The main reason I write this post is to thank Janelle for her comment and the bible verse she left. "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8. Sometimes I forget that scripture is a weapon, that we can, and should, use it to go into battle against our sin and spiritual warfare. I tend to leave it in academia and the pursuit of knowing God better, and while it is most assuredly for these purposes it is also to be used in times of trouble and temptation. The fears that torment me at night, are part of spiritual warfare because of the lies they make me believe and just the exhaustion they create. They make me believe the lie that there is something outside of God's control, that in some way He can't protect me from whatever it is that I fear. They make me feel utterly alone and ashamed even though God is right there to protect me. They take my focus off of praising God and center it on me.
I need to remember that God alone makes me dwell in safety and that the things I fear have no power on their own. I give them power over me. Last night I fell asleep repeating Psalm 4:8 over and over again, trying to remind myself that God's the one in charge of the situation. I pray that the verses will grow in their power in my life and that my fears will weaken, though it may be something I struggle with for the rest of my life.