Thursday, November 05, 2009

Halloween

Ok, so for the most part I really don't like Halloween.  I can't watch TV because scary movies are rampant along with freaky episodes of TV shows, people throw water balloons at your car nearly causing you to get into accidents (true story, jerks), and there is no awesome meal with the family like at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and even the Fourth of July!  However, the costume party I went to for our singles group at church was a lot of fun!  I got to connect with the singles much more than I have in the past, there was lots of good food (queso!), and some really funny costumes!  In the end it was a fun night!  Here is a picture of a few of us.  If you can't tell, I'm a bumble bee and yes, I am having to stand on my toes to get my arms over the girls on either side of me.  I'm short, but tall enough to reach my hair as my dad says!

From left to right: Dr. House, Nikki (I can't remember what she was), a bumble bee, Wonder Woman, Shaggy, and in front, a tennis player!  The guy who was House had the walk with the cane down almost perfectly.  I couldn't stop laughing when I saw him do it!  There was also a Thelma to the Shaggy, but she wasn't in the picture.  

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Quest For Love


Every girl should read this book.  Apart from the Bible I think that this book has changed my life more than any other book I've ever read.  Elisabeth Elliot not only gives sound counsel but uses examples from the countless letters she has received focusing in on couples who have waited on God's timing and those who have tried to go their own way.  She encourages men to be men, to not say "I love you" unless they are ready to marry you, to be the initiator, and she urges women to be but gentle and quiet spirits who wait on the Lord.  In a time where we are told to flirt, that it's ok to be the one to call, that sharing a bed before marriage is not only ok but perfectly natural it is incredibly refreshing to read her wise words.  God has given me a great deal of peace about relationships through this book and the scripture Elliot uses and I pray that He will create in me the most gentle and quiet spirit who will either one day be a supportive and submissive wife or a soul set apart to serve the kingdom unmarried.  I encourage everyone, men and women, to read this and be encouraged, inspired and I'm very excited to go through it with the Jr. High girls!

Insomnia Update

God is good, even when I don't get any sleep, but I feel so blessed this morning after crashing at midnight last night and sleeping until my alarm went off.  I pray that I praise God whatever sleep I get or don't get and that I continue to learn the lesson of trust.  I am thankful that He's put me in this situation where I don't have parents or roommates to rely on and I have to cling to Him.  It's very difficult sometimes, but if insomnia is my biggest struggle then I think God's being pretty easy on me.  I look back on Paul's struggles and kind of feel like a wimp!  He was beaten, ship wrecked, thrown in jail, and insulted and through all of this God used him in a mighty way to advance His kingdom.  I can only pray that God will use me in such a way, even if that means that I have to face more sever trials in order to do so.  

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements.  Lord willing the ability to sleep will continue, but if not pray that I will praise Him just the same.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

More Insomnia

Can't sleep.  Really need your prayers.  I'm pretty exhausted.  I know God is teaching me something, maybe to rely on Him alone, but I am so tired... I know I don't deserve what could only be considered grace by being allowed to sleep soundly, my mind at peace, but I need it so desperately.  I really need sleep.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mark That One off the List

It's official, I finally finished The Count of Monte Cristo.  Loved it, but I'm glad to be finished.  I thoroughly plan on waiting until January to start Les Miserables, I need a break.  In the near future I plan to write my thoughts on it, but for now I leave with this:  I finished!  Yay!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

A Study of Psalm 23 - As written at 3:30 A.M. Friday 2, 2009

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want"
  • A shepherd cares for His sheep, protecting them from danger and providing for them.  Therefore, if the Lord is our shepherd, He will protect, care fore, and guide us.  He sufficient.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters,"
  • Our shepherd provides abundantly for us by leading us to good food (His word) and safe water (Himself).  What's more, we can rest in these provisions because He is faithful. 
"He restores my soul."
  • The purpose of all history is the cross.  Our souls are brought back to what they were supposed to be in the garden - a right relationship with the God of the universe. 
"He guides me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake."
  • The Lord leads us in His ways, bringing us into His righteousness in order that we may glorify His name.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
  • While we will go through difficult and potentially dangerous times two things we can be sure of: 1) it is only a shadow, we may suffer but it is only for a little while.  2) We should not fear because our shepherd is with us and He carries a rod and staff that are mighty to save and guide and discipline if necessary.
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies..."
  • He welcomes us as friends, promising protection.
"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
  • Though I may not always see it, for my view of things is so small and limited, God's goodness, His perfect goodness, and perfect love surround and follow me.  He will never leave nor forsake me though my own heart may grow faint, and in the end I will understand and praise His name.


