Who Am I and Great are You: Reflections on the Horizon

Psalm 19:1
The heavens declare theglory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.


Did anyone see the sky this evening?  I just walked out to take the trash and I literally could not take my eyes off of it.  A mesmerizing array of grays and blues and pinks; a picture no artist could really capture.  I was struck, as I quite often am, at the thought that God is an artist, God is the artist.  He didn't just create the world with little thought, He fashioned it with pride and with care, with artistry and precision.  Do you ever think about that?  About how God is the creator of art and science and beauty and all that is good in this world?  


I really needed this sky today.  That may sound weird but I really did.  It was halting, so much so that I quite literally had to stop and stare.  All the stress of my crazy Monday sort of faded as I stood in awe of what God's hands have created.  It reminded me of a song one of my favorite groups sings called Who Am I.  The chorus has a line in it that says "Because I'll never hold a picture of the whole horizon in my view, because I'll never rip the night in two it makes me wonder, who am I and great are You."  
I had to spin to view all that was above me, and even then my view was obstructed and broken up.  It gave me the slightest taste of just how vast and big our God is.  It reminded me that even though I feel somewhat lost and confused right now that He is in control; He has a plan; He is good; and I can trust Him.  


Who am I and great are You.

When God Says "No": Reflection on God's Will

Mark 14:35-36

 35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 “Abba,[e] Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

God always answers prayer.  It’s just that sometimes the answer is “no”.  Very recently I got this answer and it was so not an easy thing to hear.  I can safely say that it broke my heart and I’ve spent the last few days struggling with the mentality that He’s somehow being unfair, that I’m being kicked while I’m down, that everyone else seems to be succeeding while I’m stuck in the marshes.  Add to these thoughts the horrible and depressing thought that I’m just not good enough and that I completely lack any worth whatsoever.

I’ve talked about Satan’s lies before, and these are the kind he most often tends to attack me with; probably because I have this bad habit of listening to them.  I forget to remind myself of the truth God has given me.  The truth that if an earthly father can love his kid enough to know how to give them good gifts then how much more will my perfect heavenly Father give me (Luke 11:13)?  I forget that He gave me the ultimate gift, the gift of His Son.

The verse above hits me deep during this time of disappointment.  It shows that Jesus knew what He was about to suffer, that it was going to be the worst pain imaginable (complete separation from the love of His Father), and it reminds me that God the Father said “no” to His Son.  The Father said “no” to Jesus.  I can’t really wrap my mind around this at all, it’s way to big for my pea, human brain, but that’s what happened.  Moreover, had God the Father answered “yes” and taken the cup from His Son we would have had to drink it ourselves.  It’s wildly humbling, baffling, tragic and yet a victory.

Now, I’m definitely not comparing myself to Christ by any stretch of the imagination, but mediating on the fact that God’s answers always lead to the best outcome is extremely helpful in these circumstances.  Yeah, it still hurts like crazy, and, as a friend said to me this weekend, it really sucks, but I can stand on the faithfulness of God.  One day it won’t suck.  One day I’ll be thanking God on my knees that He said “no” to me, but for now I will continue to pray for faith and direction.

God Chases Foolish Things: Reflection on Our Shepherd King

Chasing Song
Now and then these feet just take to wandering
Now and then I prop them up at home
Sometimes I think about the consequences
Sometimes I don't

Well, I realize that falling down ain't graceful
But I thank the Lord that falling's full of grace
Sometimes I take my eyes off Jesus
And you know that's all it takes

Well, I wish that I could say that at the close of every day
I was happy with the way that I'm behaving

'Cause Job, he chased an answer
The wise men chased the Child
Jacob chased her fourteen years
And he captured Rachel's smile
And Moses chased the Promised Land
Joseph chased a dream
David, he chased God's own heart
All I ever seem to chase is me

Well, they say a race can only have one winner
And you know you've got to pull out front to win
God knows the only time I'm winning
Is when I'm chasing Him

So, I wish that I could say that at the close of every day
I was happy with the way that I'm behaving

'Cause Samson chased a woman
And he chased the Phillistines
I'm not quite sure what Jonah chased
But I know he caught the sea
And Cain, he chased the harvest
While Abel chased the beasts
David, he chased God's own heart
All I ever seem to chase is me

And Jesus chased the money men
And He chased His Father's will
He chased my sin to Calvary
And He caught it on that hill
And Saul, he chased the Christians
'Til his blindness made him see
David, he chased God's own heart
All I ever seem to chase is me

Isaiah 53:6

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

My heart chases after many things; comfort, pleasure, approval…really anything that will make my life easier and more enjoyable.  I chase things that I believe will give me fulfillment and purpose, things I believe will somehow make me valuable and worthy.  I’m chasing the wind.  I rarely catch the things I chase and when I do I am, inevitably disappointed.  The pleasure is lacking, the comfort temporary, and the acceptance never quite enough.  There’s a reason scripture calls us sheep; we constantly wonder after foolish things. 

