am in the flames and that I would learn to praise Him in the most difficult situation.

Warning! Shameless Plug

Occasionally I use my blog for shameless plugs.  Here's one now.  I heard about Camp Gladiator from a friend and after checking out their free preview week I had to sign up.  It's a great work out for many reasons but I'd have to say the top three reasons are as follows:

1. The trainers are certified personal trainers who do care that you are doing things right (a.k.a. proper form) and can help you out with injuries (Patrick, the Katy trainer figured out where my injury was and I feel eons better now).
2. It's all about competition in a group setting which makes you push yourself
3. When you sign up you can go to any location you want to.  Ex: Houston, Austin, Katy, Dallas.
4. When you sign up because I told you about it I get a discount (what?  that's not the best reason?)
5. There's a spouse discount
6. We play games

There are many more reasons you should join, but these are just a few.  Hope to see you out there!

Shameless plug ended.

Always Pray: Refection on Memorial Day

No matter how we feel about wars past and present, no matter how we feel about the military, no matter our political persuasion, we should always pray for our soldiers and their families.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

"I Hate All Your Show": Reflections on Worship

 ²¹"I hate, I despise your feasts,
and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.

²²Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings,

   I will not accept them;

and the peace offerings of your fattened animals,

   I will not look upon them.

²³Take away from me the noise of your songs;

   to the melody of your harps I will not listen.

²⁴But let justice roll down like waters,

   and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Amos 5:21-24

Often times when a particularly convicting passage of scripture is presented to us our first response as recovering sin addicts is to think of someone else.  I find myself doing this all the time.  "Yes," I muse to myself.  "I know of someone who would benefit greatly from reading this passage.  'X' should be convicted by this truth."  I then proceed to go on my own merry, self-righteous way feeling that God is very lucky to have me on His side.
The problem here, of course, is not necessarily that 'X' would not benefit from such convictions, but rather that I often allow myself to be blind to the fact that I am the one who needs to be convicted.  Even if on the surface it seems I am innocent of a particular sin, if I look deeper, allow the Spirit to dig into my deepest motivations and thoughts, I will see with absolute certainty, that there is no sin I am not guilty of.  
Take the passage above as an example.  As a fairly conservative Christian of the Reformed Presbyterian persuasion (frozen chosen we are often, unfortunately called) I might be prone to look at other denominations, particularly the Pentecostals (Pente-crazy as my Pentecostal friend calls herself), and immediately prescribe this verse to them.  I note the emotionalism of their worship, the effects used to create mood and tone (fog machines anyone), and label it a show rather than true worship.  After all, I think, it is often the most emotional worshipers I would see the following Friday or Saturday night participating in extreme versions of partying like it's 1999 (Or May 21, 2011, wait...).  I saw this occasionally in college and of course now as an adult I see it even more.  Clearly these are the types of people Amos would have been talking about, those who put on a show at Church and then going about and living every day as if they had no relationship with their savior whatever. (On a side note, Pentecostals would not be the only denomination my self-righteous judgment would reach but for the sake of time and space I won't list them all.)  The problem with this is not that others are not guilty of sin themselves, but rather that I am guilty as well.  
Often I joke about being an unofficial politician.  Not only am I good at convincing others of my own innocence and perfection, but I can even deceive myself into believing this lie.  My version of this "show" as Jon Foreman calls it, is being a biblical, spiritual nerd.  I know the Bible well, I pride myself on obedience to parents, and on the fact that I avoid 'R' rated movies, and that I don't go partying like those other "sinners" do (Trivia question: who do I sound like?  Hint).  But this is all deception.  My outsides might look good but on the inside sin is embedded deep!  On the hidden underbelly of my motivations are pride, a desire to be worshiped by others for my "good deeds", and a feeling of false superiority.  Yet very often I can barely see it, I am blind because I've had great practice lying to myself and others for a good 25 years... I can't even save myself and must cry out with Paul "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24).
But his cry does not end there.  He continues on with the hope I must cling to myself, that I have a great savior in Christ, who makes the blind see.  "Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  (Romans 7:25)  Because of His sacrifice, I can see through to my own sin and be rid of my own show and fall to my knees before Him with the promise of a righteousness that is not my own and a justification I do not deserve.
May I continue to Hate All My Show, and overflow with justice and mercy.

Sometimes KSBJ Does Good...

Sidewalk Prophets

You Love me Anyway

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly little lie

It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly

But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How you love me

It took all of my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find

The reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And Why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me (x4)

How You love me (x3) 

Missing Peru

Bought the dress and the necklace on the beach two years ago in Peru.
Picture idea totally stolen from my fellow blogger Roxy.  

I Live Because He Lives: Reflection on the Resurrection

"He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed."  1 Peter 2:24

Good Friday: Reflections on the Cross

"The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life - only to take it up again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.  This command I received from my Father."  John 10:17-18

"Put your sword away!  Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"  John 18:11

"My kingdom is not of this world.  If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews.  But now my kingdom is from another place."  John 18:36

"I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise."  Luke 23:43

"It is finished."  John 19:30