MIA: Reflections on Lessons at Work

Whew!  Have things ever been crazy.  Since starting this job and trying to continue meeting with the girls on the weekends I feel like I have no time.  It makes me appreciate the moments I do have to myself, and long for just a little bit of solitude.  But God has been teaching me a lot and I am so thankful to have income, even though I don't particularly enjoy my work.  He's reminding me that His greatest desire for me is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, and that some times you have to experience difficult or uncomfortable things in order for that to happen.  This job often makes me uncomfortable, sometimes it's even made me cry (I'm a bit of a marshmallow), but I'm starting to look at it like a workout: if it's not hard you're not going to see any change.

I'm also learning a lot about my attitude.  This lesson is two fold really.  The first part came with the realization that joy and even happiness are entirely based on attitude.  Romans 12:2 talks about how we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that if we do so we will be able to test and approve of God's will.  I doubt I could do a great job of really fleshing this verse out, but what it's taught me lately is that I need to allow God to renew and change my mind that I might view the world through His eyes.  When He does this, by teaching me about Who He is and what His purpose is, I will begin to understand that His plan is a) for His glory, b) for my good (read, being conformed to the likeness of His Son), and c) much bigger than my little story.  When I begin to understand this, how can I possibly be anything but joyful?  A hard circumstance comes along and rather than moan and complain I can thank God because I know He is good and sovereign and that there is purpose in it.  Of course, I don't always remember this and find myself grumbling and complaining way more often than I should, but when I do I find my emotions set above my circumstances, I find myself joyful.

The second part of this lesson in attitude has come with the realization that I love to believe myself the victim.  It's always someone else's fault, people are always against me, and I am always in the right.  Sound ego-centric and insane?  Of course it is, but then our thoughts, or at least mine are very subtle, they trick me into believing that they are true when they are really absurd!  For example, I make a mistake at work and I'm chewed out for it.  My automatic response is to make excuses and grumble about the unfairness of the reaction dumped on me.  "I'm still new"... "I wasn't really trained that well"... "He/she's just a bitter jerk".  See that?  Rather than taking responsibility for my mistake I make myself a victim and the other person a criminal.  Rather than using the situation to improve, I use it to throw a pity party.  The worst part of this is that I murder the one who reacted to my mistake by turning them into the antagonist in my plot by ripping them to shreds in my mind.  Even if the way they handled the situation was unfair, my response is equally so!  Did they yell at me?  Were they sarcastic?  Were they unfair?  So what!?  How many excuses did I just make for myself when I screwed up?  How can I not offer them the same leeway I offer myself?  I am now the one being unfair and unjust.

Don't read this wrong.  The idea could certainly be misunderstood and misused very easily.  I'm not learning that I should excuse sin or that I should never be bothered when someone does me wrong, nor am I saying that I'm right in excusing my mistakes or sins in the first place.  Rather, I'm learning that I need to show a little mercy on others by seeing my own sinfulness more clearly.  I need to stop seeing myself as a victim pitted against this other person and start seeing myself as this persons fellow criminal.  I know I'm not explaining this well.  After reading anything by C.S. Lewis (lately I've been trying to finish The Weight of Glory) I typically feel like my prose and logic are clumsy at best.  But let me try and end this post with an explanation of what I mean.  Like this other person, I rebelled against the God of creation, the One by Whom and for Whom all things were made.  Like this other person, whoever they are, I fall painfully short of the standard of God's perfection and deserve nothing but condemnation. And like this other person, I am in desperate need of grace.  Furthermore, because I have received grace by means of Christ's sacrifice on the cross, how dare I not offer grace to those I perceive as my enemies? That is a great sin indeed.

So though I struggle with being a receptionist, though I often find it uncomfortable and difficult to be in this particular circumstance, God is teaching me a LOT and I am incredibly thankful.  Pray that He will continue to conform me to the likeness of His Son and that rather than always play the victim, I will see my own sin in stark contrast to His perfection.

New Breakfast

I have never been a big fan of breakfast.  Breakfast food in general has never been my favorite thing to eat in the world, and I've always looked more forward to lunch or dinner far more than my first meal of the day.  Add to it the fact that I've always tried to find something healthy that will keep me full for much longer than an hour and I never really wanted to put much effort into it.  In college I often resorted to a diet coke and peanut butter crackers or an Ottis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chocolate Chip muffin... hardly healthy or long lasting (though tasty).  Recently, however, my attitude toward breakfast has changed, mostly due to my discovery of turkey bacon, goat cheese, and cocoanut milk (excellent in coffee), and I'm always looking for new recipes.  This weekend, I was told about a delicious recipe a friend of mine had eaten at a farmers market in Houston.  Tried it this morning and fell in love.