God chases after foolish things as well, He chases after us.  The amazing thing to me is that He is our Shepherd, but also became a sheep.  He walked with us as one of us.  He was tempted without sin, beaten without cause, tried without justice, and chased our sin all the way to Calvary. 

This song by Andrew Peterson is one of my favorites and has had me thinking all weekend about it.  The line that has been playing over and over in my head is in the last verse of the song: “And Jesus chased the money men, and He chased His Father’s will, He chased my sin to Calvary and He caught it on that hill.”  The image described is not only humbling but super convicting.  Jesus chased the money men… those who worshiped wealth and swindled their own people in order to stuff their pockets.  I think a lot of times we forget that He went after the wealthy along with the poor, we imagine Him as a sort of Robin Hood who steals from the rich to give to those in need, and forget that he came to show both their spiritual poverty and desperate need for Him.

This week, as Good Friday and Easter approach, let’s mediate on how Christ, our good shepherd, chased us and how He is calling us to chase others for His kingdom.  And may we be eternally thankful that He refused to give up on foolish things.

Beloved: Reflection on Remembering Who(se) I am

Deuteronomy 33:12

About Benjamin he said: “Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”

I am a recovering sin addict.  Though I was created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, sin entices me daily and I chase after it like a druggie begging for another hit.  The “good deeds” I do are marred by bad motives that reveal them to be the filthy rags scripture calls them.  Apart from Christ’s sacrifice I would be spiritually dead.  I am prideful, self-worshiping, distracted, lazy.

I am beloved.

So often I remind myself of my sin, wanting to combat pride, wanting to understand more fully the grace shown to me on the cross, and while this is good, it often makes me forget my true identity.  Genesis says that we were created in the image of God, Psalms says we were knit together in our mother’s womb, Ephesians says that we are “God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works”.  I, we, the Church, all need to balance the hard truth and the baffling one: we are more sinful than we could ever believe, but we are also more loved than we could ever imagine.  We are the beloved of God.

Hunger Games in Review: Twilight Part 2?

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/charmageddon_LexlErZlPi2iiSI5WH5QEP

Dystopia or just another emo teen drama? 

I’ve heard both ends of the spectrum and have been contemplating it myself a lot lately.  Is The Hunger Games a true satire of dystopia or is it just another stupid love triangle that feeds a young girls fantasy of being fought over?  There certainly is a bit of a love triangle woven through the pages of the novel and many young women have turned the two male characters into another version of Jacob and Edward in the Twilight series by forming “Team Gale” and “Team Peeta” groups, but in truth, the love story is rather peripheral in terms of purpose. 

As a reader myself, I was much more consumed with the greater elements of the story, such as the horror faced by the families and their children, the condemnation of entertainment at another’s expense, and the overindulgence of our own society mirrored in the attitude of The Capitol than I was with the love story.  And while this is most likely due to the fact that my major in college was English and I love writing and analyzing literature and art, this does not take away from the intention of the author.

The more I’ve thought about the book and movie and the questions surrounding the two, the more I realize that questioning the purpose of the book is really not a valid question at all.  The topic, the content, everything about the story lends itself to good discussion and consideration, and there is value in doing so.  Rather than questioning the books intentions as the writer of the article above does and honing in on the reason its audience (mainly Jr. High and High School aged girls) actually reads it, we as parents and mentors should really be encouraging discussion.

In the article from the NY Post, the author argues that the youth reading or watching The Hunger Games do not view the situation as horrific and rather see it as a grand adventure with the opportunity for fame and glory.  This is one of his main reasons for criticizing the story.  Maybe he’s right, maybe this is the way youth read the story, maybe they read and simply miss the point (for the record, most of the youth I’ve spoken with were fairly discerning about the content), but that can be true of just about any novel or work of art.  In my opinion, rather than bemoaning the fact that the point has been missed, as parents and mentors we should be encouraging discussion and challenging any shallow view the youth in our lives display. 

If our purpose on this earth is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, then His work of redeeming His creation is our work as well.  I’m not, of course, saying that everyone should read or go see The Hunger Games; it’s not for everyone and it’s definitely not for younger viewing audience, what I am saying is that we can and should use this as an opportunity for good conversation and discussion.  Let’s learn how to be good debaters and conversationalists, let’s strive to flee from the emotionally driven and illogical conversations that pepper the comment sections under articles on the internet.  Don’t follow the mob, take a beat and respond rather than react.

