Last week we got back from Camp Barnabus, and I think it is safe to say that the week I spent there was the hardest week of my life thus far. I was paired with a camper rather than spending that time with the Jr. Highers we went with, and while I still question the wisdom in the camp director's decision to do this, I will say that God really taught me a lot. He humbled me. This is something I wrote one night before bed while I was there.
"I am so very much like Evin in my relationship with God. There are times when I ask Him a thousand questions that I've asked Him countless times before, where I love Him and praise Him and thank Him, and ask Him for helps, and then there are times when I yell at him and shove Him away, tell him to "Leave me alone!" I was frustrated with Evin for yelling at me and telling me to go away, I still get frustrated when she tells me those things and physically brushes me off, but she is most certainly serving to remind me of the way I treat God. Constantly, He is helping me and leading me, and loving on me, and though sometimes I thank Him, more often than not I shove Him away out of stubbornness and arrogance. Though I am tired and would honestly rather be hanging and connecting with the CEPC girls, I am thankful for this time with Evin, and I know that God brought me here for a reason.
Lord, continue to give me Your mercy, patience, love, and energy. Continue to use this time to mold me into the woman You need me to be to advance your kingdom. In Jesus name, amen."
I am learning that God teaches us through sin and its effects. How could we know what God's mercy was if it were not for sin? How could we know the depth of His grace were it not for sin? How could we know what true love was, were it not for sin? As much as I hate sin I am thankful for it, because I know God has had a plan since before time began, and I am thankful for a good and sovereign God.