Recipe:

1/4 cup of Quinoa
Handful of spinach, chopped
Sauteed veggies (I used green peppers and purple onions though I think red peppers would have been better, and you can, of course, use any kind you want)
1 poached egg
Goat cheese (I just sprinkled it on without measuring)

Anybody else have interesting breakfast recipes?

Driven to Prayer: Reflection on Hard Times

‎"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." Psalm 119:67 & 71


I couldn't bring myself to call what I'm going through suffering, the word almost seems presumptuous especially in light of what I consider real suffering, but I will say that I am not going through an easy time.  Why God has me where He does is a mystery to me and I often believe lies that I am somehow inadequate and that is why I am amidst these circumstances.  But I had a great conversation today with my pastor that truly uplifted my spirit.  God has been showing me lately that the most important thing in life is to be conformed to the likeness of His Son and to run to Him constantly.  What conforms us to the likeness of His Son and what makes us run to Him most?  Difficulty, tears, longing, sorrow... in comfort we often grow lazy, in good times we are prone to lose sight of Him, and in success we take the credit, but when things suck (sorry Mom and Dad), we are driven to our knees.  


Don't get me wrong, this realization, this lesson is not making me skip through the daisies and smile like some sort of deranged Easter Bunny (Yes, I'm very much looking forward to Christmas and Christmas Story), in fact I've had a pretty rotten attitude lately and I definitely cried to my mommy tonight, but there is that strange peaceful joy in my heart, a closeness to my savior that reassures me that He had the best in mind, that His suffering for me was far greater than mine ever could be, and that He will be right beside me all the way through.  Right now I'm amidst a tapestry; God sees the whole picture and all I can see are the threads.  One day I'll look back and rejoice on the mercy and grace I didn't see before, and for now I will remind myself of the grace and mercy of the cross.

Daily Logic Lesson: Reflections on Fallacies

I've noticed lately that when people argue, especially on social media such as Facebook or comment seconds under news articles, they generally use horrific logic and emotionalism to try and get their point across.  This usually leads to pathetic name calling and no decent discussion gets done.  I've noticed this verbally as well, if any discussion happens at all, and so I decided to begin daily logic lessons.  I find logical fallacies interesting and unfortunately we are so undereducated in the art of discussion and argument that pretty much all of us use them.  So today, I looked up the Straw Man Argument.

"A straw man is a component of an argument and is an informal fallacy based on misrepresentation of an opponent's position.  To 'attack a straw man' is to create the illusion of having refuted a proposition by replacing it with a superficially similar yet unequivalent proposition (the 'straw man'), and refuting it, without ever having actually refuted the original position."

It would benefit our society to be better at supporting our opinions, especially as Christians.  Christ warned His disciples to be shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16), and I think that learning to argue well is probably part of this.  So the next time you find yourself in a discussion with anyone really, step back, keep your emotions in check, and avoid using this fallacy.

Short Update: Reflections on God's Plan and Timing

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I did not get the job in North Carolina.  It makes me sad, discouraged, and frustrated, but I rejoice because I know that is clearly not where God wants me, and I know that He does have a plan for my life.  At the moment all I can see are the threads of the tapestry, the brush strokes of the painting.  Cheesy metaphors, but I rather like them.  This rejection is another part of God's conforming me to the likeness of His Son, of bringing glory to His name.  "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those He predestined, He also called, those He called, He also justified, those He justified, He also glorified."(Romans 8:28-30)  We often find comfort in that first verse, but forget to look on to the next two verses.  His plans for us are meant to conform us to the likeness of Christ, who justified us by the spilling of His blood, making us His coheirs.  Coheirs!  We are called coheirs of Christ, His brothers and sisters, God's children.  We by no means deserve this.  We rebelled against our great Creator who gave us paradise to live in, we rejected Him, despised Him, and then we nailed Him to a tree... yet he makes us His sons and daughters and promises to work our circumstances for good, not just good but best.  I will continue to remind myself of these things and hope in His promises.  One day I will look back and see how He has guided my steps, but for now I will hold tight to His truths and hope that these words might encourage someone else.