P.S. Especially in light of this post I welcome good discussion on my blog and really don’t just want to hear the sound of my own voice.  Don’t just comment if you agree, I want to hear if you disagree or see things from another perspective.  But keep it cool and appropriate or I will delete you. 

Lessons from a Vending Machine: Reflection on Church Discipline

Romans 6:1-3

¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?

At my office, out in the shop, we have a vending machine.  It carries Coke, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer, and a few off brand soft drinks that I can’t remember right off hand.  When I first started working at my company, I was pretty excited about this, especially since two in the afternoon is my greatest enemy and a Diet Coke would be just the thing to cure the slump.  I soon learned, however, that the machine has a glitch.  When I press the button for Diet Coke the absolute worst thing happens; I receive a Root Beer.  Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I abhor Root Beer.  I think it is the second most vile soft drink on the planet, coming in just a hair behind Pepsi, and during my afternoon slump this does not go over well. 

Now, no one called me “unfair” or a “killjoy” when I called the repairman to come out and try to fix it.  The machine was created for a purpose, for our use and enjoyment, and it’s not functioning properly.  In fact, most people would consider a call to the repairman a fairly logical act and if I did not do so, I would be thought of as somewhat stupid and or lazy. 

This incident (still in progress, by the way) reminds me of the Christian life.  Just as the glitch causes the machine not to fulfill its purpose properly, so our sin hinders us from fulfilling our purpose in life.  We were created to love God and enjoy Him forever, yet in the garden we made the decision to rebel against Him and stop functioning as we should.  I don’t need to point out the havoc this has caused; we all see it every day as our own attempt to live for ourselves backfires and hurts everyone around us; we see war and famine and murder.  The world has a glitch and while we try and blame it on society and politics and even on the rain I think deep down we know the truth.  Humanity screwed up and it needs a savior.

I’m not going to go major cheese ball and call Jesus the repair man, but He did come and He did suffer our punishment for us.  The thing is, He didn’t just save us that we might be free from sin in the future, He saved us that we might fight sin daily, that we might begin to live free from its reign!  This is another reason why He gave us the Church, and why He set up discipline within the church.  If we continue in sin, we are not living as those who have been freed of it.  Our church families, our close friends, love us by helping us fight sin.  It hurts sometimes when we’re confronted, it feels unfair, but the fact is, we so desperately need that accountability.  It would not only be completely illogical and stupid for our Churches to ignore our sin and do nothing about it, but rather it would be unloving and lazy on their part. 

This should obviously not be something done lightly or with any amount pride, but it should, in fact, be done.  I pray that God will give me the humility and strength to both hold and be held accountable, I pray that the church will seek His guidance in such difficult matters, and that slowly but surely we will all begin to function as ones who have been set free to live as we were created to.   

Little Things: Reflection on God's Sovereignty

^{Luke 12:24-25
24} Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁶Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?


I feel like I learn this lesson over and over again, and I will probably continue learning it until the day I die and become fully aware of its truth: God is sovereign, even over the little things.  I had an important phone call I was waiting for, one that gave me some stress and anxiety and drove me to my knees in prayer.  It was scheduled first for Tuesday evening and rescheduled due to the epic stomach bug/strep that has been taking the Houston area by storm, then it was rescheduled Wednesday due to the unexpected for Thursday evening.  During this time, I was, of course, being very careful to charge my phone just in case it decided to die before the call came, thus causing a rift in the time continuum (what?  I saw ZZ Top in concert last week and Back to the Future is on the brain).


Well, Thursday morning I get a text asking if I could reschedule to have the call a little earlier.  At lunch I got the call and not two hours later, my phone died.  It's a little thing really.  I have a work phone and so it might not have been the end of the world, but it certainly would have been one more thing to be stressed about.  God was taking care of me even in that tiny little thing.  It was just a silly little phone, one silly little time adjustment, yet His timing was perfect.  I can only see a little piece of it, that one hours span of time in which certain things had to fall in place, but it reminds me that His timing is always the best, and He takes care of me.


God takes care of the ravens, the lilies of the field, and He even condescends to take care of me.  How had He taken care of you in the little things?

Unclean: Reflections on the Outcasts

Mark 1:40-42

 ⁴⁰ A man with leprosy^[f] came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.”

 ⁴¹ Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” ⁴² Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

I’ve read this passage many times over the years, but it recently struck me just how shocking Jesus’ actions truly are.  Leprosy made a person “unclean”; they could not enter the temple; they were cut off from worship; if you touched someone with leprosy, you were considered unclean as well.  Jesus, God in human form, touched this unclean man.  He didn’t have to.  He could have simply said “Be clean” and not taken that extra step, but instead, He touched him.  That was earth shattering, unthinkable, amazing.  Holy God touching unholy, unclean man and making him right, making straight what had been made crooked.

