Sub Days

I am extremely pampered. I have had two sub days this week and they went wonderfully despite my massive anxiety about both. On the first day there was a student teacher who already knew classroom procedures and was a huge help. On the second day, today, there was a tutor working with the class who also was a wonderful help. Needless to say, my expectations were so wrong. The kids were all very sweet (if not a little chatty) and the first teacher mentioned having me back next week. What a huge blessing!

I realize that not all of my jobs will be like this. Surely there will be classes that I will want to strangle and bury under the basketball court, but thus far I am extremely thankful for the well behaved classes I've had, and pray that I'll be thankful for the classes of another kind. Tomorrow and Friday I am subbing for a band class. Thus far I've assumed that there won't be much teaching and that things will be fairly easy, but I'm trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. Thanks to every one for their prayers, I continue to covet them.

As for my teaching certificate, I have three content exams coming up and I ask for prayer for those as well. Thankfully, God is both good and sovereign and I will end up where He wants me to be, which will always be the best place.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Help My Unbelief

"17But they continued to sin against Him, rebelling in the desert against the Most High. 18They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved. 19They spoke against God, saying 'Can God spread a table in the desert? 20When He struck the rock, water gushed out, and streams flowed abundantly. But can He also give us food? Can He supply meat for His people?'" Psalm 78:17-20

For the last year or so I feel as if I've been living in sort of a desert period. God saw fit to take away a wonderful job and send me to live under my parents roof once more. Since that time I've searched for a job in youth ministry but was unable to find one. On top of that, the population of the church I volunteer for consists of married couples and youth. I have felt extremely lonely and have often despaired of finding a friend my age or ever finding a husband. Eventually, I decided to pursue teaching and I pray that this will not only open up job opportunities but also a new field of ministry. Yet anxiety grips me constantly. It was so bad one night last week that I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had since college. Worry about exams, substitute teaching, money, ever finding a permanent job, marriage, etc, etc, consumed me so that I was physically affected. It was the first time such an attack had happened so abruptly and violently. By God's grace I was able to calm down and get some sleep, but those thoughts continue to haunt me.

But as I was reading Psalms this morning, this passage all but shouted at me from the page. Each phase of Israel's unfaithful complaining reminded me of something in my own life. As Israel had despaired of finding water in the desert, I despaired of finding a good friend. Yet, just as God brought His beloved people water from a rock, He brought me a friend in one of the young married women of the church. And though I fear the day when she and her husband might leave to join the military, she is an example of God's mercy and faithfulness to me. So rather than say like Israel, "Well, you brought me a friend but I don't trust you to help me find a job or a husband in suburbia where everyone is already married" (verses 19-20) I should be reminding myself that He is not only good but sovereign, that if He was gracious enough to provide a friend for me He can provide all these other things that I need... and that His plans are what's best for me (Romans 8:28).

I guess the hard thing is realizing that what I want may not be God's best for me. That is way my new prayer is for God to help my unbelief. I know that He is good and can do all things, but I need help to believe just like the father of the sick boy (Mark 9:24). And that's one thing I am certain He will give me.

Who Was Your Favorite Teacher?

Around November 2011, after months of prayer and quite a bit of foolish worry, I made the decision to pursue my alternative certification in teaching. I had been encouraged to do so in the past, but I wanted to make sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. With the realization that God could impact our schools through me, that this could be another form of youth ministry and not just a tent making job, I began training with Texas Teachers. I've gone back and forth between excitement and nervousness, but typically the positive outweighs the negative. My prayers are that:

• If this is where God wants me, that I would find a job for August
• That God would use me when I do find that job
• That I would be able to continue my work at Cornerstone church

I will start substitute teaching here pretty soon to help pay for school and start saving money for an apartment (and to make myself known in the school district) and so I pray that will go well too. I've heard subbing is fairly hard as most students don't tend to treat subs all that well. Please cover me in your prayers. But as I approach this task and the actual task of teaching my own class, I have two questions to ask my readers (all two, haha). It might inform me to be a better teacher and it might just be a good laugh. But here it is:

• Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?
• (For the mother's out there) What would you expect/appreciate from the teacher of your children?

My favorite teacher in grade school was probably a toss up between my senior English teacher, who not only had mercy on my after getting my wisdom teeth out but bought me crackers and sprite during our final because I had a stomach bug and was also a constant beacon as a Christian in our school, and my Junior Spanish teacher who spent countless mornings trying to teach me the proper use of reflexive verbs and didn't take crap from anybody but always made Spanish very entertaining.

In College I LOVED my British History professor, who also had mercy on me amidst a bad stomach bug (I tend to get those a lot for some reason... ) that occurred right before our first exam, and knew soo much about his subject to make it often sound like a soap opera. All of these teachers and professors made their subjects come alive, had good control of their classes, and had mercy when they knew particular students were in desperate need of it. I want to be like that as a teacher, but more than that I want to be a lamp on a stand, to parents, students, teachers, and staff. Pray for me! And pray for all our teachers! They need it!