When I am at my lowest, God is with me. I may feel as if I am completely alone, utterly abandoned, and yet He never leaves me. Even when I am faithless, God is faithful. He is my strength when I am weak, my joy when I am desperate, my peace when I'm afraid. Why does my heart not understand this? I know it to be true and yet I cannot seem to rely on it as I should. The journey is a long one. God doesn't just wave a wand over our lives and poof everything is as it should be. Rather, He allows us to participate in our sanctification. It hurts. Frankly, it sometimes stinks. I don't always believe that He will work all things for my good and His glory though I know it to be true. Daily I must be reminded. Daily I have to pray. Oh that I would say with Paul that I will "boast all the ore gladly about my weakness" that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I might be able to one day, though I'm not sure if it will be in this world or the next. For now I fall at the foot of the cross, crying out that my strength is not sufficient. Maybe that's where I always need to be.