The implications for us today can sometimes be difficult to consider.  We don’t have the worship regulations of the Old Testament because of what Christ did on the cross; He’s made us clean, right before God (Acts 10:15).  But I do think our society has people that, in a way, are considered “unclean”.  It’s probably a bit of a stretch, and maybe not what you would assume, but bear with me.  These that we consider unclean, these people we try and disassociate ourselves from at all costs, are the socially awkward, the weird, the rude, the unintelligent, the annoying…the bigots.  Think about it.  Or rather, let me think about it.  Upon my high horse of either self-righteousness (in the case of the bigots and the like) or fear of being seen as socially awkward myself (in the case of the social outcasts) I do everything I can to separate myself from them.  I might snicker at a dorky comment, divert my eyes when they speak with me, gossip about a wrong they’ve committed, but whatever I do, I *do not* touch them.  After all, I wouldn’t want to be associated with *those people*, right? 

It’s ugly, disgusting, but very true.  I treat others as if they are unclean because I don’t want to become “unclean” myself.  But Jesus touched the unclean, He reached into their lives to make them right, to make *me* right.  God is convicting me a lot lately about this sort of thing.  It really hurts, but so does digging out a splinter.  I’m thankful for the work He’s doing and I’m praying that it will make me merciful and gracious to those who don’t deserve it and who may never show me kindness (or get a social clue ;-P).  I myself don’t deserve grace, but it’s been given to me, and that in itself should spur me on toward love and good deeds.

Anti-Folly Workout: Reflection on Patience

Proverbs 14:29

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.

I made a mistake a long time ago; I asked God to teach me to be patient.  Well, let me clarify, I asked Him to give me patience.  What I didn’t quite realize was that this was a process, not a waving of a magic wand that suddenly makes me patient.  It means sitting in bumper to bumper traffic when I’m already late; it means the occasional slow internet; it means being stuck in a situation I don’t feel is “fair”; it means waiting on a desire to be fulfilled that I can’t believe with ever be…; it means realizing that I’m just a tad selfish…

Yeah, I know, I live a horribly deprived life (please hear the sarcasm coming in loud and clear).  The cool thing is that I’m learning that developing patience is kind of like working out a muscle; you can’t stick with the same resistance if you want to get stronger, you have to use heavier and heavier weight, and it hurts.  Right now I’m in a situation that’s really, really testing my patience, so much so that I’m somewhat physically antsy.  (Ok, so I’m totally physically antsy, but I’m trying to save myself a little dignity here)  I want so bad for God to hurry up and show me what’s going to happen, but I know the waiting is part of the process.  Without this part, without the building of my wimpy muscle of patience, I would be more prone to display folly…

At least now I’ll be able to hide it.

Seriously though, to all my readers, pray for my patience during this time.  Anyone else in a similar circumstance?  I’m more than happy to pray for you as well!

(Side note: Pretty beat after daylight savings time, love the sun in the evening, hate the lost hour…can I get an “amen”?)

Addiction: Reflections on Serving Worldly Masters

1 Corinthians 6:12

“Everything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial.  “Everything is permissible for me”-but I will not be mastered by anything.”

Are you an addict?  I am.  24 hours without coffee and I’m a grouch with a head that feels the size of New York.  Caffeine gets me up in the morning and keeps me going in the afternoon.  It is part of my morning routine and pity the fool who gets between me and what I crave.  I waste money on it, money I could be saving for good things like healthy food and rent.  I will dig between couch cushions for change in order to scrounge up 50 cents for the vending machine.  Caffeine is quite often my master, and really, it’s not the only thing.  My hormones, food, my desire for comfort… all these things cause me to step on others, grow irritable, become defensive…forget my true purpose in life: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  If the very thought of having to give up something makes me squirm, makes me want to defend myself and my desire for it, then I am addicted to it; I worship it; I honor it above the Lord.

“No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”  Matthew 6:24

What command of God makes you feel as if He’s just being stingy and unfair?  What do you cling to with all your might?  Is it something obvious like alcohol, nicotine, pornography, or money?  Or is it something a little more subtle; like caffeine, control, the approval of others, or even maybe social anxiety that so makes you want to separate yourself from someone that you belittle them?  We all have worldly masters, masters that want to enslave and destroy us along with our relationships with others.  Only one Master can make us free, and only He can break our chains.  Ok, cheesy metaphor, yes, but it’s also true.  Christ gave up His rights, did not demand what He deserved (true justice; vengeance), but rather broke our chains on the cross, declared us free in the record books, and by the power of His Holy Spirit we are enabled to fight the things that master us (John 16:7).