A Post for My Vegetarian Pals

Looks kind of gross, but is delicious!

Sometimes, it's cheaper to be a vegetarian.  Occasionally, I will go meatless simply to save a few bucks and to give my colon a break and it's in these times that I get creative.  Last night I was trying to come up with a healthy dinner to eat that didn't require too many ingredients and involved black beans.  It was then that I came across black bean burgers.  I had to search for a simple recipe for a while but eventually stumbled across this one:


Ingredients:

• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 can black beans, well drained
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 slices bread, crumbled
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp seasoned salt
• salt and pepper to taste
• oil for frying

Preparation:

Sautee the onions till soft, about 3-5 minutes.  

In a large bowl, mash the beans until almost smooth.  Add sauteed onions and the rest of the ingredients, except the oil, adding the flour a few tablespoons at a time to combine well.  Form bean mixture into patties and fry patties in a small amount of oil until slightly firm.

Because I love guacamole, I topped it with that and made kale chips, which are so simple it's amazing.  

Kale chips:

Ingredients:

1 bunch of kale

1 tablespoon of olive oil

Salt!

Directions:

1. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees.  Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (I skipped the parchment paper).
2. Pull off leaves from the thick stems in bite sized pieces and drizzle with oil and sprinkle with salt.
3. Back until brown or about 10-15 minutes.  It only took mine about nine because I didn't use the whole head.

I thought they were going to be soggy at first but on my first bite I knew I was wrong.  Crunchy and light and delicious!  Certainly not the same as regular chips but still very good!

Red, White, and Blue! Reflection on Freedom

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."  Franklin

star spangled cupcake!  yum!

More importantly than a free nation, however, is a soul freed from the bondage of sin and given peace with its Creator.  The price was high; the wrath of God was poured out on His own Son as an atonement for our sin, so that we might be freed from sin and brought into a relationship with God.  Today, let's celebrate our freedom in Christ as well as a nation.  Take neither for granted.


"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1

Cooking Escapades! Patriotic Style

One of the best ways to bond with others, in my humble opinion, is to cook with them.  Today, one of my Jr. High girls and I made fruit pizza together.  Here are pictures and the recipe:

Step 1: Mix 1 cup of sugar, 8oz of cream cheese, and a tub of  Cool Whip.

Step 1B: Enjoy yourself while sugar cookie cooks whilst sharing embarrassing moments.

Step 2: After cookie has cooled dump frosting on top... then spread.

Step 3: Decorate with fruit.

Step 4: Enjoy!

Book List

Book list as of June 2011:

When I first began Les Miserables, I was a bit overwhelmed.  1194 pages long, tons of French history, and the first 54 pages or so gave great detail to the priest.  Yikes.  But when I began reading it again today I finally met Jean Valjean and the story began to pick up.  Maybe after I finish this one I can try and tackle War and Peace... but we'll have to see.

As always, Lewis is a wonderful, if not challenging, read.  He addresses things in such a way that I never would have thought to, and explains things so well.  I am having to read it a little at a time, but I look forward to discovering what he has to say.

Nero Wolfe is my literary junk food, but it's not actually junk food.  The mysteries are fairly easy reads but the writing really is very good and he always keeps me guessing and laughing.  I read this to give my brain a break from Les Miserables and Weight of Glory.  I highly recommend Nero Wolfe to anyone who likes a good mystery.

Another Shameless Plug

Kiki over at I Still Hate Pickles is one of the best bloggers out there.  A bold statement, but then her posts are informative, insightful, and often hilarious... and she's my friend.  Right now she has a goal of reaching 200 followers so here is my shameless plug of the week: go check out her blog!  Really, you should follow her.  Her kiddos always give you a good laugh (as well as her daily disasters), her coupon advice brilliant, her recipes divine, and she's an excellent photographer and artist.  So go follow her!  You won't regret it.

Shameless plug ended.

New Shoes

My new favorite shoes.

When most girls begin gabbing about new shoes, they are typically referring to super cute heels with some sort of amazing bedazzle that they either got on sale or for some price they refuse to divulge, when I talk about new shoes, I normally mean one of two things: a) something under $12 from Target, b) awesome new running shoes whose price I do not care to divulge.  Today, I'm gushing about the latter.

