Monday, February 09, 2009


One of my least favorite things in the entire world is making decisions and I have a few reasons as to why.  First of all, and the most obvious I think, is that I'm afraid I'll make the wrong one.  What if, despite all my prayer to make the one God wants me to make, I end up going with one only because it's the one I want?  What if that decision affects others adversely?  What if I've made a decision that will take me down a really horrible road?  Second of all, and the second reason has a lot to do with the first, decisions make me worry.  I lose sleep, sometimes I get ulcers or even cold sores (last year it was particularly bad).  So needless to say, I do not like making decisions.  However, what I need to realize, what I need to get into my head, is that God is the one in control and not me.  Sometimes this also gives me a headache because the flesh in me wants to have control of everything, but that's another post entirely.  The comforting thing about God being in control is that even if I do make really crappy decisions (which I'm sure I do) God is still good and He still has what's best for me in mind.  

I've been reading Genesis in the mornings and what struck me is the kind of pathetic people God worked through.  Look at Abram?  75 years old when called away from his father's household, no children, and his wife was barren.  Not only that, but after God promised to make him a great nation, bless him, and give him the land of Canaan, he still did not trust him enough to protect his family while in Egypt.  Therefore, he lies and tells Pharaoh that Sari was his sister, twice!  And later, he marries Sari's maidservant to try and have offspring through her, despite God's promise of children through Sari.  Then there's Jacob.  The youngest brother, a mama's boy, and even worse, a liar.  And yet, God chose these two, well, losers, to be blessings on earth, not only in the lands they lived, but also to future generations.  Through Abram (who later became Abraham), Isaac, and Jacob came Christ.  God used these non-trusting idiots to bring His son into the world to save the world.  Gives you something to think about doesn't it?

So now, as I have been forced to make some decisions (that in turn have forced me to wait on God's will) I need to remember that if God could work through guys like Abraham and Jacob, He can work through me.  Not only that, but he has my best in mind.  I can't go wrong, even if the road it hard.  How comforting is that?


marigirl said...

hey Courtney. :) I too hate the decisions where you feel immobilized. It's easier to say it in retrospect, but the truth is, when you're seeking God you can't ruin your life with one or even a serious of decisions. I believe you're honestly seeking him. The fact that you're even worried about your own selfish motives getting in the way shows your concern for His will. What I find MOST difficult is wrapping my mind around the fact that Chris COMMANDS us not to be anxious, but to be filled with joy. What?! How?!?!? Well, a sermon in college that was one of the most helpful of my life pointed out that sometimes we need to just fearlessly make a decision and trust God with it. satan wins when we become immobilized by fear, and when I'm making a decision, I often want to just hold still until the decision sort of gets made on its own. This is a time to be fearless!!! So what decision are you trying to make, anyway? Is it about staying there longer?

Courtney said...

Actually it's more about leaving early... even harder!!!