Examine your life.  What masters you?  Stop.  Don’t think about someone else’s addiction/master think about yours.  What “right” or even “freedom in Christ” do you cling to that might just be mastering you?  What do you need freedom from?

Broken: Reflection on Idols

Hosea 8:6

“This calf - a craftsman has made it; it is not God.  It will be broken in pieces, that calf of Samaria.” 

God is destroying my biggest idol, me.  Like Israel, I worship that which God created rather than God Himself.  It sounds horribly prideful, and you know what?  It is.  And the sad thing is it’s true.  For all my “insecurities” I claim to have gotten from elementary and adolescent hell, I ultimately see myself as a) the protagonist/hero of my own internal monologue and b) as pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread.  Oh sure, I know how to play at humility, I know the words to use to alter others opinions of me, but ultimately, I worship me and I want everyone else to do it to!  Even now as I write I struggle with mixed motives and pride.  Do I sound like a horrible person?  Can I let you in on a little secret?  You probably do it too, maybe not to the same horrific degree that I do, but self-worship is still there. 

It started in the garden, really.  Adam and Eve decided that they wanted to be God, that they knew better than He did, that they wanted to decide what was right and wrong rather than allow Him to do so.  And they passed their genetic sin down through the generations.  We’re all born with it and it’s not just a sickness, it’s death.  Each one of us is a stillborn zombie under the distinct and ridiculous illusion that we are, in fact, alive.  I know because I’m the worst.

But by God’s mercy this idol of myself is being broken to pieces.  Years ago I would have admitted to self-worship, but the older I get the more true I see this to be.  The shine from my image fades and rusts daily as God makes me more aware of my sin, my weakness.  I’ve said before that my weakness is a benefit, and I’ll say it again.  The more I realize just how hopeless I am on my own, the more God is glorified in my life and the more useful I become.  My frustration with habitual sin shows me that I can’t conquer it myself, that I need His intervention, and it humbles me when confronted with the sin of others. 

It hurts, but I’m praying that God will continue to smash the idol in my heart and kick me off the throne that rightfully belongs to Him.  How is He doing the same to you?

A Kind Word: Reflection on Encouragement

Proverbs 12:25

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

This world is crooked.  Sin has marred the beautiful creation God has made and while He is redeeming it, making it new, it is still full of thorns and brambles.  As humans we scar each other.  Even those of us who would generally be considered “nice” or “good people” act selfishly, lose our tempers…get grumpy.  The situations we are in weigh down our hearts and exhaust us, sometimes leading to depression and despair, and that doesn’t even take into account chemical imbalances that seek to sabotage our daily lives.  Life sometimes feels like one long work out that barely leaves time for the lactic acid to build up. 

How sweet, then, is a kind word?  Your entire day has been one huge mess.  Your boss asks you to do something that feels so out of your realm of talent and understanding that it leaves you with knotted stomach, aching brain, and clenched jaw; at least five people have yelled at you for whatever reason, most likely because they are frustrated with something or someone else and you just happened to be in the line of fire; someone cuts you off in traffic; you go home to an empty apartment with upstairs neighbors who seem to enjoy tap dancing and next door neighbors who have shouting matches around midnight. 

Then someone has a kind word for you.  It doesn’t suck away all the pain of the day; you’re still maybe a bit disgruntled, exhausted, but your view suddenly brightens, your spirits are uplifted, and things really don’t seem as impossible or gloomy as they did before.  Challenge today?  Offer a kind word, an encouragement, and remind someone they are not alone.

Praise and Cursing: Reflection on Language

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

James 3:9-12

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Growing up in a Christian home and in largely Christian circles, most of the “talk” that surrounded me was fairly “wholesome”.  People did not use profanity and even words like “butt” and “crap” were frowned upon.  On retreats I distinctly remember other students talking about how their experience from the weekend had lead them to try not to curse anymore and I know that I self-righteously judged those at my school who used foul language.  It wasn’t really until college that my pretty little world began to get really shaken.  I met Christians who did not adhere to the “rules”, who used words that offended and rattled me.  In one conversation with a friend on the subject, he noted an article by a Christian who was almost arguing in defense of profanity, which of course left me indignant.  How could “they” justify using such language?  How could “they” choose unwholesome talk?  What I didn’t realize was that it really wasn’t “those people” who were shaking up my thinking, but rather, it was God.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but all of a sudden my ears were opened.  The words I was using were thrown into the spotlight, their ugliness exposed and painfully vivid.  No, I wasn’t using words that strictly qualified as profanity, but neither was my language wholesome.  I started to see that my criticism of others was tantamount to cursing them, that my harsh tone was salt on wounds, that my loss of temper tore down rather than built up.  I was claiming to be a fresh stream yet spewing salt water.  The absence of crass jokes and “swear words” did not make my language pure and certainly did not justify me in God’s sight.  I did not meet the mark but fell far short of it (Romans 3:23).  Worse still, God made me realize that my black and white view of things had given me a false sense of self-righteousness and that I’d set myself up on a pedestal from which I looked down on others as if I had somehow not fallen short at all.