When I first heard about "barefoot running" I was torn between skepticism and excitement.  For most of my life I have preferred to tramp around barefoot and if it was socially acceptable (and safe) I would probably never wear shoes again, but I had been so trained into believing that I needed tennis shoes to run that I wasn't immediately sold on the idea.  I had played Ultimate Frisbee barefoot for a long time and love it, but that was on the grass, grass I knew to be at least somewhat safe.  Then, I had two guys tell me that "the rumors were true", that ever since they began running either barefoot or in the Vibram Five Finger shoes they had been injury free.  Finally, I decided to take the plunge myself.

I'd been having trouble with my left knee for a while, so much so that I'd given up on the idea of ever running anything more than a 10K, but when I began training in my Vibrams the knee pain slowly but surely went away.  Where as I used to wake up in the middle of the night with an aching knee, now I could run without any of that horrible, pounding pressure under my knee cap.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not tried it, but I'm totally sold on the shoes.  They protect the bottoms of my feet and help me run more on the balls of my feet.  I don't really care how ridiculous they look, if they will help me avoid pain, I'm sold.  Anyone else tried these?  Got another brand you prefer?  I hear they also get rid of shin splints and pretty much change your running form entirely.

Early Post of the Week: Reflections on Singleness

"Singleness is never carte blanche for selfishness.  A spouse is not a sufficient countermeasure for self.  The gospel is the only antidote for egocentricity.  Christ did not come simply to save us from our sings, He came to save us from our selves.  And He most often rescues us from us through relationships, all kings of relationships."  Paige Benton

Unintentionally Funny Signs

Get vaccinated against singles!

It's not so much that the sign is unintentionally funny as it is the fact that I misread it.  On first look, more than once mind you, I read "Protect Against Singles".  For about a nanosecond I was very offended.  Haha!  Anyone else misread a sign that made you laugh?  And or get offended?

Hesitant Update

^"13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil."  James 4: 13-16


I always shy away from talking too much about my job search on Facebook and my blog mostly because it's been over a year since I've been looking for one.  Add to that the verse above and the fact that if I find a job I will in many ways be abandoning the ministry I am currently volunteering at and I become all the more hesitant.  Moreover, when you have been turned down for at least five jobs you start to grow a bit fearful, especially when it comes to ministry.  I start to worry that maybe I misunderstood what God is calling me to do, that I'm being too picky, too specific, too bullheaded, not willing to try something different.  I also struggle with the fear that the reason my last job ended was because of something I did wrong, that I stink at what I love to do.  I've lost night's of sleep spent in worry (and in prayer) over all of these things, including the fear that I will disappoint someone no matter what I do.


And so I find myself hesitantly excited about my job interview tomorrow.  I had all but given up my search for youth ministry positions when Richard Harris, the Young Adults Pastor at Christ EPC, found one that I had missed.  A PCA church in Matthews, North Carolina, a place I'd never heard of, is hiring a full time Middle School Girls Youth Director ASAP.  ASAP.  As in July.  Unlike the other times I've applied for various youth positions I applied for this one with very little hope.  When I got an e-mail back with the application I struggled through the answers, feeling like I was hitting a wall, like I was brain dead, and I ended up sending it in feeling even more dismal than before.


But God never ceases to surprise me.  Two weeks ago I get a call from the Youth Pastor and have a little mini interview, then yesterday he calls again to set up a Skype interview with the staff.  I'm excited... but still hesitant.  A church in Mississippi flew me down for an interview a few months ago only to turn me down later, and the prospect of such a large church is a little overwhelming, but I know that even if I don't get the job it's all part of God's good and sovereign plan.  It's been painful.  It's been exhausting.  But God has shown me so much about Himself and I am learning to trust Him while I wait.


So please pray for me as I prepare to interview tomorrow.  Pray that I would have wisdom, a clear mind, and that I would rejoice no matter the outcome.

Quote of the Week: C.S. Lewis

"...poetry replaces grammar, gospel replaces law, longing transforms obedience, as gradually the tide lifts a grounded ship."  

Battle with a Door Knob: Reflections on Clumsiness

First black eye

Every since I was a little kid I've been a bit clumsy.  Most of my childhood pictures have me sporting giant goose eggs on my head.  I was much like Maggie from the Simpsons, falling face first into whatever was in front of me.  For some reason I couldn't figure out that throwing my hands down to brace my fall would save me some brain cells one day.  Even in high school, after years of dance I still had issues with falling.  My dance team even gave me a fall limit per class period.  Once in college I fell in front of an entire History class, getting myself trapped between two chairs that had been screwed to the floor.  Not my most shining moment.  But believe it or not with all this falling I have never broken anything (except a few toes) and I had never gotten a black eye... until now.