Final note: this was written at three or four in the morning so forgive the weakness of the writing.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Passion and Purity

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."  Jim Elliott

Being single can be very lonely.  I listen to the serpent who lies in my ear telling me that God's holding back His blessings from me, that I'm single because there is something wrong with me, that being single is some kind of curse.  I get frightened being alone at night and forget that I am just as safe in my apartment than at my parents house because God is the one watching over me, His rod and His staff ready to defend and discipline if necessary.  I over analyze relationships, the things I say, how I react, and wonder if maybe I'm just not acceptable in the eyes of man.  I forget that the only One I need to please is my Father in heaven, and that He is the one sanctifying me, He is the one who created me, He is the one I have to answer to.  I find myself talking to the TV or just to myself.  Sometimes I even resent my friends for getting married and engaged.  Why not me?  What did I do wrong?  

My mom and dad just bought me a book by Elizabeth Elliott called Passion and Purity.  In it, Elliott writes about her relationship with Jim, their struggles, their prayers and decisions, in order to speak to us today not just to encourage us to be pure in our relationships, but more to teach us to bring our love lives under Christ's control.  She talks about wondering whether or not God had called her to be single, about meeting and falling in love with Jim, about his confession that they might never be able to get married due to his commitment to do mission work where single men were required.  Just the thought of falling in love with a man who loved me back but wasn't sure we would ever be able to get married scares me a little.  I know how the story ends of course, they eventually get married; Jim proposes to Elizabeth in Quito where they also get married, they have one daughter, and then Jim is killed by the very tribe he was ministering too.  Three years.  They were married three years.  If I were Elizabeth Elliott I can't imagine how I would have reacted.  I would love to say that after understandable mourning I would have praised God for the three years I had with Jim, I would love to say that I would have jumped at the opportunity to mission to the same tribe that murdered my husband, but I don't know.  God works powerfully but I know I would have struggled with anger, wondering why He took away someone I loved so much and waited for so long, someone who had been doing His work!  The story just baffles me.  Makes me cry.  It also encourages me.

One of my favorite songs in high school, the title of which now escapes me, had a chorus that went something like this: 'There's a bigger picture you can't see, you don't have to change the world just trust in me...'  Those words spoke to me then, reminding me of how small a perspective I have of this world.  I see all events as completely centered around me.  I see only what I imagine I am suffering.  I see only my little sphere forgetting that I am a spec in the grand scheme.  However, though I am a mere speck, God has called me to be His own and therefore I have a purpose.  Right now, that purpose calls me to be single and I need to be reminded that this is a blessing.  Paul urged his readers to remain single because the single man/woman can focus all of their thoughts on God and His work with no spouse or children to distract.  Not to say that falling in love and getting married and having kids isn't a blessing as well, but for right now that's not what God has given me.  I pray that I don't allow my longing to slay the appetite of my living!  I pray that I will not ache for things God has not willed to give me!  I pray that I will see this time of loneliness as an opportunity to serve God with all of me, all of my time, all of my resources.  I pray that I stop listening to Satan when he lies and tries to twist God's word around.  It's not an easy thing, but the life of a Christian isn't supposed to be.  Thankfully, there is rest at the end.  I'll pass from this world into the full realization of what it means to glorify God and rest in Him for eternity.  I'll see the whole picture, taste pure joy, and understand the fullness of His promises.  Oh that I might strive to live fully for the glory of God now as Jesus did.  That I would not waste my time longing, and start living.

"Wherever you are, be all there.  Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."  Jim Elliott

Friday, September 18, 2009

John Ferguson is My Hero Today

I steal lots of things from John's blog, hopefully he doesn't mind.

A Conversation about Heaven & Exclusivity
Bobby slammed his coffee cup on the counter a little bit harder than he intended to: “You see, this is what frustrates me about you Christians. You all think that only Christians will be in Heaven. What about other people, like Gandhi, Buddha, or any other number of good people?”

Greg was a little surprised a Bobby’s intensity. They had connected a couple times previously in the semester getting coffee before their Philosophy 301 class and had always enjoyed asking each other what they believed. Greg tilted his head a bit and suggested somewhat teasingly, “Well, Bobby, I’m glad that you at least believe in Heaven.”

“Now, I didn’t say that, I consider myself open to the idea. But…," and then he hesitated.

They both sat down and poured packets of sugar into their coffee. “But…if there were a heaven, Christians are wrong about it?” Greg offered.

“They are wrong about it if they think that only Christians will be there. That’s just too…too…?”

“Exclusive? You think Christians are too exclusive.”

“Exactly,” nodded Bobby. The two college juniors sat in the corner where the sun was shining through the blinds.

“Okay,” said Greg, pausing. “It sounds like you’ve spent some time thinking about this. Let me ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“What kinds of people will be there?”

Bobby didn’t hesitate. “All kinds of people will be there, young & old, rich & poor, Jews, Christians, Muslims & non-religious folks.”

“What about Atheists?”

Bobby looked up for a moment weighing the question. “Sure, I know many Atheists who are good people. There’s no reason they shouldn’t be there, even if they don’t believe in God now.”