Don’t misunderstand; I’m not necessarily justifying obviously foul language, rather I’m challenging a thorough examination of all the language we use.  Do the tones and words we use tear down or build up?  Is God glorified in everything we say or are we glorified?  Do we use our own standards to judge others and proclaim our own “righteousness” or do we look to the cross and humbly realize that our only hope of righteousness is the unearned righteousness given to us by Christ?  I pray for conviction, I pray for mutual encouragement among the believers, I pray that Christ will be glorified in every word we use.    

Firm Foundation: Reflection on God's Character

“Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant.  For Your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary.  Give ear, our God, and hear; open Your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears Your Name.  We do not make requests of You because we are righteous, but because of Your great mercy.  Lord, listen!  Lord, forgive!  Lord, hear and act!  For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear Your Name.”  Daniel 9:17-19

God does what He does because of who He is.  Maybe that seems obvious, but I’m not sure any of us really understands it fully, or maybe it’s just that we don’t really believe it deep down.  This is evidenced by the way we live and think.  No, I don’t mean our trained responses in church or our Christian circles, us Church rats know the “right answers” and pretty words that make us sound smart and spiritual; I mean the core belief that informs our actions and habitual thought processes.  Let me give an example.

I know, as a fact, that the bible says God loved the world enough to send His son to die for sins so that we might be drawn near to Him.  I can quote John 3:16 and 1 Peter 3:18 to prove this.  I also know that when I “confess my sins He is faithful and just to forgive [me my] sins and purify [me] from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).  Yet, after I fall into sin (translation from Christianese: pretty much anything stupid) I am stuck with feelings of guilt and frustration long after I’ve confessed it.  Why?  Because even though I know the truth, I don’t always believe it, as is evidenced by my feelings.

As usual, I doubt I’m the only one who struggles with this. 

So what’s the problem?  Why can’t I make this head knowledge heart knowledge?  I think one of the reasons (and there are probably many more) is that another belief is getting in the way.  I think what I really believe is that God’s love for me is based on me!  And why not?  I’ve read in a thousand different fairy tales/romantic movies (etc.) about heroes falling for heroines because of “X”.  They see their lady and are enthralled; first by her beauty and later by her character.  It is because of her that they will slay dragons and face perils, it is because of her that they will risk life and limb, it is because of her that they might die in battle!  Rarely do we read about a hero who fights for a bitter, old hag.  If you can think of such a story let me know, because I sure can’t. 

These stories make sense to our human minds; for, after all, why would anyone fall in love and risk everything for someone ungrateful, someone unworthy?  But God is not human nor does He have a human mind.  God loves His creations because He is a loving, relational, and merciful creator and because He has stamped His image on us.  We’ve marred it, made it ugly, we are ungrateful, unthankful, unfaithful, and give the worship He deserves to other things.  Yet, He sacrifices Himself for us; redeems us; makes us beautiful. 

This is the truth I need to remember, the truth we all need to remember.  It needs to replace our messed up beliefs and work to change the way we live and think. We can’t do this on our own we need the Hold Spirit to invade and uproot the lies in our hearts and help us stand on the firm foundation that is God’s character rather than the weak one that is our own.

Under Authority: Reflections on Sovereignty

But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it."  Matthew 8:8-10

Matthew 8 describes two scenes in which Jesus performs miraculous healings.  The first is a leper, the second, a servant of a Roman centurion, a Gentile.  Both are radical, both reveal faith in the ability of the Christ to heal, and both express a willingness to accept His will in the matter.  What has always confused me, however, was the speech of the centurion in verses 8-10.  Certainly, it makes sense that he might feel unworthy in Jesus' presence, but why on earth does he begin to talk about authority?  In the past, it appeared to me as a sort of random rant that had nothing to do with anything.  Rabbit trail maybe?  In scripture?  Probably not.

To add to my confusion, just after this little speech, scripture says that Jesus marveled at his words and claimed to have never witnessed such faith in anyone in Israel.  Maybe he was just ignoring the rabbit trail.  Again, not a likely conclusion.  Tonight, however, I began to understand why the centurion begins to speak of authority.  He was not simply going on about his responsibilities or bragging about his power, rather, he was acknowledging Christ's authority over physical ailments.  He likened his own ability to command soldiers to Jesus' ability to command sickness or pain to do His will.  He understood that this man had authority over our very flesh, and this was why Jesus points out his great faith.  If the servant was not healed, it wasn't because the Son of Man did not have the authority to do so, it would have been because He did not will to do so.