You would think this incident would start off with something like "Last week at roller derby..." but instead it begins in the bathroom.  Yeah, seriously.  Don't worry, this will not be a TMI post, I was actually just bending down to pick something up.  It was when I straightened that it happened.  I must have straightened up way too quickly because all of a sudden there were stars exploding in front of my eyes and ringing in my ears.  With my hand to my head I literally felt the bump grow... very weird.  I figured the worst I had to worry about was headaches, which I've had for a few days, and missing at least one day of Camp Gladiator (Patrick did not, in fact, let me work out the next day) but I didn't think I'd end up with a black eye.  It's not painfully obvious, but the bruise that is still mostly on my forehead has moved down around my eye just in time for a wedding.  The space between my eyes is also swollen, but the goose egg is pretty much gone.  I would like to say "Yeah, I look bad but you should see the other guy..." but the door knob pretty much looks the same.  Maybe next time I'll win.

So what's your story?  Any epic bruises to tell about?

Burn Away the Dross: Birthday Reflection

Grace, grace for all who love the Lord Jesus Christ, with an undying love,

Grace, grace to all who love the Lord Jesus Christ, with an undying love!

Give me an undying love for You,

Lord won't you set my heart aflame with passion for Your name.

Give me an undying love for You,

Lord won't you take me to the cross,

I count it all as loss,

please burn away the dross so that nothing else remains,

but an undying love.

 "Remove the dross from the silver, 
   and out comes material for the silversmith."  

Proverbs 25:4

Dross must be removed from silver in order to increase its purity, its value.  In order to do so, the silver must be placed where the fire is the hottest so that all the impurities will be burnt away.  No doubt if silver had nerve endings this would not be a pleasant experience.  But what is also interesting is that the silversmith doing his work must sit holding the silver until it is done.  He can’t simply leave it and go about his other business.  If the silver is left too long in the flames it would be destroyed therefore he must keep his eyes on it the entire time.  And how does he know when it is completely refined?  When he can see his reflection in it.

Trials to us are like flames to silver, refining us, making us pure and holy.  Yet amidst the flames we often forget that God is also like the silversmith, sitting with us, not a passive observer but an active refiner.  Every second has purpose and He will not allow us to be destroyed.  My prayer for this new year of my life (year 26) would be that I would remember my refiner while I am in the flames and that I would learn to praise Him in the most difficult situation.

Warning! Shameless Plug

Occasionally I use my blog for shameless plugs.  Here's one now.  I heard about Camp Gladiator from a friend and after checking out their free preview week I had to sign up.  It's a great work out for many reasons but I'd have to say the top three reasons are as follows:

1. The trainers are certified personal trainers who do care that you are doing things right (a.k.a. proper form) and can help you out with injuries (Patrick, the Katy trainer figured out where my injury was and I feel eons better now).
2. It's all about competition in a group setting which makes you push yourself
3. When you sign up you can go to any location you want to.  Ex: Houston, Austin, Katy, Dallas.
4. When you sign up because I told you about it I get a discount (what?  that's not the best reason?)
5. There's a spouse discount
6. We play games

There are many more reasons you should join, but these are just a few.  Hope to see you out there!

Shameless plug ended.

Always Pray: Refection on Memorial Day

No matter how we feel about wars past and present, no matter how we feel about the military, no matter our political persuasion, we should always pray for our soldiers and their families.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

"I Hate All Your Show": Reflections on Worship

 ²¹"I hate, I despise your feasts,
and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.

²²Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings,

   I will not accept them;

and the peace offerings of your fattened animals,

   I will not look upon them.

²³Take away from me the noise of your songs;

   to the melody of your harps I will not listen.

