Hesitant Update

^"13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil."  James 4: 13-16


I always shy away from talking too much about my job search on Facebook and my blog mostly because it's been over a year since I've been looking for one.  Add to that the verse above and the fact that if I find a job I will in many ways be abandoning the ministry I am currently volunteering at and I become all the more hesitant.  Moreover, when you have been turned down for at least five jobs you start to grow a bit fearful, especially when it comes to ministry.  I start to worry that maybe I misunderstood what God is calling me to do, that I'm being too picky, too specific, too bullheaded, not willing to try something different.  I also struggle with the fear that the reason my last job ended was because of something I did wrong, that I stink at what I love to do.  I've lost night's of sleep spent in worry (and in prayer) over all of these things, including the fear that I will disappoint someone no matter what I do.


And so I find myself hesitantly excited about my job interview tomorrow.  I had all but given up my search for youth ministry positions when Richard Harris, the Young Adults Pastor at Christ EPC, found one that I had missed.  A PCA church in Matthews, North Carolina, a place I'd never heard of, is hiring a full time Middle School Girls Youth Director ASAP.  ASAP.  As in July.  Unlike the other times I've applied for various youth positions I applied for this one with very little hope.  When I got an e-mail back with the application I struggled through the answers, feeling like I was hitting a wall, like I was brain dead, and I ended up sending it in feeling even more dismal than before.


But God never ceases to surprise me.  Two weeks ago I get a call from the Youth Pastor and have a little mini interview, then yesterday he calls again to set up a Skype interview with the staff.  I'm excited... but still hesitant.  A church in Mississippi flew me down for an interview a few months ago only to turn me down later, and the prospect of such a large church is a little overwhelming, but I know that even if I don't get the job it's all part of God's good and sovereign plan.  It's been painful.  It's been exhausting.  But God has shown me so much about Himself and I am learning to trust Him while I wait.


So please pray for me as I prepare to interview tomorrow.  Pray that I would have wisdom, a clear mind, and that I would rejoice no matter the outcome.