What a hard and awesome concept to wrestle with.  We pray for healing, we pray for miracles, we pray for our way and when it doesn't happen our faith is often shaken.  But what if, along with the centurion, we believed deep within ourselves that our good God has the authority to heal, but may simply choose not to on the basis of a wisdom we can't possibly understand?  We might just live our lives differently.  We might realize that our way may not (is probably not) the best way.  We might even find peace amidst physical suffering, knowing that God is good and sovereign and will not with hold His best from us.

How terrifying it would be to worship a god who did not have this authority?  He could be sweet and all that, but completely powerless, sitting by and watching just as helplessly as one of us.  Do we really want to worship a god like that?  The fact is that He does have authority over all things, that He is good, and that His will will be done.  

Thanksgiving Countdown: Reflections on Thankfulness

Ever plan to do one of those challenges, then forget to start on the right day?  That's pretty much what I did, but rather than give up, I'm going to play catch up!  The goal?  Thirty days of things I'm thankful for.  Go has been teaching me A LOT about attitude among less than desirable circumstances, and as meditating on what you're thankful for typically helps in having a joyful attitude, I decided to take a little challenge... too bad I missed the first four days of the month.  Doh!

Thankfully (see how I did that there), I remembered today.  So here it comes in warp speed, my first four days of thankfulness wrapped up in one post:

1. Tuesday, November 1, 2011:  Tuesday night bible study.  I love my local church in Katy, but as there are very few people there my age (and none that aren't married) it's sometimes nice to hang out with some single people.  The studies and discussions are always good, and the fellowship is always refreshing.
2. Wednesday, November 2, 2011: Lunch with my mommy.  Since I moved back to the states from Peru, my mom and I try and have lunch at least once a week.  I love that time with her and hope we can continue doing it for a long time.
3. Thursday, November 3, 2011:  Vietnamese Noodle Houses.  Kind of a silly one, but these have become my new obsession.  I visited one for the first time on our mission trip into Houston this summer and was hooked. 
4. And today, Friday, November 4:  My job.  Not my dream job by any means, but an amazing provision from the Lord after over a year of hunting.  God has taught me so much already, and I am so thankful that this job has allowed me to continue working with the girls at my local church.

So what about you?  Anything you're specifically thankful for today? 

MIA: Reflections on Lessons at Work

Whew!  Have things ever been crazy.  Since starting this job and trying to continue meeting with the girls on the weekends I feel like I have no time.  It makes me appreciate the moments I do have to myself, and long for just a little bit of solitude.  But God has been teaching me a lot and I am so thankful to have income, even though I don't particularly enjoy my work.  He's reminding me that His greatest desire for me is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, and that some times you have to experience difficult or uncomfortable things in order for that to happen.  This job often makes me uncomfortable, sometimes it's even made me cry (I'm a bit of a marshmallow), but I'm starting to look at it like a workout: if it's not hard you're not going to see any change.

I'm also learning a lot about my attitude.  This lesson is two fold really.  The first part came with the realization that joy and even happiness are entirely based on attitude.  Romans 12:2 talks about how we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that if we do so we will be able to test and approve of God's will.  I doubt I could do a great job of really fleshing this verse out, but what it's taught me lately is that I need to allow God to renew and change my mind that I might view the world through His eyes.  When He does this, by teaching me about Who He is and what His purpose is, I will begin to understand that His plan is a) for His glory, b) for my good (read, being conformed to the likeness of His Son), and c) much bigger than my little story.  When I begin to understand this, how can I possibly be anything but joyful?  A hard circumstance comes along and rather than moan and complain I can thank God because I know He is good and sovereign and that there is purpose in it.  Of course, I don't always remember this and find myself grumbling and complaining way more often than I should, but when I do I find my emotions set above my circumstances, I find myself joyful.

The second part of this lesson in attitude has come with the realization that I love to believe myself the victim.  It's always someone else's fault, people are always against me, and I am always in the right.  Sound ego-centric and insane?  Of course it is, but then our thoughts, or at least mine are very subtle, they trick me into believing that they are true when they are really absurd!  For example, I make a mistake at work and I'm chewed out for it.  My automatic response is to make excuses and grumble about the unfairness of the reaction dumped on me.  "I'm still new"... "I wasn't really trained that well"... "He/she's just a bitter jerk".  See that?  Rather than taking responsibility for my mistake I make myself a victim and the other person a criminal.  Rather than using the situation to improve, I use it to throw a pity party.  The worst part of this is that I murder the one who reacted to my mistake by turning them into the antagonist in my plot by ripping them to shreds in my mind.  Even if the way they handled the situation was unfair, my response is equally so!  Did they yell at me?  Were they sarcastic?  Were they unfair?  So what!?  How many excuses did I just make for myself when I screwed up?  How can I not offer them the same leeway I offer myself?  I am now the one being unfair and unjust.