²⁴But let justice roll down like waters,

   and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Amos 5:21-24

Often times when a particularly convicting passage of scripture is presented to us our first response as recovering sin addicts is to think of someone else.  I find myself doing this all the time.  "Yes," I muse to myself.  "I know of someone who would benefit greatly from reading this passage.  'X' should be convicted by this truth."  I then proceed to go on my own merry, self-righteous way feeling that God is very lucky to have me on His side.
The problem here, of course, is not necessarily that 'X' would not benefit from such convictions, but rather that I often allow myself to be blind to the fact that I am the one who needs to be convicted.  Even if on the surface it seems I am innocent of a particular sin, if I look deeper, allow the Spirit to dig into my deepest motivations and thoughts, I will see with absolute certainty, that there is no sin I am not guilty of.  
Take the passage above as an example.  As a fairly conservative Christian of the Reformed Presbyterian persuasion (frozen chosen we are often, unfortunately called) I might be prone to look at other denominations, particularly the Pentecostals (Pente-crazy as my Pentecostal friend calls herself), and immediately prescribe this verse to them.  I note the emotionalism of their worship, the effects used to create mood and tone (fog machines anyone), and label it a show rather than true worship.  After all, I think, it is often the most emotional worshipers I would see the following Friday or Saturday night participating in extreme versions of partying like it's 1999 (Or May 21, 2011, wait...).  I saw this occasionally in college and of course now as an adult I see it even more.  Clearly these are the types of people Amos would have been talking about, those who put on a show at Church and then going about and living every day as if they had no relationship with their savior whatever. (On a side note, Pentecostals would not be the only denomination my self-righteous judgment would reach but for the sake of time and space I won't list them all.)  The problem with this is not that others are not guilty of sin themselves, but rather that I am guilty as well.  
Often I joke about being an unofficial politician.  Not only am I good at convincing others of my own innocence and perfection, but I can even deceive myself into believing this lie.  My version of this "show" as Jon Foreman calls it, is being a biblical, spiritual nerd.  I know the Bible well, I pride myself on obedience to parents, and on the fact that I avoid 'R' rated movies, and that I don't go partying like those other "sinners" do (Trivia question: who do I sound like?  Hint).  But this is all deception.  My outsides might look good but on the inside sin is embedded deep!  On the hidden underbelly of my motivations are pride, a desire to be worshiped by others for my "good deeds", and a feeling of false superiority.  Yet very often I can barely see it, I am blind because I've had great practice lying to myself and others for a good 25 years... I can't even save myself and must cry out with Paul "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24).
But his cry does not end there.  He continues on with the hope I must cling to myself, that I have a great savior in Christ, who makes the blind see.  "Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  (Romans 7:25)  Because of His sacrifice, I can see through to my own sin and be rid of my own show and fall to my knees before Him with the promise of a righteousness that is not my own and a justification I do not deserve.
May I continue to Hate All My Show, and overflow with justice and mercy.

Sometimes KSBJ Does Good...

Sidewalk Prophets

You Love me Anyway

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly little lie

It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly

But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How you love me

It took all of my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find

The reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And Why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me (x4)

How You love me (x3) 

Missing Peru

Bought the dress and the necklace on the beach two years ago in Peru.
Picture idea totally stolen from my fellow blogger Roxy.  

I Live Because He Lives: Reflection on the Resurrection

"He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed."  1 Peter 2:24

Good Friday: Reflections on the Cross

"The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life - only to take it up again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.  This command I received from my Father."  John 10:17-18

"Put your sword away!  Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"  John 18:11

"My kingdom is not of this world.  If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews.  But now my kingdom is from another place."  John 18:36

"I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise."  Luke 23:43

"It is finished."  John 19:30

By No Means the End: Reflections on Loss

"End?  No, the journey doesn't end here.  Death is just another path...One we all must take.  The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass...And then you see it...White shores...and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."

Sunday night our Sister in Christ, Melanie Sweenie, was relieved of her suffering and taken home to her savior.  It's a hard thing for those of us who are left behind, harder still for her two young sons and her husband, but we can take comfort in knowing that her work was finished.  Right now, she is getting to look upon the face of the savior with perfect vision and hear the words "well done good and faithful servant."  This was no surprise to Him who knows the number of our days and in that I pray we can all find comfort in this time.  God did not look down on Melanie, gasp, and think, "whoops, wasn't paying attention there", rather He was the one calling her home, drawing her into eternal rest.  He is also the One who will comfort her family, and use this to grown and strengthen them as He uses their local church to gather around them.