Greg took an unusually slow slip on his coffee, gathering his thoughts. “So you believe that good people go to heaven?”

“Yes! And—I must say—that’s much more inclusive and open-minded than you Christians,” Bobby said with a smile and a bit of satisfaction.

“Okay, now I’m confused,” Greg said throwing open his free hand.

“What do you mean?”

Greg leaned forward in his sofa chair. “I thought you were worried about Christians being too exclusive, but your view takes the cake!”

“I’m not sure I’m following you,” Bobby said hesitatingly, not wanting to take the bait. “What do you mean?”

“Well, maybe you can clarify this for me. You say that all kinds of good people—Muslims, Jews, Christians, and even good Atheists—will be in heaven because they have been, well, good.”

“Yes…?” Bobby was wondering where Greg was going with this.

“That view is much more ‘exclusive’ than what Christians believe.” Greg threw himself back into his chair shaking his head.

“How so?”

“What about the bad people?” Greg said protesting. “I mean, people who’ve broken the big commandments: liars, cheaters, murderers, adulterers? According to your view, they have no hope of heaven.”

“Okay. What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that your standard requirement for getting into heaven is that people have to be ‘good,’ but that excludes a lot of people.”

“Hmmm…okay. You got me," Bobby answered, somewhat sarcastically.

“Bobby, I’m not trying to get you. I’m just trying to understand your view."

"But that doesn’t exonerate Christianity’s exclusivity.”

"Look, everyone is exclusive on this issue, unless you want to say that everyone goes to Heaven when they die. But not many people want to say that. I mean, do you believe that Hitler will be in Heaven? There has to be an accounting, somehow. There has to be some kind of judgment for those folks, don’t you agree?”

Bobby nodded his head in agreement setting his coffee on the table. “Yeah, I can’t see God throwing open ‘the golden gates’ for the likes of Hitler, Moa-Tse Tung, Lenin, & the like,” he said as he threw open his arms in a big welcoming gesture.

Greg leaned forward again. “But here is the deal. Christianity says that there is hope for everyone, even for the really bad people too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if we take seriously what the Bible says, everyone has sinned against God, and nobody is perfect, not even one. Yet God requires perfection.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then what hope is there for anyone?”

“Well, that’s just my point. Here’s the heart of the Christian message: God himself came to earth in the person of Jesus Christ. He lived the perfect life, which means he loved God and others perfectly. And he voluntarily gave up his life when he died on the cross for people like you and me.”

“Okay," said Bobby as he was looking up tracking the argument. "I think I’m following you.”

“Do you know what the Apostle Paul said that I find so encouraging?”

“No, what?” They both stopped and looked up at a group of co-eds who entered the coffee shop laughing hysterically.

Greg & Bobby looked back at each other and busted out laughing, shaking their heads. After a moment, Greg continued, “He said something along the lines of, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

“An Apostle of Jesus Christ said that he was the worst of sinners?” Bobby asked incredulously.

Greg nodded.

“Why would he say that?”

“Well, before he became a Christian, he was hunting down Christians and killing them. Speaking of his pre-Christian days, Paul said that he was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man.”

A light seemed to be going off in Bobby’s mind, “And Jesus somehow made the difference?”

“Exactly,” Greg said with a smile. “Paul went on to say that it was because of this very reason—that he was the worst of sinners—that he was shown mercy, so that the Lord Jesus might use him as an example of his patience towards those who would come to believe on him.”

Bobby leaned forward, “You mean to tell me that Paul was saying that his hope of heaven was not because he was good, but because he was bad.”

Greg chuckled reassuringly. “You're starting to get it. Paul wasn’t good, even though he excelled as a Pharisee—that is, a religious teacher,” he clarified. “In many ways, he had to abandon all hope in his goodness and throw himself at the mercy of Jesus.”

Greg paused to make sure Bobby understood. Bobby was nodding his head like it was all sinking in. “Go on,” he said.

That’s why I said earlier that a standard that says, ‘All good people get into heaven,’ is actually very exclusive, much more so than Christianity. Christianity says that even bad people have reason to hope for mercy if they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, who died for only bad people.”

“I think I’m getting what you are saying.”

“Let that sink in. I truly believe that Christianity is unique, because it doesn’t tell you to go out and make religious pilgrimages, or to pray a certain number of times per day in a certain direction, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or do x, y, & z. It tells you to abandon all hopes of impressing God with your goodness—because you can’t—and to believe in the Lord Jesus who actually saves people like us and people who are ‘worse’ than us and people who are ‘better’ than us.”

“Well Greg, this has been an interesting conversation. I have never seen things that way before.”

“I used to not, either. I’m glad we had this time to chat in between classes.”

The two rose and put on their backpacks.

“Me too. Maybe we can carry on this conversation later?”

“I’d love to. Because our hope is not really Heaven, but Heaven on earth.”

“Wow. We’ll definitely have to carry this conversation on later.”