"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." Psalm 119:67 & 71
I couldn't bring myself to call what I'm going through suffering, the word almost seems presumptuous especially in light of what I consider real suffering, but I will say that I am not going through an easy time. Why God has me where He does is a mystery to me and I often believe lies that I am somehow inadequate and that is why I am amidst these circumstances. But I had a great conversation today with my pastor that truly uplifted my spirit. God has been showing me lately that the most important thing in life is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son and to run to Him constantly. What conforms us to the likeness of His Son and what makes us run to Him most? Difficulty, tears, longing, sorrow... in comfort we often grow lazy, in good times we are prone to lose sight of Him, and in success we take the credit, but when things suck (sorry Mom and Dad), we are driven to our knees.
Don't get me wrong, this realization, this lesson is not making me skip through the daisies and smile like some sort of deranged Easter Bunny (Yes, I'm very much looking forward to Christmas and Christmas Story), in fact I've had a pretty rotten attitude lately and I definitely cried to my mommy tonight, but there is that strange peaceful joy in my heart, a closeness to my savior that reassures me that He had the best in mind, that His suffering for me was far greater than mine ever could be, and that He will be right beside me all the way through. Right now I'm amidst a tapestry; God sees the whole picture and all I can see are the threads. One day I'll look back and rejoice on the mercy and grace I didn't see before, and for now I will remind myself of the grace and mercy of the cross.