While we mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15), we continue to rejoice that death, eternal death, has been concurred, and say along with Paul, "'O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?'  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:55-57  By the sacrifice of Christ Jesus, Melanie, along with all who believe on Him, is free from the penalty of sin and now she is completely free from its oppression (2 Corinthians 5:21).  May we take hope in this, no matter the tragedies we experience in this life.

Pasta! More Reflections on Food.

Drying pasta

I love food.  And if you read my blog with any regularity you will know that this is quite the understatement.  I also love to cook and one of my all time favorite people to cook with is the great Kandy Steen.  When I was working at Christ EPC in Houston, the youth staff took a cooking class from her during the summer.  She is a cooking ninja.  We learned to make gourmet macaroni, spatzle, cheese cake, and pasta from scratch, just to name a few and every recipe I have tried on my own and shared with others has been a huge hit.  Today, I got to help her cook all of the meals for this week because she hurt her hand and to be quite honest, I made out like a bandit.  We cooked chicken and andouille sausage gumbo, a rotisserie chicken casserole with amazing white sauce, and home made pasta with Italian sausage ragou.  And of course she let me take some home.

As pasta is pretty much my favorite food to cook on my list of things to request for my birthday or Christmas:  a kitchen aide with a pasta attachment.  YUM!

Now tell me:  What's your favorite dish to cook?  

A Plethora of Pictures

Some of the most delicious carrot cake from a cafe in Fulshear!

The sun through the trees

Marcelina helping us make dinner

Backyard flowers

Tree in our backyard.  At one time we thought it would be a fun place for future kiddos to play, then we discovered there might be snakes.

Flowers

One flower

Gossip: Reflections on Murder

"You shall not murder."  Exodus 20:13

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.'  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment...But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matthew 5:21-22

This last Sunday I lead the youth in a discussion about the sixth commandment, 'You shall not murder.'  It seems simple enough in theory.  Most people look at such a command and think, 'I'm doing pretty good, haven't killed anyone recently', and most of the time when confronted with news stories about brutal murders or the issue of abortion, my sense of righteous anger and justice are excited.  How could anyone do x, y, z?  I wonder.  It's so inhuman!

But then, I'm confronted with the words of Christ in Matthew.  He doesn't let me off the hook.  In fact, He digs deeper into the heart and reveals to me just how wickedly sinful I am.  He says that if I am angry with someone, if I call them a name, then I am a murderer in the eyes of God.  Wow!  Hold the phone!  A murderer?  Sweet and innocent Courtney?  (For the record, if you're thinking this you clearly don't know me as well as you think you do.)  The answer to this question of course is a resounding yes.

The fact is, at the heart of my anger and my name calling is a heart that is not valuing human life!  And is that not what murder is?  Devaluing life?  Talk about convicting.

One of the pastor's wives furthered my conviction when she mentioned gossip as a topic heavily addressed in the bible.  I didn't realize this right away, but later on that day I considered the fact that gossip, like hate, is just one more way of devaluating human life!  Gossip has, at its heart, the same sinful attitude as murder.  We cannot escape it.  It puts us first, others second, and maybe God third.  It say, "I am infinitely superior to everyone around me, and I place value on what I will place value."  This leaves absolutely no room for us to think well of ourselves, and that's the point!  That was Jesus' point.  He did not come to the world to raise our self-esteem, He came to the world to give us a new nature, to satisfy the wrath that we deserved, and to grant us a right relationship with God.

It is this kind of grace that knocks the wind out of me and leaves me speechless.  I pray it does you too.

In Tragedy

Amidst tragedy we have a great and good God.  Amidst tragedy we have hope.  Amidst tragedy we can come together as the body of Christ and show the world what it means to be one in Spirit and in truth.  Amidst tragedy the kingdom of God is advanced.  Amidst tragedy we cling less to the things of this world and more to its creator.  Amidst tragedy God is glorified through His people.



http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php

Cowtown Run Photos

These must have been taken near the end of the race because I look pretty wiped, but I'm glad to have some pictures of me running now!

Cant? Or Won't?

Driving home tonight, completely beat and rather wobbily, I could only think of how nice it would be to live less than twenty minutes from Katy. Fulshear really isn't in the middle of nowhere, but often times a twenty minute drive feels that way, especially when you are exhausted. Most of this, admittedly, is my own fault but that realization never improves my attitude and in fact, it typically makes it worse. This of course, was my emotional state when I got behind a five belower. Never heard of one of those? It's a person who insists on driving five below the speed limit when there is no traffic in sight and nothing between them and the open road but some obvious rancor towards you, the exhausted person behind them (you see the problem with my attitude emerging already -- clearly I am the center of the universe and everyone's minds... insert eye roll here___). So I get stuck behind this five belower on a one way road with little opportunity to pass them when a thought enters my mind in the form of a "prayer". It goes something like "Lord, please speed them up, I can't handle this."