Don't read this wrong.  The idea could certainly be misunderstood and misused very easily.  I'm not learning that I should excuse sin or that I should never be bothered when someone does me wrong, nor am I saying that I'm right in excusing my mistakes or sins in the first place.  Rather, I'm learning that I need to show a little mercy on others by seeing my own sinfulness more clearly.  I need to stop seeing myself as a victim pitted against this other person and start seeing myself as this persons fellow criminal.  I know I'm not explaining this well.  After reading anything by C.S. Lewis (lately I've been trying to finish The Weight of Glory) I typically feel like my prose and logic are clumsy at best.  But let me try and end this post with an explanation of what I mean.  Like this other person, I rebelled against the God of creation, the One by Whom and for Whom all things were made.  Like this other person, whoever they are, I fall painfully short of the standard of God's perfection and deserve nothing but condemnation. And like this other person, I am in desperate need of grace.  Furthermore, because I have received grace by means of Christ's sacrifice on the cross, how dare I not offer grace to those I perceive as my enemies? That is a great sin indeed.

So though I struggle with being a receptionist, though I often find it uncomfortable and difficult to be in this particular circumstance, God is teaching me a LOT and I am incredibly thankful.  Pray that He will continue to conform me to the likeness of His Son and that rather than always play the victim, I will see my own sin in stark contrast to His perfection.

Driven to Prayer: Reflection on Hard Times

‎"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." Psalm 119:67 & 71


I couldn't bring myself to call what I'm going through suffering, the word almost seems presumptuous especially in light of what I consider real suffering, but I will say that I am not going through an easy time.  Why God has me where He does is a mystery to me and I often believe lies that I am somehow inadequate and that is why I am amidst these circumstances.  But I had a great conversation today with my pastor that truly uplifted my spirit.  God has been showing me lately that the most important thing in life is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son and to run to Him constantly.  What conforms us to the likeness of His Son and what makes us run to Him most?  Difficulty, tears, longing, sorrow... in comfort we often grow lazy, in good times we are prone to lose sight of Him, and in success we take the credit, but when things suck (sorry Mom and Dad), we are driven to our knees.  


Don't get me wrong, this realization, this lesson is not making me skip through the daisies and smile like some sort of deranged Easter Bunny (Yes, I'm very much looking forward to Christmas and Christmas Story), in fact I've had a pretty rotten attitude lately and I definitely cried to my mommy tonight, but there is that strange peaceful joy in my heart, a closeness to my savior that reassures me that He had the best in mind, that His suffering for me was far greater than mine ever could be, and that He will be right beside me all the way through.  Right now I'm amidst a tapestry; God sees the whole picture and all I can see are the threads.  One day I'll look back and rejoice on the mercy and grace I didn't see before, and for now I will remind myself of the grace and mercy of the cross.

Short Update: Reflections on God's Plan and Timing

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I did not get the job in North Carolina.  It makes me sad, discouraged, and frustrated, but I rejoice because I know that is clearly not where God wants me, and I know that He does have a plan for my life.  At the moment all I can see are the threads of the tapestry, the brush strokes of the painting.  Cheesy metaphors, but I rather like them.  This rejection is another part of God's conforming me to the likeness of His Son, of bringing glory to His name.  "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those He predestined, He also called, those He called, He also justified, those He justified, He also glorified."(Romans 8:28-30)  We often find comfort in that first verse, but forget to look on to the next two verses.  His plans for us are meant to conform us to the likeness of Christ, who justified us by the spilling of His blood, making us His coheirs.  Coheirs!  We are called coheirs of Christ, His brothers and sisters, God's children.  We by no means deserve this.  We rebelled against our great Creator who gave us paradise to live in, we rejected Him, despised Him, and then we nailed Him to a tree... yet he makes us His sons and daughters and promises to work our circumstances for good, not just good but best.  I will continue to remind myself of these things and hope in His promises.  One day I will look back and see how He has guided my steps, but for now I will hold tight to His truths and hope that these words might encourage someone else.

Red, White, and Blue! Reflection on Freedom

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."  Franklin

star spangled cupcake!  yum!

More importantly than a free nation, however, is a soul freed from the bondage of sin and given peace with its Creator.  The price was high; the wrath of God was poured out on His own Son as an atonement for our sin, so that we might be freed from sin and brought into a relationship with God.  Today, let's celebrate our freedom in Christ as well as a nation.  Take neither for granted.


"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1