Really? Can't handle it? Now in a way, there is some theological truth to this statement. Left to myself, with no outside help, I can't choose to put up with a horrific (read minor) annoyance, and am a slave to my tired emotions. But this, of course, is not the case. As a child of God trusting in the finished work of Christ on my behalf (and on behalf of all those He loves) I am not left to myself. I have a power established inside of me that enables me to do that which my sinful nature would never choose to do! Therefore, when I decide to react badly, sinfully to a certain situation, it isn't that I couldn't act in the right way, it's that I wouldn't. I need to do what Paul encourages in Philippians 1:12-14 and to "work out [my] own salvation in fear and trembling, for it is God who works in [us], both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

It's an odd tension, knowing both that God is the One willing us to do good and that it is our responsibility to work, but it is there very clearly in scripture. Maybe it is a little like eating good food. The nutrients strengthen you to do the work, but if you don't actually get up and run you will never accomplish your goal. All analogies break down at a point but you understand my meaning. Pray for the strength to obey, then go an do it whether you understand it or not.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and how inscrutable His ways! 'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?' For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:33-36

Cowtown Run

This weekend, I headed out to Fort Worth for my first 10K. Around 5:30 in the morning I was up and eating a Cliff bar with little hope of running it in under an hour. For those of you who do not know, a 10K is six miles and as I normal run fairly slow (maybe a 12 minute mile or so) I figured it might take me an hour and a half. Granted, in a race I always run much faster, but I still was not hopeful. This did not depress me of course as I was more than happy to get an 'E' for effort and maybe even enthusiasm, and so I went into the race planning on doing my best and just being glad to finish. By the grace of God I finished in 56 minutes and 2 seconds, just two minutes behind a friend of mine who was running. It was very encouraging and just what I needed to revive my slowly waning running routine.

What was cool was the amount of people of the city who came out to cheer the runners on and it reminded me of a very important Christian truth. One of the reasons why we gather together as Christians, aside from the obvious joy of worshiping together, is so that we can, or at least should, encourage one another. Every time I began to feel as if I could not run much longer, we would pass crowds of cheering people, telling us that we could do it, that there was only a little more to go, and even providing gatorade and water to give us strength. It reminded me that this is what I should be doing for my brothers and sisters in Christ, cheering them on as they press on toward the goal to which God has called them heavenward (Phil 3:14). So I encourage you to encourage others, because we are not in this race alone!

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25

A Night Around the Fire

In the nicer weather we've been having lately, my family has been sitting around our outdoor fireplace to read. The sky was really clear the last time we did this and I practiced a little night photography. Clearly I need to work on it or learn the secrets of the trade or something, but I still think they look pretty cool.

You could see the moon through the trees, but you can't see them in the photos. I'm sure there is some technical way to do it and I'm going to work on figuring it out, but for now I still think it looks pretty neat.

You can kind of see the trees here, but it still doesn't look as cool as it actually was.

A test picture that I thought actually looked interesting.

I love the sunsets out in Fulshear lately, so beautiful.

Food Art

I have never been very visually artistic myself, but I love art in all its forms. Today I went to one of my favorite sushi places and was presented with the coolest shashimi I've personally ever seen. Even the carrots are flowers! They also have the best ginger dressing I've ever tasted, it's even good on the sushi. Shameless plug: Sushi Hana is fabulous.

God Washes Human's Feet: Reflections on Divine Humility

⁵Then he [Jesus] poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him..."Do you understand what I have done to you? ¹³ You call meTeacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. ¹⁴If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet."

John 13:5 and 12-14

It was because He was assured of his divinity that Christ did not demand His rights and that He was able to wash the dirty, stinky feet of his disciples, including Judas His betrayer. How much more should we, then, wash the feet of those around us? We are assured in scripture of our place as co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17), therefore, let us not demand our rights as such, but consider others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

Valentine Sunsets

Through the trees in Fulshear

By the garage, still in Fulshear

After dropping off Amy Simon.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

"A new commandment I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34